Hi there, (3/2/12)

 

Perspective, rather like hindsight, is a very tricky thing to define properly. OK, so all perspectives are subjective by their very nature , even if we are compelled to kid ourselves we are looking at a given issue from a “neutral” point of view. Perspective is pretty much always destined to be contorted, warped, and blurred by whim and will of the ego. The unseen hand behind the throne of our consciousness, it sits whispering half- truths, fears, and inconsistencies, often catalyzing us into acts and thoughts borne of out of the sum of our weaknesses and insecurities…..

 

You’d never guess I was reading Eckhart Tolle just now would you? 

 

Tolle urges us that we step out of ourselves and see the truth, the utter simplicity, that lies within us all. Some people might call this enlightenment, others, of a perhaps more religious bent, an epiphany. But what it really all boils down to is about looking back at your face, “that” face in the mirror everyday and being sure you can look it steadily in the eye whilst tacitly agreeing you are one and the same person, with exactly the same set of values and beliefs. Ultimately, if you try to deceive yourself, it is you who will be the one to suffer. This is what the ego tries to do. It tries to circumvent, to drape these simple truths into blurry vague shapes by stirring up the silt of all the negativity lying inertly within you, muddying the waters to a flat brown opacity, turning the obvious into the questionable, the certain to the doubtful.

 

So how do you go about discovering what is real to you? How do you sort the mental wheat from the chaff so to speak? The answer would appear to be: very slowly. Perhaps it all depends the length of time you’ve been denying yourself a walk around the Simplicity of Truth recreation yard. I guess then I’ve been in some kind of solitary confinement /lockdown for longer than was good for me. I see a mental image of some kind of ghostly pale, filthy, hairy, straggly- bearded “Prisoner of Zenda” character stumbling into the glare of a dusty sunlit yard. Time has turned him photophobic and the experience is painful and not pleasant at all...

 

The irony is I’ve been here before…just over half a decade ago. Back then I promised myself I wouldn’t ever go back to a quelled or subjugated existence of mental confinement, and yet somehow, I did. It takes perhaps a far stronger person than I to actually remain in constant sight of their own simple truth all the time and never waver from its nurture. Like my attention span, (damn ego again?) I get lured away down primrose paths, looking down back alleys, walking mapless into cul-de-sacs, peering into prickly thicket, idly making shapes out of clouds, until, one day, I find myself staring into the abyss.

 

I sure as Hell hope I’ve learnt this time…

 

Sermon ends.

 

As a self confessed resistor to change I tried something new this week. I tried a video call on my iphone to my folks and up I popped on my dads ipad. OK so the first thing they told how how grey I was getting, (I do need a haircut) naice! But it WAS really nice to see my folks in real time. I’ve since had 2 other video chats and have finally configured my (stupidly) multiple Skype accounts into just one on both my phone and my computer. You’ll find me under mikemalcolm66 those of you who want to attempt to communicate in this way. It is a rather strange form of communication I must say. It’s amazing the things we might do on a telephone which would be a no-no in the world of video chatting: Picking your nose and going to the toilet spring instantly to mind… What is the etiquette anyway? If you start a video call and decide it’s too exposing, too intrusive, or uncomfortable (for any number of reasons) in some way, do you switch it back to just voice secretly and say “the camera has gone”, or do you tell the person you simply don’t want to look at them anymore? Fortunately I haven’t as yet had to make such choices, but I feel they might be coming… It seems for every step we advance into the Brave New World of technology and cyber connectivity, the more rules and restraints we seem to impose on ourselves to cope with it. Simple Truth V’s Ego once more it seems: Heavyweight contenders in every world; real, imagined, or virtual, I know who my money’s on…..

Hi there, (27/1/12)

 

Regular readers will have noticed a slightly more introspective blog over the last few months. At first I attributed this to being far away from friends and family over the festive season .Reading back through a couple of months of I suddenly see other indicators. A slow subconscious move to realization that perhaps I had to ring in changes to my life before I found myself in a bad situation... As it turned out Cherry saw it perhaps clearer than I.

 

I won't go into details, suffice to say that my relationship with Cherry has indeed come to an end after 2 and a half years together. I'm very very grateful to her for all that she's done for me, and I wish her only the best on her future journey. I know she wants me to be happy in my own skin too…There's some comfort in that.

 

Breaking up is never easy, and there will be days and nights in the future when I will ponder such things deep into the night, but with I heavy heart I have to acknowledge it's really all for the best.

 

I envy those friends of mine that have discovered the secret to true and lasting happiness in a partnership. Perhaps with me it'll take the best part of a lifetime if at all, but then if that's how long it takes, that's how long it takes. The heart is ultimately not as pliable, nor as malleable as we might like to think it is…and neither are people when it comes to trying to integrate themselves into happy, thriving, and successful partnerships.

 

Getting older also puts your perspective on a much more pragmatic, and quite possibly, (at a certain cost) less romantic footing…There are many lessons here and much food for thought for me to respectively assimilate, and to lightly dine upon, in the coming months. I hope to chew my thought morsels well, and attempt to thoroughly digest them properly, avoiding any emotional indigestion and/or acid reflux issues. That , and getting back to some long neglected Reiki relaxation and light meditative practices. Then perhaps then will I find myself in a better place from which to positively move forward.

 

Two years ago, a friend gave me the lovely gift of Eckhard Tolle's "The Power of Now" in hardback . I've dipped in and out of it kinda absently over the last couple of years, but it does seem to be ringing truer to my mind now that I've somehow become more mentally open to what the words are actually saying.

 

I've decided I'll definitely be coming back to Scotland over April, most likely around the 10-25 period. I need to see my friends and my family and recharge myself before I start any more of my lone travelling holidays round Asia and Oceana. I don't know yet how it'll all pan out, but I will try and see as many of you as I can: Now that my back is now well on the way to healing, crashing out on various air mattresses on floors and assorted sofa pillow arrangements is definitely more doable , if not exactly recommended! ;).

 

I don't actually have very much else to blog about this week as I've been rather consumed by personal developments and events. I would like to thank you all out there in Facebookland for your kind 46th birthday wishes and your attempts (however expressed or perhaps slightly insensitively pitched in jest) and general comments at showing "support" and sympathy for the change in my relationship status. It's a weird way to communicate something like this, but given the huge distances involved and my general reticence to go into detail with individuals, it seemed the simplest way was to match the change in Cherry's status as quickly and with as little fuss as possible.. Rest assured I'm coping well and I've got good friends and houseguests looking out for me.

Hi there, (20/1/12)

 

More often than not, living out east casts up moments and scenes they most definitely border on the surreal. It makes you realise what great divides, what gaping chasms there are separating yet defining humans, values and cultures.

Take for instance the Indie gig Cherry so kindly got tickets for this week. The New Zealand Band the naked and famous were playing one of the movie soundstages in Moonstar studios in Lad Prao, I must admit on seeing the venue, and hearing the quality of the sound system in the run up, I found myself thinking about the value of decent , well attending stand up gigs like in the famous "Barrowland Ballroom" in Glasgow. The mass of indie and alternative freaks also gave me a little hope that there actually was some inkling of vibrant rebellious life out here.

 

The lights went down…

 

And suddenly reality, or surreality kicked in as all these people , these twitchy, excitable indie/freak kids, patiently and quietly waited for a certain song to end…A song of similar origin that back in the UK in the 1950's we had to stand up to in cinemas before the movie starts. (which incidentally is still the case here). Like I said surreal.

 

 That's just the tip of the iceberg: Surreality doesn't end there. It comes in many unexpected twists and almost dreamlike forms: A women with three yappy toy doglets in a whicker basket walking with them (and her chosen dress) into the changing rooms in a major department store: A skinny and towering 6 foot acne ridden transvestite hanging over a cosmetic counter and reaching for my arm to try and sell me some expensive skincare product; A man whizzing past on a motorcycle with 3 live pigs strapped inverted over some jury rigged rear seat rack, their trotters wobbling and jerking in the air like some demented childrens animated cartoon; The permanent undersecretary for transport caught with 1000 million baht in sacks of money in a spare room in his house that he apparently won "playing poker"…

 

This weekend we enter the "Year of the Dragon". Chinese New Year is once more upon us. The three days cover a very specific path. Tomorrow all the Thai Chinese (probably something like 1/3 to ½ of the population) will be in an absolute shopping frenzy buying specific food and supplies. The specifics are too long to go into, but there will be mall madess, queues, and immense citywide traffic jams tomorrow.

Day two is the stay at home day. Spring cleaning will be done, huge amounts of food and drink (like whole cooked chickens and rice wine) will be deposited citywide on domestic spirithouses (a veritable feast for pigeons, cats, and assorted climbing/flying vermin). The spirits of ancestors will be honoured. In many cases, toy money, letters, and fake airline tickets "to Heaven" will be burnt in mini worship pyres. Real money, in cute little red envelopes will be passed around extended families, business associates, and close friends in a meandering yet clearly outlined circles of "faith". "How much did you get?" will be the most asked question in schools on Tuesday morning amongst Thai-Chinese children for sure.

And Monday is unofficial "going out with the family day". Whilst not an official school holiday, schools will have many children absent as they traipse off to Safari world, Dream World, Deep Sea world, the cinema, assorted shopping, or even to lowly Uncle Pings roast Duck booth (Grandads favourite); or perhaps even down to the coast to look at the sea and eat ice cream. Either way Chinatown is most definitely worth a miss for the next few days, especially if you don't like firecrackers. Last year I was in a quietish restaurant in soi Rangam and somebody let a string off, I thought it was machine gun fire, I almost shat myself.

 

And so in the midst of Chinese New year I turn 46. Way back when, before man had even, ahem, "landed" on the Moon, I was born one day into the year of the horse. The" fire horse" to be more exact . I wonder when it's the horses turn again. As I have houseguests this year I've decided to actually go out and celebrate with the small group of friends I have here. A cosy little winebar inside the Pullman hotel in soi Rangnam is the venue of choice. Seafood platter for 2 with 2 glasses of prosecco for 990 Baht seems like a good deal..add a bottle of red on top of that as well as some local beers at Sunday special process of 100 baht I might just get a little pissed….and why not?

Hi there, (13/1/12)

 

It seems to me the longer I stray here I'm seeing a repetitive cycle of the twin blights that seem utterly incumbent on society here: Unaccountability and vapid incompetence. I sometimes think that modern Russia might be this way if the feudal lords and aristocracy hadn't been purged in a peasant revolt. There are so many problems and issues that beset a country based upon the utter rigidity of a class structure. It makes you see, that however we in the UK might complain about the so called "old boy network" , it's root system occupies only the merest part of our visual spectrum. In other parts of the world, especially out East, it appears endemic, like an ivy covered temple.

 

The consequences are, of course , as inevitable as they are depressing. Talented and diligent individuals get so marginalized and frustrated at their lack of influence or progression under such totalitarian command. Mistakes, massive blundering errors, costing millions of whatever currency you care to mention, wipe away thousands of man hours of work ,as well as decimate the workforce. People in the highest echelons of their chosen (or bought) professions, make off the cuff , almost seemingly random decisions on a totally uninformed whim that can negatively affect the lives and livelihoods of hundreds if not thousands of people. Then they push the ensuing problems over to some lower underling, who turns out to be cut from the same cloth, who then farms out the problems a stage further, and so on, until the whole shebang reaches a level where rank incompetency and petty status climbing jealousies seem to rule the roost. And there the problems sit, eating corrosively, festering away like a human tooth immersed in Coca Cola in some sixth grade school laboratory…. The students watch aghast at its weekly inexorable decay and ultimate destruction.

All the while those most able to do proactively do something about these problems find they don't have the authority, and those with the ultimate authority on seeing what their wrong decisions might have wrought, rapidly do a "Pontius Pilate" thoroughly washing their hands of it all speeding as far away from the issue as their chauffer driven Mercedes will take them.

 

I am of course making observations of the public sector here. Gawd only knows what happens in the private sector. But I get the feeling there are distinct parallels. After all, you can't be under the yoke of a strict social order part time. No indeedy, it's a full time existence.

 

But you gotta roll with the punches. If you choose to live your life within such patently unfair societies ,you have to learn how to deal with it as best as you can. Whilst I try not to dwell on the negative aspects of life out east, there are sometimes extremely bitter pills to swallow on this front. And whilst I'd never be indiscreet and blog about individual events or circumstances outwith the public domain, it is sometimes cathartic in some to write about them in general societal terms. Bangkok Shocks after all is supposed to be concerned with what exactly life is about out here on the other side of the planet as well as my life.

 

I had some interesting meetings this week which may lead to some new, challenging, and better things I hope. I'm also starting to put together a course for nurses and healthcare staff. An interesting project, I think it'll be a brilliant seller if it gets marketed correctly……

 

So there's a Barbequeue at Leighs place in the offing on Saturday night. Looking forward to hearing his stories about his business trip to Delhi, though I get the impression he wasn't exactly enamoured by the city. Then of course another tennis session with Bruce on Monday, and a couple of old friends from Germany as houseguests from Thursday. It's all go.… :)

Hi there, (6/1/12)

 

It's been a very long time since my last blog. Despite having a so called "staycation" in Bangkok over the festive period, I really wanted to unplug myself from the net for a while. I was a little out of sorts prior to Christmas under quite a lot of real and imagined stress.

 

The holiday " moonlighting " teaching gig up country proved to be a very useful and worthwhile and profitable exercise. This was the first time I've had to take the lead on a camp, from choosing the activities, through to setup, teacher training workshop and finally delivering as seamlessly as I could. I was really chuffed it went so well, especially as I only had about 45 minutes to set up on arrival and the room they chose wasn't really all that suitable for the kind of activities they wanted. My previous camp experience gave me an invaluable edge in the decision making that had to be done. We were lucky so many of the students were A) under 35 and B) female. It could have proved very very difficult otherwise. I did my bit and then enjoyed a long afternoon swim in the beautiful resort pool overlooking the river Kwai…the free bar at night also immensely boosted my Christmas spirit even if the delegate karaoke singing didn't. The next day I even had to lead 40 odd kids in an impromptu Hokey Cokey session at a poor temple school the company had chosen to assist with gifts and supplies. They greeted us like royalty, it was very strange.

 

 I was pleased to see screeds and screeds of positive feedback from the student course evaluation sheets on the bus journey home. I'd like to think I've got a rather large boot in the door with this dynamic little start up venture and various opportunities are already starting to roll in. I think I'll be working with some of the same students again really soon.

 

Cherry and I enjoyed our customary Christmas eve dinner on the roof terrace. We went out and got loads of top notch food and downed it with a fine guzzling bottle of Prosecco. Christmas day it was down to Leigh and Donnas for a great dinner complete with the now legendary " Santa steal" game. Even if I might be destined never to have kids, there's something magical about spending Christmas time in an environment where kids are around. It somehow makes more sense of what the whole fuss and malarkey is about.

 

From that point on, apart from a long drunken and expensive night out with the boys, I had a pretty quiet and nondescript Christmas holiday. I'd have liked to get out of town, but the way the public holidays stacked up after the weekends meant that the places I normally would go to after the New Year rush were still packed right up to the 3^rd. Oh well, I'll get down to that beach soon. At least it afforded me the opportunity to get back in to the tennis. Bruce and I played a number of times over the Christmas period and I detected a slight but significant improvement in my playing. I've still got to take it easy and know when to stop, but it really is so great to be out there again.

 

Like most of you out there I was compelled to make a few resolutions this year. Most of all is probably getting my weight down. A year of relative crippledom and inactivity has made me a little on the big side. I'm gonna have to dig deep to lose it. Ideally 10 kilos. So there goes my early morning croissants, processed carbs like bread, and my infrequent nighttime scoffing (Cherry has to hide her snacks in front of the tv now) ;). Most of the above I reckon I can do. I don't have too much problem with a higher protein /less carbs diet, it's the damn beer I'll miss. Tiger light beer is the best of a bad bunch, but at 30-40% less carbs it'll have to do..sigh.

 

In Thailand, the cleanup and cost counting of the flood has started in earnest. How the SET remains so buoyant in the face of huge governmental spending is frankly, still beyond me. The stock market here seem to almost always contradict the global trends. I can't shake the feeling sometimes that it's being manipulated by an unseen hand…But that's just crazy talk isn't it?

Hi there, (16/12/11)

 

It's been a strange sort of run up to Christmas this year. Twice I've been pleasantly surprised by the fun I've had at a Christmas event I was clearly not in the mood for. The fact that I don't recall how I got home after the official office party last Sunday is as good an indicator as any. To say the following day was a write off would be a bit of an understatement. I've haven't been that arseholed for at least a couple of years. I think it may have to do with me and the guys polishing off two bottles of voddy before we even started on the beer. I thank my lucky stars I didn't round off the evening with the Brandy or the Saki with the others…well, at least I think I didn't anyway.

 

Its been a bit of a mental run in to the Christmas break. I'm doing night classes three times a week to finish them off, covering wee kiddies classes for sick teachers last weekend, (boy are those kids hyper and loud!) and trying to finish project work for this side of New Year. I am feeling pretty shattered. At least I only have to don the santa suit for about 30 minutes this coming weekend as other have been commandeered into that role..thank goodness.

 

However, I've just tentatively agreed to lead a couple of teachers on a 2 day residential camp for a friend up in Kanchanaburi just before the Christmas weekend. It's not so much teaching (2 hours),as being on site for two days and being "on". (eating dinner with them, singing a karaoke song at the sing song night etc)it's a little bit of extra cash though and I really can't afford to pass it up just because I'd rather stay in my pyjamas all week. Hopefully the resort up in Kanchanburi is up to scratch and I can chill a bit after the teaching session too… I'm still casting a wary eye at the calendar and considering getting away to Koh Samet after the New Year's weekend nonsense for three nights before returning to work. Just me, a computer, a book or two, and a ramshackle tumbledown coconut hut on diamond beach at the end of the bay. I've gone there at this time 2 times out of the last four years and always seem to get so much more from it than going on official holiday weekends. My friend Tilo is coming on the 19^thof January and I haven't finished the stuff I said I'd help him with last spring, I need at couple of days alone with it. Under an umbrella at a beach should do it.

 

We're in proper winter now in Thailand, in BKK the temperatures have plummeted to about 23 degrees at night. My twice daily cold shower actually causes the merest yelp and sharp intake of breath when I stand under it now. Outside It is like Scotland at the height of a summers day..Just perfect….Except of course for all the cold bugs going around. Thai folk appear to start really suffering at sub 25 degree weather. They start piling on layers and layers of clothes, putting on sweaters and shawls, and naturally, also getting sick. I'm currently battling a 3 day on-off cold fever that is lurking at the peripheral of my health. I'm sure if I wasn't so generally run down I'd have fought this one off a lot quicker…as long as it doesn't get any worse.

 

Like most of you, I have the Christmas checklist to consider: booze-case of wine ordered: presents- one of four bought!!!: Christmas eve food-just about finalized. Christmas day dinner-at friends house. Cards- both sent!!: Office parties-completed. I guess you could say I have a pretty stripped down festive time nowadays and there's really nothing wrong with that…one more round of drinking with pals and I'll have completed the Christmas run in with an absolute minimum of extra stress. Maybe it'll be time for a bit of graft cleaning up the balcony and the roof garden between Christmas and New Year.

 

I'll now probably blog off until after Christmas, I doubt I'll have the time till after that. All that remains is to wish my family, my friends and my regular readers a peaceful and merry Christmas in the style and manner you'd all wish for yourselves. Peace and goodwill to all Men, Women, Children, Hobbits, Dwarves, Orcs, Elves, Leprichauns, Fairies, Sprites, Trolls, Kobolds, and all other existential sentient beings imaginary or not. Let's all be careful out there!J

Hi there, (09/12/11)

 

I should probably put in a little warning in advance this week. This isn't likely to be a very upbeat blog. In fact it's probably going to be the most confessional and personal one I've posted in the last 6 years. I'm not even sure why I'm writing it, but maybe, just perhaps, it'll be a cathartic exercise. I've been living too long without my natural upbeat personality and optimism and I need to get it back…Scream therapy for bloggers? Perhaps.

 

  Perhaps it's my distinct lack of Christmas mojo this year; or that I'm suddenly missing my friends and family terribly (as I always do round xmas); or that my life in professional and personal terms in the last 4 months has been like being thrown from a canoe into a never ending series of grade five rapids with sharp rocks boiling under the surface catching me time and again as I tumble and tumble. Just as my back has finally healed a year after the operation, the fabric of my inner self seems threadbare and moth eaten, my inner voice nags with sporadic calls of insurrection and anarchy. My heart aches. I am not in balance.

 

I know the final catalyst to this current state . It was seeing the pictures of my ex whom I lived with for 12 years proudly holding her firstborn baby boy. Don't get me wrong, I am chuffed to bits for her and Jim. I'm so pleased for them both. I know the child, whatever his name is, will grow up in a fabulous and nurturing environment. Nah, it was more about where I felt it left me personally.

 

46 next month, contract now till next Autumn , nothing much to show for my life except for a series of adventures across the globe, a few significantly wrong choices, and some randomly accumulated wisdom from the school of life.

 

Three broken nights of deeply upsetting dreams later, I'm slowly getting the picture of what my subconscious is trying to tell me…That I'm probably going to miss out on being a dad. And I need to consider accepting this crushing disappointment. If I was honest, I've gone through this hot and cold cycle on the subject often enough before, but never to the extent of it actually upsetting me so badly.

 

 There are many men out there who'll shrug at my words and wonder what the Hell I'm worrying about. There are also many men who are trapped in loveless marriages by thoughts of their children who'd give their eye teeth to change places with me. Grass is always greener and all that… Fact is, I'm now far out of synch with the age demographic I'm living in. Pretty much all my friends that want them have now been blessed by the joy (and the trials) of children, and I'm feeling more than a bit sorry for myself about it.

 

Naturally men don't suffer from the whole biological clock thing. I could technically produce issue as late as my fifties or sixties, but what kind of dad would I be then? Some old codger battling through the traffic and round the streets of Bangkok or wherever , toting his briefcase, skipping from one corporate evening class to the next ,just to be able to afford the semesters school fees for a decent school for his child. Pretty ghastly.

 

 There. I'll stop bleating about it now. I'm sure my usual critics will line up to post a comment, or try out a "witty", acerbic,  or hurtful line in shocked reaction to this week's confessional. I'll continue to wear my heart on my sleeve, it appears to be how I get by.

 

The Kings birthday holiday weekend came and went so quickly. I experienced first hand the dreadful aftermath of the floods as I helped drag out and entire watery shite-soaked stinking library and bookshelves from a storage outhouse. I wore rubber gloves and a mask, but it was still pretty arduous and awful. Those poor affected people, the entire length of the street was festooned with heaps of waterlogged wood and paper, dilapidated shelving units and veneer split wardrobes. How harrowing it must be just stripping everything back to the tide-marked walls in your living room. It'll be months and months before some households get back to anything approaching normal.

 

Finishing on a teensily brighter note, I went to see Puss in Boots in 3D at the weekend and thoroughly enjoyed it. Who'd have thought that Humpty would turn out to be such a bad egg? Not I…

I wish you all as stress free a run up to Christmas as you can all muster.J.

Hi there, (02/12/11)

 

Let's try a different colour today…

 

With the sun beating down and a steady ambient temperature of 30+ degrees centigrade these last few days I've scarcely noticed how we've so suddenly glided into the month of December. Only today have the first Christmas trees started appearing in offices and malls. The flood story seems to have kept people from getting preoccupied about it. I only wish it could have been longer. Thai people only see the commercial aspect of Christmas. Being mostly Buddhist, they couldn't give a monkey's about the true meaning of it.I suppose rather like most western countries, It's one long extended shopping extravaganza, feverishly fuelled by trendymalls and midnight sales and hyped discounts. It's no surprise to see majoe credit card companies on every floor, and at the foot of the skytrain escalators waving application forms around with the dubious allure of fake Samsonite luggage for prospective new applicants. Anyways, I honestly don't get why people would want to shop at one of these midnight sales…As if the poor outlet staff don't get worked hard enough!

 

Normally at this time of year, the evenings get cool enough for all the major beer companies to set up beer gardens willy nilly over the city and in front of the major central malls where put on Thai rock and pop stars on a nightly rolling gig programme on their mini stages.

 However , this year, perhaps due to the floods, there is a much smaller than usual presence of said beer gardens. I think only Chang beer has set up at the world Trade Centre and I really don't care for the taste of their beer. … looks like I wont be making it down to the beer gardens this year then…..

 

 

 

I certainly felt a huge sense of relief and happiness last Monday as I made my first foray onto the tennis court almost 13 months after my big back operation. It was pretty much the first time I'd run anywhere in over a year, and certainly the first time I'd stretched my back in odd ways, bent, and moved and hit with bursts of explosive energy. Indeed, I seem to have lost a bit of the old hand eye coordination and my playing was nothing short of absolutely woeful. Bruce took it easy on me. Up till my hospitalization we'd been equally matched. I'll accept the 7-0 thrashing this time round, but I will have to get back up to speed on this similtaneously running and hitting malarky. I couldn't seem to do it at all!! And I'd forgotten how bloody hot it is out there on the baking court, even at 10am. Even with a litre of water in my bag and another 2 litres studiously quaffed throughout the day, I still had a bit of a banging headache hanging around the back of my eyeballs all day… At least from my back n'ery a twinge was felt. It's a fine start back to some form of sporting existence , that I once thought I'd never have again. Indeed the doctor only gave me swimming and golf as options. I'd best make sure I take things real easy..wouldn't want to bend those titanium pins!! Roll on a doubles match real soon! yay.

 

It's a big holiday weekend this coming weekend celebrating the monarch's birthday, which is incidentally also Father's day in Thailand. I have a feeling the city centre is going to be packed for the next few days. Normally Bangkokians would be heading to the coast in droves, somehow I suspect Home Pro, the new IKEA in Bang Na,  and similar DIY and repair shops will be getting all the business. On a domestic level, there's an absolutely huge clean up operation to be done. I'm going down to Cherry's folks on Sunday to see if I can help out a bit. If the pictures I've seen are anything to go by, it's gonna be a big job to get it all resembling anything close to normality. Just as well I've put aside Friday night for going out for a few jars….That'll give me a chance to mentally prepare myself to go and watch another excruciating part of that Godawful vampire movie series: Twilight 4 - Breaking Dawn….or Toilet 4 - Breaking Wind as I like to refer to it. ;)… The things we do for love!

Hi there, (25/11/11)

 

I forget who it was, but somebody once commented that as we get older, our " window to the world gets smaller". At first I didn't get this. I've always considered myself a supporter of open minded and free thinking libertarianism. Yet, something does appear to be changing. Does advancement into middle age set off a previously dormant gene? Or perhaps even free a set of time locked brain synapses that suddenly compel you to reconsider long held beliefs and attitudes.

 

There have been TV series devoted to 'grumpy old men" and whilst I still like to think I'm far from grumpy, I have perceived in myself a suddenly envy, even jealousy, of the vibrancy of the youth culture I see around me that I didn't previously have.

 

No point in worrying about it really. Everybody who gets older pretty much feels this. Suddenly and without warning noticed how displaced they have become from what their perceived place in the order of things is. One of my colleagues is fond of saying:

  " Forget it! It's over! Nobody listens to techno any more! " (I never did really).

 

How best can I put it myself…? Literary imagery perhaps…

 

 Its somehow like the spectacular timeless collective highlights of our youth, the adventures on a whim and a wing and a prayer that made us the people we are, slowly recede in the memory, a tidal pool of random moments isolated on a broad estuary sandflats plain that stretches out to the horizon: The ridged wet sand squeaking gently in protest under your bare feet as you walk back the years, the interminable distance towards the source of these delicious memories, a shallow golden pool that flashes and glints in the starkly overhead bright sunshine. A beacon, a virtual visual personal obituary of your past….. The many steps you take to get back there marked briefly into the sand until the next tidal flow comes in to wash them away.

 And then you find, once the waters recede once more, the tidal pool is somewhere else on the plain and it's further away, glinting less vibrantly, aFata Morganamaybe . was it actually another life, a previous existence, another you altogether ? Whatever, it seems the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of your life simply don't fit together as well and as simply as they once did.

 

 And inside you rage, rage, rage against this night, this formless shroud of opaque soft focus fuzziness that slowly descends on the spirit and simple purity of these memories, a shroud that amends, dilutes, and weakens them to make them more palatable to reminisce about for that person (whoever he is) that greets you daily in the bathroom mirror. Another life, another you….

 

Forgive my bleating introspection this week dear readers. I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to describe a particular human condition. In another frame of mind I'd probably see it all in a vastly different way and tone it accordingly. I guess I'm just a wee bit worn out. There have been far too many things going on these past few weeks and we all know how old men like to have their routines haha. I also think this is the longest stretch I've ever spent in Bangkok in one go. I think I need a break from the metropolis , it doesn't appear to be giving me the peace I currently crave.

 

For some in Bangkok the flood situation isn't getting any better. I heard the story today of someone I know who lives in one of the worst affected areas. She's been living with her hubby on the second floor of their house with 3 dogs, two cats, and a number of turtles for 3 weeks now. No water, no electricity, shitting into plastics bags, and wholly reliant on the flood relief handouts and precious few boats that come by. Oh, and there are crocodiles regularly swimming by outside.

Why doesn't she get out? I've asked myself this question. Firstly some people love their pets more than is healthy and to leave them would be to condemn them to death. Secondly, there's an awful lot of burglary and thievery going on out there in floodland. Much of it unreported, but I'd say it was pretty endemic in parts of the city. Thirdly getting anywhere from there would take upwards of 5-6 hours, so going back to check daily is pointless. And fourthly, this lady is probably skint and can't afford suitable accommodation for her, hubby, and her dependent beasties. I can only imagine without even the most basic of home comforts it must be a stultifyingly boring and crushing arduous existence . My thoughts and sympathies go out to them. The floodwaters are becoming dangerously stagnant now. They are certainly positively effervescing with bacilli . Trust me, you really really don't want to be walkinganywherein that stuff.

 

Talking about burglary, there's a rather interesting story of the permanent secretary for transport who last week reported a theft of a couple of million baht in cash from his house. Now that some of the thieves gang have been caught, it seems the figure is far closer to 100 million Baht which apparently is all the gang could actually physically carry out of the house at the time. Figures in the paper currently bandy around the 1000 million baht mark that is allegedly still in a pile of stacked bags in the house. Looks like the dude has a lot of explaining to do . I don't think 'I won it at poker" is gonna fly somehow.

 

Plus ca change…plus c'est la meme chose.

 

Hi there, (22/11/11)

 

The waters recede at a few centimetres a day. The inner city and the major institutions therein remain dry as a bone, whilst suburbian residents wallowing in waist deep waters in dammed and firmly "big bag" sealed up areas cry foul.

 

Not that you can blame them really: One side of the wall is in abject misery, whilst in the adjacent neighbouring barrios , people go about their daily business relatively unimpeded. No small wonder then that vigilante gangs are breaking down, indeed, even blowing up the barriers furtively under the cover of darkness.

 

As life in the city centre slowly returns to normal, the temptation is to nonchanlently think it's all pretty much over. This is simply not the case. It may take even to Christmas for the last of the floodwaters to clear. Then of course there is the massive clean up operation to consider. The flood water is brown and smells awful. Expunging houses of that dreadful smell will be a major task in itself. I dare say the DIY and furniture stores are going to be making a killing. The death toll has risen to a smidgeon under 600. Somehow I feel that tells only some of the story…

 

For instance I heard this story: It may or may not be true but it sounds about par for the course…. The government decided to pay affected households with a one off 5000 baht ex-gratia payment on the proviso that : a) Householders complete ALL the relevant local authority paperwork and b) they also take a photo. From the get go, people were up in arms about the latter. They felt that it should be bleeding obvious to the government and local authorities which areas were affected without the additional hassle of taking a photo. ..Well it seems a short time later, condition b) was indeed recinded, but only after a couple who went to photograph their house ended up both dying from electrocution….

Of course now that the clean up is slowly starting, there seems to be no end of poisonous politickers out to gain points by slinging mud and lobbing assorted proverbial hot potatoes…One of which is an flying foil wrapped steaming Maris Piper that just wont leave the arena…

 

That fella Taksin…you know: the chappie whose doe eyed sister is the current PM, The fellow ousted by the coup 3 years back: The dude who is in self imposed exile to avoid a 2 year jail sentence for his implication in a dodgy land deal his wife did…..Well , it seems certain political heavyweights are seeking his amnesty in the next round of annually granted amnesties due in early December. Thing is, to do so they'll actually have to amend or bend the constitution to do so. And then of course he'll return to the country and get his hands back on the strings of his puppet theatre. Dangerous ground this. The constitution only just got re-written about 2-3 years back….I think we'll see red shirts, yellow shirts and pink shirts in public displays before the year is out… Just what this place needs right now. Heaven only knows what the foreign investors make of all this.

 

I had a really nice night out with my mates again last week. A combination of beer Laos and darts made for a most fun evening.

 

I'm also delighted to say that just over a year since my back operation I'm back doing sport in the great outdoors. I bought a new set of trainers and made my way to the wall at the back of the tennis courts for 45 minutes of hit practice. It was really nice to be back and catch up with a couple of my old local Thai tennis buddies..they thought the reason I didn't play anymore was cos I got married and my wife wouldn't let me haha!..strange!

 

My back held up pretty well and I stopped when it started to feel tired. The doctor said it was unlikely I'd play tennis again. I have to be extra careful and not overstrain anything. It's probably fair to say that my senior singles career may be over, but I'm fairly certain doubles wouldn't be too much for me, especially when I stand towering and glowering at the net! Either way, the plan is to get back into it gently. It felt great to be exerting oneself, sweating freely outside in the tropical sunshine again. Much as I love swimming, I've missed that so much.

 

So its four nights a week corporate classes for a while, a (hopefully) open school this weekend , and a pile of project work. Looks like it'll be Christmas before I know it.J

Hi there, (11/11/11)

 

Last night was officially the Loykrathong Festival in Thailand. This is the annual festival when people "apologise" to the river gods for mucking up the rivers and seek to make amends and promises anew. Ironic isn't it? The river Gods must've gone absolutely spare this year. Certainly, with a flood death toll now exceeding 500 folk, it might appear they've exacted their pound of flesh in retribution.

 

Normally the festival would be a lovely time with couples and families walking around and putting floating offerings into the river topped with a candle and some burning incense. Indeed at popular points there is often an unholy stramash to even get to the water's edge.

 

Not this year. There were no fire lanterns floating in the sky. No multi channel tv footage of floating lanterns (Krathongs), just a very muted atmosphere, punctuated by the occasional bang of a stray half hearted firework let into the sky.

 

It was pretty sad. Understandibly, the government felt there was enough crap in the water without having to strain filtration services any further with tons of used Krathong Jetsam. Instead ,this year there was an online version where you could float your chosen Krathong on the eternal sea of cyberspace. This is what Cherry and I chose to do. It was a little bit corny but kinda sweet at the same time. We've both been through the mill a bit with things lately and apparently these Krathongs serve a dual purpose of taking away your problems and worries as well as appeasing the Gods. The jury's out on that one. But it doesn't hurt to at least try.

 

I really thought that by today I'd be writing about the inundation that hit Ari, but you know what ? The flooding is holding steady 1 mile away! I'm hearing snippets here and there that levels have dropped 5 cm, or that a mall in a badly affected area intends to open again on Sunday. It's still a little too early to tell how this is going to pan out. There is still a massive amount of water to drain into the gulf. Emergency services have taken to using so called "big bag " (sand) technique to create and maintain water barriers, and, whilst the water still climbs on one side, the pumps are just about coping with the run off on the other. Like I mentioned last week, they are very very eager to keep Victory Monument dry as it serves asthe transport hub to pretty much everywhere north of the river. Lost that and they'll have the biggest political hot potato of all to juggle.

 

Naturally the usual recriminations and accusations are starting in earnest. It's probably fair to say that a few chosen heads/ will roll and scapegoats chased out onto the arid saltflats of professional and political purgatory.

 

If it means money getting well spent to update and improve the current flood barriers that may not be such a bad thing.

 

We are all missing the normalcy of managing and teaching. The school will be closed at very least till next weekend and all my weekly corporate classes have also been cancelled. It's a funny thing, the longer you break from physically teaching the harder it is to get back into it. It's definitely something that you have to keep doing, keep practicing. I'm sure we'll all be stumbling a bit our first few minutes back at the whiteboard.

 

Talking about practicing, I hadn't really noticed how little I'd been playing guitar lately since I started making the time for it when I get home. My fingertips are hurting as I'm rebuilding the calluses on them. As I'm mostly playing acoustic nowadays the additional string pressure required doesn't exactly make this a pleasurable experience. Still, I'm currently trying to get the fingerpicking of the Joan Baez song 'Diamonds and Rust" correct after seeing a vintage video of her of youtube. Brilliant song and brilliant technique . Another couple of weeks and I'll just about be able to stumble through it semi-convincingly.

 

I've taken in Cherry's brother and his wife as refugees from the flood this past week. They've really been no bother and they're very nice people, but it still highlights to me just how much I've come to value my privacy. I very much doubt I could ever happily exist in a "flatshare" scenario ever again. I seem to have become some kind of old bear who needs his own cave. I'm feeling a slow creeping desperation to have peace and solitude away from the spoken and unspoken dictates and pressures of situations such as this. Gawd only knows what'll happen if the flood waters arrive.

 

Terry is the only one of the management team affected by the water. He's taken to working from home these last 2 days. Just as well really, you don't want to be wading around in these filthy stinking waters for any length of time. True, he did buy himself some kinky thigh length all-in-one latex wader/booties in a fetching translucent porno red colour, but away from a flood context in the dry city centre streets, they do come over as a bit pervy. I really hope that if it comes to it and I have to follow suit, I can find a pair in my size in a nice neutral black. I think I'd rather brave waterborne pathogens than wear see through latex around town…

 

As my friend says, add water wings, a broom handle for the crocs, and a sharp knife, I'd be making quite a fashion statement in a city already preoccupied with appearance.

 

 

Hi there, (04/11/11)

 

Obviously due to the ongoing crisis in the city, my blog this week has one obvious theme. 

 

As usual the BBC seems to be letting us down with its bloated and sensationalist timbre.

 

The flooding is indeed in places very severe. I have three Thai colleagues whose houses are inundated with water levels of 1-3 metres deep, depending on the areas they live in. The death toll remains at 384. The domestic news has been struggling to keep the populace properly informed on the confusing situation and politicking and inter departmental infighting haven't helped the situation one bit..

 

How this whole damn thing actually all came to this is unclear. Certainly the rainy season was the worst that anyone can remember. Certainly too, the dams up north held the water up to levels that were dangerously high (cos in past years they'd released it too early and drought ensued), and certainly money that was put aside, supposedly to routinely maintain flood and sluice gates, seems to have not been spent.(I wonder how many Mercs were bought with the money). As my pal Jon remarked, these high ranking civil servants with their navy white uniforms have spent more time adorning themselves with barely earned rows of service gongs on their breasts than actually making decisions and taking responsibility.

 

This lack of accountability in Thailand is quite endemic. It is frustrating in the extreme. Everyone struggles to the top of their chosen pile, and once there they seem to spend an inordinate amount of time and energy making sure that any and every decision they are compelled to make doesn't ever come back to them. You can't even call it delegating.

 

The other thing of course is the fiercesome rivalry and jealously that abounds in politically polarized opposing factions. I believe that even the Governer of Bangkok has , on occasion, point blankedly refused to attend cross departmental crisis meetings called by the PM.

 

As Cherry pointed out, this is the worst she's ever seen in her time . Even the 3 coups, the red shirt sit ins and violence last year, and yellow shirt airport occupations the year before weren't anything as bad as this.

 

As I mentioned in last weks blog, the poorer areas under metres and metres to the North east and west of the city are starting to rebel and break down barriers. They feel, and quite rightly in my opinion , that the quickest way to get this all over would be to let the flood flow right through. Perhaps we'd all be over this quicker if we accepted a 50 cm flood for a few days as opposed to watching a slo mo tide of filthy water slowly envelope semi- chosen districts one by one. The water of course has a mind of its own.

 

The south and west of the city over the river is completely fucked. The so called "Thonburi" side of the city is most likely going to suffer a 100% inundation. Cherry's family had to evacuate their house 3 days ago. They are lucky enough to be retired to have somewhere to go out of town. I'll be taking in her brother and his wife in my spare room. The stress and upset of seeing your home engulfed is impossible to fathom (bad pun again) if you haven't ever experienced a flood yourself.

 

One thing I should point out to you who've never been out Asia way, is that the water is the temperature of a luke warm bath so whilst it is misery for those affected it's not shivering, Baltic misery as we in the west would know.

 

Of course what we see in terms of flooding is literally the tip of the , er, iceberg ( not a good idiom really)..the flood bubbles up from underneath, up through drains, out of toilets, even, in the case of Cherry's family, up through the tiniest seams of their marble floor in the living room. For above ground to be flooded, the gound below with its various typographical features has to also be inundated. The volume of water that is present, and the volume of water that can be expelled into the sea on a daily basis, and the amount of water still to travel south is massive . Millions upon millions of cubic metres in fact.

 

At the time of writing, the flooding is now only about 1.5 miles from my house. From the north west it is now at a key point in the city. A major 5 way road intersection . How it chooses to behave from here is in the lap of the gods. I spoke to my condo manager this morning. She tells me that if the flood reaches 30 cm at our condo, she is switching off all electricity except for emergency lighting. If this turns out to be the case I too will rapidly consider evacuating the city for a few days. Living without a water supply and at least a fan is real misery in Thailand. Even with all the windows open and bug screens over, the temperature wouldn't get much below 33 degrees at night. Without a puff of wind, that is a very hot temperature to try and sleep in. My living room has peaked at over 40 degrees on hot days. It's no fun living inside a pizza oven. And water and food supplies will also be gone.

 

Whilst the BBC would have us believe that the water is teeming with deadly wildlife, there are a few disconcerning things happened around . A man near minburi was indeed attacked by a croc in his house. He only needed 100 stiches, but it'd be a good idea to have a broom handy and a knife in your waistbelt if you're living up there.

 

Unsubstantiated reports say a family of 15 mega deadly African Green mambas have escaped from an undisclosed location in Pakkred. Does undisclosed mean a rich and connected family, or just a silly internet hoax? Either way , since there aren't supposed to be any of this type in all of Thailand, anti venom has been flown in from abroad. Though, given the fact that once bitten you've 20 minutes to get help, this would seem a token gesture. The locals up there are freaking.

 

If the Rama II road gets flooded to the South West , the west and south of the city will also effectively be cut off.

 

Whilst the city centre (now very quiet indeed) still enjoys the pretence of an everyday working environment, there are food shortages all over the place just a few kilometers outside. Ominous gaps have appeared in supermarket and convenience store shelves. If this indeed takes up to a month to clear, we could all be in for some rough times in the next couple of weeks for sure.

 

So that's the current roundup as I see it. I'm hoping to avoid the flood ,but my slight complacency has given way to a small concern. I really don't want to be wading around in that filthy water. 2 people have already died upcountry from waterborne disease. I hope and pray we don't see typhus, cholera, or Weills disease become commonplace. .. I suspect not. But it would be a good idea to make sure I don't wade in any water with any cuts on my legs.

 

Bin bag leggings may soon be the fashion.

 

Naice….

Hi there, (26/10/11)

 

Sorry for the delay once more. Last weekend was a holiday weekend for the school, and as it happens , we've just been informed that we're closing the place down from this evening for another 6 days!!

 

Obviously this has all got to do with the flooding in Bangkok. It's very hard to disseminate the facts from the bullshit just now. True , more than 380 people have died thus far. True , there are whole sections of the suburbs under anything up to 2 metres of water, (poor sods). But all this BBC sensationalism about the city centre bracing for tsunami like proportions of floodwater just isn't true.

 

The water is seeping very slowly south into the city from the north. Mostly it is being diverted round the city to the east and west (obviously causing flooding in those areas). The city centre might, just might, experience a small amount of flooding as the Chao Praya river struggles to cope with record high levels combined with high tides. But in all honesty I don't really envisage waters deeper that 20 or 30 centimetres round select sections of the city centre. Twitter and social media are positively tripping with sensationalist and untrue blasting. One semi well known media whore GeorgeBKK even blasted on twitter that you had to go to immigration today for any requirements as they are closed for the next 5 days . Patently untrue, though it has caused a farang rush up there. One colleague who happened to go today to renew texted me that after 2 hours he's still around 50^thin the wait queue!!

 

It's now pretty much impossible to buy bottled water in any large amount (over 2 bottles) and frozen foods and dried noodles have flown off the supermarket shelves. Some supermarkets seriously emptied by panic buyers have started simply stacking up biblical amounts of Pepsi in all the vacated shelf space. Yuk, wouldn't want to drink only Pepsi for a few days!!

 

And the stories and rumours keep on coming: Heresay tells of violence brewing up in Ayuddhya, the worst affected town an hour north, as armed marauders engage in city wide stand offs for the dwindling supplies of food: FROC the government agency in charge of all this seems to have lost the confidence of the general public, and Thailands first female leader isn't exactly shining as recurring images of her tear filled distraught eyes fail to garner any real sympathy from the masses of red shirts who voted her in. The "told you so" yellow shirt factions are loving this display of ineptitude. Certain areas have vigilante groups reclosing specially opened flood relief gates and similar sluice gates to protect their barrios. This has happened to such an extent that armed guards have to stand watch over the most disputed flashpoints.

 

Then of course you have the price of sand. A sand bag price has gone from 30 baht to 60 in a week (not even properly filled now) as people scramble to buy the requisite number to protect their properties. Everywhere you look in the city there are hastily put together sandbag walls standing waiting. I can't help thinking that all that sand washing down the drains might even exacerbate the problem. The city holds its breath and the citizens collectively wait. Two Thai colleagues are now affected and have had to evacuate their domiciles. The number of farang teachers at the school now living in alternative accommodation also appears to be rising.

 

What appears to be additionally saddening and alarming is that the Moslem fundementalists/seperatists  in Yala province down south last night chose to similtaneously detonate 10 bombs killing 2 and injuring dozens. It seems that nothing stands in the way of a zealous Zealot.

 

Sometimes you just have to shake your head.

 

On a much lighter note: Happy Happy birthday to my old dad who's just celebrated his 80^thin style surrounded by friends and family. By all accounts he had a brilliant time and was thoroughly spoiled. It was one of those times when I really wanted to be home to celebrate. In retrospect with all these closures it would have been a perfect time for an unofficial holiday..Oh well. I hear he's in the final stages of buying himself and ipad2…I'm really looking forward to helping him out with that.

And on that note:Mikemalcolm66is my skype number on my mobile devices and mikemalcolm1 is my skype name for my home based computer. I've bought a new laptop (the old one was 5 years old and is on its very last legs) and this new one has a webcam and microphone built in. I very much hope that I get the chance of some video face time with friends and family very soon. So those who are skype endowed, please add me to your lists.

 

I think it's fair to say I won't be blogging much over the next few days up to Friday, perhaps I'll include a flood update after the weekend.

 

In the meantime I shall hunker down and stay safe.

 

Peace out. xxx

Hi there, (14/10/11)

 

Things have not improved much since my last blog. The rain and consequent floods have now claimed over 280 lives in the provinces, and large parts of theBangkokouter suburbs to the north, East and West are under up to 2 metres of water.

 

Sandbags round shop doorways abound down the city centre way. There is a growing list of folk who are MIA and can't "make it in." Joy!

 

 Soo Its gonna be all hands to the pump at the school this weekend. After another huge early afternoon downpour, I can't help but be slightly pessimistic about this. Add to that the run off from north reaching the city combined with the neep tides from the south, it looks like we may be in a spot of pickle (to mix metaphors). Those of you who've actually seen some of the pictures and/or footage of the flood will realize that logistical problems are bound to follow in all sorts of ways: certain supermarket shelves are practically bare thanks to panic buyers: "4 cans per customer ! " reads the sign atTopsMarketVictoryMonument. Potnoodles have disappeared. An over reaction ? Yeah probably. For those of us lucky to live in the central Bangkok area , the worst we can possible imagine is a half metre or water for a day or two at most I reckon…The whole general panic in Bangkok does however appear to be infectious. Bandwagon jumping is a very Thai thing. The media seems to be hyping things slightly like the CNN/FOX news model, though admittedly throughout this posturing people are dying. …. Let's hope the levees hold….

 

I was amazed to read about the rise in "paupers graves/funerals in theUKof late. An average burial 3400 pounds an average cremation 2700!! Eh, what? 2700 quid to burn someone and sweep up the ashes into a tin jar..? I'm definitely in the wrong business. I should have built my own cremation business. Perhaps I could start out with a shallow lime pit and work up the business from there.

 

Seriously though… Here inThailandits about 50 quid to burn up your loved ones and discharge their ashes....that includes monks chanting services and a congregation of local temple dweller prayer folk. What on Earth can make such a ceremony so expensive in theUk? It's hardly as if there's a funeral cortege behind a black plumed horse drawn glass carriage a la Victorian times. 

 

It's just as well ,most humans don't choose to get stuffed and mounted. Gawd only knows what embalmers and taxidermists fees would run to… "We are stardust, we are golden, we are caught in the devils bargain" that's what Joni Mitchell sang back in the day… Well I'm sure even Old Nick would provide basic cremation services for free, even if they do happen to last an eternity and might sting a bit.

 

I've been waiting for latest new fancy apple IOS system to go online for weeks. However, now that it is, it seems to be a bit of a bastard trying to download it out here in the tech styx ofAsia. My supposedly fast uni internet says anything from 16-20 hours to get 700 Mb and eventually just gives up the ghost halfway through. It seems apple has realized its mistake. You can't keep on selling all this gear to the masses without a pretty good support mechanism in place for soft and hardware updates. I'm still swithering whether or not to spend 25 dollars a year to have my own icloud. I ponder the wisdom of backing up in cyberspace. As it takes you years to amass a collection of music that reflects your taste and eclecticsm, what a shame it would be to lose it all by some unforeseen EMP burst (and no I'm not talking alien invasion here). As things stand I recently backed mine up, twice as it happens..a mere 30 gigs..but at least its MY 30 gigs.

 

It's still rock 'n' roll to me.

Hi there, (07/10/11)

 

The central plains ofThailandare awash with floodwaters. There's no stopping this year's rainy season. True the Bangkok drainage systems maybe better than they were a decade ago, but this is the largest amount of rain anyone can remember for many a year.

 

Just north of the city by about an hour, the town and world heritage site of Ayyudhya (one of the numerous ancient seats of kings) seems to be really catching it. People are going missing and upwards of 150 are already dead.

 

Its not like a flood as we westerners experience it: a sudden and violent storm surge. No this is an inexorably slow rise of water as it spreads across the central plains "delta" covering thousands upon thousands of square meters. People in affected areas stand and watch the water levels creep up the hastily constructed sandbag barricades with trepidation with growing despair.

 

Ask any Bangkokian about their idea of Armageddon and it's nearly always flood over plague, meteorite, or pestilence. I guess we folk from mountainous countries tend to forget or discount the ever present threat of sitting in the incessant deluge on a flat plain. At any rate the death toll looks to rise further and there still isn't any end to the rain in sight!

 

 This week I got a facebook petition from aUKfriend to sign about stopping the "illegal" dog meat trade inThailand. I used to be more of a doggy person that I am now I suppose. But when you see all the packs of mangy, disease ridden, neglected ,and possibly quite dangerous  dogs lolling around by day and wolfpacking by night, its hard not to harden your heart.

 

Fact: Very few Thais eat dog meat. Some of the folk in the towns and cities up in the far northeast that share borders with Laos, Vietnam, and Cambodia do, but a tiny % of the overall populace.

 Fact: Dogs can be considered a very valueable source of protein to the crushingly impoverished citizens of these neighbouring countries.

Fact: This trade has been going on for decades. It never was any kind of secret. True some people gained financially from it. But we're talking a trade and livelihood for many many people here. It's not as if these hounds were being abducted out of gardens and compounds by shady characters in white vans…

It irks me somewhat that people far far away who have no idea about the situation take some kind of moral stand as they pop open a tin of tuna that has most likely been responsible for the deaths of a number of dolphins: Or that they eat fish that have been caught by deep sea "long line" fishing. An industry that is almost single handedly making certain species of albatross extinct.

 

On a happier (yet connected) note: This week I was delighted to see theNew ZealandBlack Storm Petrel reappear after 150 years of apparent "extinction". Every now and again some species or other somehow claws back from the brink. In the case of birds , it's fewer than a handle of species that have been rediscovered in the last 60 years. Great stuff.

 

In theScienceMuseuminGlasgow, on the third floor, just at the top of the stairs, there's a fake rock with a digital clock set in it. Above, it bears the legend, "number of species extinct since 2000" . Watching the numbers tick over in real time is very creepy and truly alarming. I'm afraid to even wonder at what the figure might be at in the 6 or so years since I last visited the place. It was astronomical last time I looked. I recall wondering just how many species of animal actually existed on our dear green planet…

 

On a personal note,I was out 2 days in a row..(shock horror) last week. Fighting through one of those particularly frustrating colds that just sit in your sinuses and make you dizzy, I quaffed a godly amount of ale. Indeed there was even an all-you-can-eat farewell dinner buffet for one of my colleagues. It's amazing how much pack away just because its there. I didn't eat for the whole of the next day!!! I did enjoy the late nights out on the town amongst the noise and the neon. Though admittedly I found late night drunken relaxation in a beer bar with my mate Chris (who I'd just bumped into by chance) watching the late footie game. If there is one small benefit to living out here, not only is the premiership on live, it's at a time when you can go out and enjoy a night beer or two to watch it. Far better than drinking beer at 3pm. So much more civilized. … ;)

 

So the world mildly laments the passing of Steve Jobs. A remarkable man who understood both technological innovation and sleek populist user friendly design . I'm sure history will carve his name as an early pioneer of the 21^stcentury. An "Edison" for the new millennium if you like. It goes to show that even a fortune of some 28 billion Dollars can't buy you the precious gift of life. His legacy and vision will live on for many decades to come, (floods, asteroids, plague and pestilence notwithstanding, haha ) and who knows what is yet to come.

 

Hi there, (30/9/11)

 

So a stock market dude appears on BBC TV and hopes for another world wide banking collapse so he can make money… And why exactly is there outrage or suspicion of a hoax about this? I profess to know very little about all things stock markety, but I'm fairly certain the so called "futures" market bets on downturns as well as upturns in the value of shares over future timescales. Just because someone comes out and suggests they personally stand to gain by betting on a future time of financial adversity why does everybody suddenly appear so shocked and outraged? I know of one guy who returned to Thailand after 5 years in the financial hub of London, and lived the life of a particularly hedonistic Reilly for well over a year based on his correct prediction of the recent world wide banks crash. If he hadn't got bored and needed the challenge of a new venture, he'd probably still be knee deep in fleshpots now.

 

We live in times of greed and avarice. There's no getting past it. Banks , once denizens of prudent and secure financial decisions have become to many as evil as the White Van Cowboys who come round to do the guttering, botch the job, charge you a king's ransom and thieve the family silver whilst they're at it.

 

The ""family silver" in this case is our collective value system. I can't shake the image of that looter in London two months back when being called out to by the reporter on the motive behind her actions, she indefatigably cried "I'm getting me tax back!" over her shoulder. All the institutions of society that we were supposed to respect and refer to as denizens of substance, decency, and societal values, have recently shown themselves to be a light and porous as a block of pumis stone, who's only worth apparently, is to scrape the dead skin off the soles of our feet. Count them off: Banks, Media, Educational institutions, Politicians, Police.

 

 Naturally I'm not saying that they are all rotten, or that many of the individuals within them aren't doing what they think is the morally correct thing to do. No, I'm getting more at this idea of "Gestalt". In these great pillars of society the sum is always more than the individual parts. Yet the "sum" here throws worrying dark shadows, voids if you like, in the gossamer thin fabric of our human collective experience.

 

I'm starting to sound a bit like a conspiracy theorist here. But it doesn't take much figuring out that there isn't enough of, well anything, to go round any more: Jobs, money, security, raw materials, the shopping list of needs goes on. Vast swathes of people and countries are going to be losers. Like some global playground game of tag, everybody is passing on the "infection" desperately hoping to be rid of it before the bell rings. IfGreeceand/orPortugalgoes into some form of national insolvency, the "house of cards" upon which we Europeans have lived on these last 25 years or so is going to crumble. If you live in the heady heights of rampant consumerism you'd best take an oxygen bottle of two with you up there. The air is thin and not predisposed to support life unaided for very long periods of time.

 

Out here the SET (Stock exchange ofThailand) is also having its crosses to bear. Whilst not exactly in freefall, there have been recent record one day falls in the value of shares here too. Whilst the global market economy hasn't quite lost a wheel yet, I'd say if you were driving behind it you'd be sitting mesmerized looking at a very wobbly and rickety back wheel still barely attached to the axle wondering just how to get past it before the inevitable and dangerous road accident ensues.

 

I think there is still some sort of security in actually making/manufacturing things.Thailandand Asia in general has grown from strength to strength in heavy manufacturing industries for example:ThailandleadsSE Asiain car production. And Chinacan barely get enough coal fromAustraliato keep its steel mills a-banging.

I've noticed a lot more self belief emerge as a result. Often I teach a lesson about countries, native languages and nationalities: When we talk about continents, the kids start crying out Asia is number one!,Asiais the best in the world! It used to be just aboutThailandand a sense of local superiority over the small collection of neighbouring countries. Somehow the kids have started looking beyondThailandand can readily see the economic power and benefits of a comfortably shady spot beside the sleeping dragon ofChina. Asian teenagers also seem to be taking less and less cultural references from the west on board. K-pop (Korean Pop) and J-pop (Japanpop) are a massive market here both in the branding of music and in the fashion styles that are being readily assimilated by the youth. As a teen teacher it's important to try and tap into this consciousness and exploit it in terms of teaching English. Naturally I'm an old codger are a lot of it simply passes by me unnoticed, but at least I try.

 

I'm not saying that the west is viewed as old hat and obsolete, just that it appears less and less as what people aspire to. The daily American reality show and soap series fodder for the masses that appears in dual language and/or subtitled format on cable here still ensures a 'westdose" for the addicted and the afflicted. And of course , for the crushingly undereducated and improverished, the opportunity to join auntie Maymay at her restaurant in some sort of one horse town in northern Norway is still a dream…. But for the Thais lucky enough to be moneyed and educated, there doesn't appear to be quite the incentive to "up sticks" there previously was.

 

Amidst all of this I pause and consider what exactly my future is, what my place is in the last third or so of my life in this rapidly unfolding "Brave New world" . I should consider myself luckier than many in my position as at leastThailandisn't nearly as crushingly ageist as about 90% of the other countries on the planet. Two songs are poignant lyrical value are playing back to back in my mental playlist just now: "In every Strangers Eyes" by Roger Waters and " I, Me, Mine " by The Beatles.

 

Where's that mental elevator music when you need it eh?J

 

Hi there, (23/9/11)

 

There's a website inThailandcalled Pantip.com. I'm not sure if it's named after the well known 'Pantip Plaza" mall :-home all known tecchy stuff and computer paraphernalia, or that it just happens to be a groovy domain name for Thais (especially Bangkokians) to gather together online and get forum chatty. Either way, there is a HUGE amount of buying and selling of "grey goods". By grey I'm talking about goods that have wended their way into the country in bulky suitcases full of merchandise. I'm not altogether sure if you can call such things smuggled. Perhaps Korean blusher or some cult brand of American lipstick doesn't actually come under any kind of scrutiny from Thai customs and excise. In any case, according to Cherry there is a burgeoning market of these so called chatroom promoted online shops selling all manner of cult and hard to find goods. A lot of people can end up funding an expensive holiday to foreign lands by buying to order. Indeed, it's interesting to see how deeply Thais go into fads and trends. Far much more than you might expect to see in theUK. I'm sure an eagle eyed so called "pattern recognition" expert inThailandcould make an absolute killing predicting future trends and capitalizing on them. Even for a devoted non-follower of fashion like me, its hard NOT to see these flashtrends spread and develop in downtownBangkokon an almost weekly basis. Siam Square where I work isTHEplace to go, hangout and shop on the weekends if you're a young 15-25 something. The latest trend would appear to be leather headbands with daisy like flowers emblazoned across the forehead. A bit weird I gotta say when you start seeing clones everywhere wearing the same thing. We in the west tend to assimilate a trend and personalize it, whilst here they slavishly copy it to the nth degree. It's also a bit weird right now cos it reminds me vaguely of my childhood in the early swinging 70's. We've already seen flares and kipper ties come back once, I hope to God they stay away amidst this indie/ hippy trend this time round. I for one will never be buying flares. Never ever again!

 

.......STOP THE PRESS…….

Trends never stay still for long it seems. I was reliably updated by Cherry last night that "it" headgear has indeed moved on. A girl on the Pantip website was recently warning her fellow plastic birdy headband wearers (think bluebirds in the 1940's Snow White cartoon) of the dangers of being attacked by the cat whilst sleeping with it on. Naturally I was a bit surprised and slightly dubious by this latest fashion statement until I got on the skytrain this mornin and saw one being proudly worn...

 

On a note ofslightlymore import, I noticed today that after 15,000 repeat experiments at the CERN laboratories in Switzerland, scientists have thrown in the "in house" towel and asked the world science community at large just why certain sub -atomic particles appear to be traveling faster than light. OK it's only a matter of a billionth of a second or so, but the ramifications are massive. So much of our understanding of existence has been based on the simple premise that nothing travels faster than light. Oops , oh dear!!! I really don't think there's a simple explanation to be had here. As I write, there are doubtless countless numbers of wild haired boffins standing in front of blackboards ,chalk in hand, feverishly trying to come up with a theory that will immortalize their name in the annals of human scientific history. Perhaps today can be marked as the day when the possibility of mankind eventually traveling across the vastness of space to distant planets became more than just a fanciful sci-fi notion. I facebooked a short youtube video recently about the stupid simple "dual slit" science experiment in which light confounds contemporary scientific explanation. And here we seem to have another chapter in "It isn't what it looks like" book. There are hidden dimensions or perhaps parallel universes out there that we can only get the merest sniff of in the exclusive language club of complex quantum mathematics. Once again our notion of the mechanics of our reality, what we perceive as our true place in time and space, has been thrown an almighty spanner: a celestial wooden clog or "sabot" if you will, tossed nonchanlently into the works by some snickering unseen saboteur. Humans eh? What a cosmic laugh… Perhaps we'll even discover in quantum mechanic terms at least, that the sun does actually shine out of our collective arses…

 

I started another night class this week. Given the length of this interminable rainy season I'm getting quite adept at sitting on the back of a motorcycle taxi holding an umbrella. No helmet of course, but an umbrella. If the dude drives at less than about 40 kph (which in this case he does as the 800 metre long side soi down to the Sindhorn building has speed bumps) It can keep its general shape without bending of needing to be forcibly held down..you still need two hands of course to keep a hold. Over 50 kph ,all bets are off. I wonder if Thai umbrella manufacturers advertise "Wind tested to 55 kph " in their marketing blurb. I'm not altogether convinced about the safety issues of going on the back of a 125 cc hair dryer with a driver who thinks he's Barry Sheen reincarnated). I know even a small fall off at 20 kph without a helmet could be fatal…But then so is the electrical wiring in this country. I won't go on a bike any major roads. I just use 'em sometimes for the 500 metre trip down to the BTS (or back if I'm laden with shopping), or for going down a long and quiet sub soi to my evening class in the pissing rain. People back in blighty tend to forget that even the most leisurely of 10 minute ambles outside in this country leaves you damp with sweat more often than not... and that's before you add in wearing business attire. Motorcycle taxis play their part in getting you to work with the merest sheen of perspiration as opposed to the whole unsightly soaked sweat shirt look that so many teachers go for. I for one will never own a plain light blue shirt out here!!  J

 

Anyway, the new class: I was expecting this lot to be a relatively staid lot of stockbrokers, not a bit of it. I'm going to be grafting pretty hard into the coming weeks to keep them under control. Sure they want this so called "edutainment" but as a teacher it can get a bit wearing to constantly have to battle people gobbing off to each other in Thai whilst you are presenting a language point or trying to demonstrate a game. They are extremely low level which would normally be all the more reason for them to listen. It wasn't a good sign when they are starting copying and shortcutting my activities at the expense of actually using pretty much any English. Oh well, I can get a little upset by it, or I can soldier on and see what develops. Certainly I've learnt not to judge a class by the first lesson. Maybe they'll turn out to be great….Maybe. I think I'm going to have to build up my teaching stamina as things stand anyways. Whatever the coming year brings, I get the feeling they'll be more of an emphasis on teaching and less on managing ,which is a shame cos I think I'm possibly better at the latter than the former. ..But that's probably for others to judge.

 

Not that I'm currently inviting feedback on that front...J

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there (17/9/11)

 

Ask any devout Buddhist and they'll tell you that returning as a human to this mortal coil means that they have yet achieved enlightenment (or that they made the choice to reincarnate in human form in their previous life).

Yes indeedy, what they all real Buddhists ultimately aspire to is "to cross the rainbow bridge leaving behind only their fingernails and hair". This got me to thinking…. How many of us, once reduced to our component parts, would leave behind an ash filled cremation jar that also happened to rattle? I know I will, I've got a few hundred grams of extremely expensive titanium biometal installed in my spine as well as my first palladium coated crown (which FINALLY got fitted last night btw)..

 

And that's just the add-ons I've garnered in the past twelve months…

 

And on a few more crowns, ( of which the ceramics are baked to 1200 degrees) a possible hip replacement, and a coupla pins for stress fractures and general wear and tear/injury over the next 20-30 years and my jar will be rattling like an agitated Diamondback who's just been cornered. I'd best leave instructions for it not to be emptied into the air from a tall building, they say even a dime thrown from the Empire State Building could kill someone…500 grams of titanium bio-pins would go through someone like a F###ing dart!

 

Looking around the big city and seeing just how many people are constantly "plugged in" in one way or another (myself included), it's not a crazy step to envision a future of human-cyborgs hybrids. Future civilizations won't be carrying organ donor cards, they'll be "chip reclamation" permission cards, and perhaps even carrying these cards will be mandatory.

 

 There are unsavoury precedents: In places like Birkenau,Auschwitz, and Belsen Belsen 70 years back , the Nazis spent a lot of time pulling the gold out of the unfortunate interns teeth to aid the war effort before eventually gassing them. Looking to possible futures: Harry Harrison, in his sci-fi book Soylent Green presents a world where a massive world populace is duped into thinking their main source of nourishment, "Soylent Green" comes from algae in the worlds oceans where in fact, it is re-constituted people; cannibalism on a global scale.

 

If anything, human beings, perhaps now more than ever, are commodities . We do actually carry an invisible price tag above our heads. Governments chart the economics per-capita: the levels of personal debt, the individual drain on the economy of the retired and the non contributors, the cost of raising and schooling a child: You can actually put a price on a life in those terms: That's how the surrogacy industry started out isn't it?. That's why people "buy" kids from adoption agencies in the old eastern bloc andChina. And also why people sell a kidney on the black market, sell their blood (in countries where there is a distinct lack of generosity of spirit like theUSA),and sell to the sperm bank.

 

What you can't put a price on is actually "animating " life. That vital spark of the divine that makes our hearts beat and our thoughts race. The 50 grams, ( the difference between alive body and a freshly dead one) that separates us from being 100 kilos (in my case) slabs of inert meat, bone, and gristle.

 

Scientists haven't really got round to cracking that one (except maybe the fictional Dr Frankenstein), but rest assured they're working on it, Cloning certainly walks on that ground. I fully expect to see the woolly mammoth return by the end of my lifetime.….The value of human "stock" will plummet once these scientists make that true breakthrough. Dolly the sheep, (now gloriously stuffed and residing in themuseumofScotland) was just the start. And when it happens, those individuals who are viewed as the true deadweight of society in this Brave New World will find themselves about as welcome as barbequeued baby back pork ribs at a Bar Mitzvah.

 

Whilst we're on the vague subject of species, I noticed this week they had discovered dinosaur "feathers" embedded in amber inCanada. I also saw a few artist re-interpreted renditions of some of our old dino friends. It's kinda weird seeing a velociraptor with a black and white hooped lemur-like tail. I'm not altogether sure my mind can wrap around the idea of colourfully plumaged fluffy dinosaurs. I kinda like the old scaly menacing ones. Not that feathers would have made them any less deadly back in the day….

 

 This week I learned a couple of valuable lessons this week in regard to the fairer sex:

 

1)     Homemade bouquets, however cute are not to be compared to professional ones, especially when given to celebrate special occasions. And no, I'm not talking "petrol station" flowers here. However large and fresh and beautiful a home made bouquet may appear to be to its creator, it remains "Mai Suay" (not pretty) in the eyes of the recipient.

 

2) Resist, wherever possible, your male "problem solving" hardwired tendencies , or even attempting to take the role of mellow peacemaker/conciliator when your partner is throwing an epi about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. I won't go into details, but this week, I finally cracked it. I stood there and let her rip (and rightly so bless her cotton socks) without trying to steer her away or calm the situation. Indeed, afterwards I even got brownie points by telling her she was quite right to get angry. The tempest blew itself out almost as abruptly as it started….I'm learning….Just very sowly..

 

 

This week I also went to watch my first Thai Premier league match after work. BEC Tero lost 1-0 at home to Sisaket in the pissing rain. To be honest it wasn't much of a match but admittedly the conditions played their part. There were occasional spurts of quite nice football. Why there was a quite sudden and very large 1 minute firework display exploding over the roof of the main stand with 5 minutes to play remains a bit of a mystery. Still it was nice to see Thai fans fired up and shouting and drumming and singing. I rarely see Thai folk yell and cry out with such emotion. It's nice to see they have fire in their bellies too…I took a taxi home , the taxi driver had been at the game too. He was a delighted Sisaket fan.

 

 We're thinking of making our way down to see the Port Authority play next. There are quite a fewBangkokteams in the Premier league. I hear the fans are a bit rough down there tho…

 

 

 

  Hi there, (9/9/11)

 

Bien,

 

"Le Chat est dans les pigeons" so to speak. The great work secret is now out and the scantily clad spectre can now be expelled in a slow and soft bubble of released ectoplasm.

 

There will be major changes at my work by next June. It is still incredibly unclear what exactly as things are very very fluid in their ongoing development at present. A bit like controlling the dribbles off a rapidly melting ice cream cone, (hankies to the rescue!) . However it does seem the faculty I work for is veering away from young learners and focusing on a more pressing project the Asean union in 2015.

 

Many of you are unlikely to have a scoobie what this is all about. Basically the member countries ofSouth East Asiaare all getting together to form a kinda mini free trade/work zone. Whilst they are stopping short of a single currency, they are planning to have (I understand) free trade/travel/employment within this "union". This might mean a helluva lot more movement on the jobs front as competition allows for massive migratory workforces to sweep majestically across the economic veld causing (if the UK is anything to go by) no small degree of xenophobia, jingoistic politics, and domestic disgruntled manual labourers finding themselves undercut and unemployed. With the minimum daily wage inThailand6UKpounds a day, this might take some doing…but I can't help but get the feeling there are a bunch of Burmese and Cambodians who'd work here for less. Indeed some of them already do in an illegal capacity.

 

Thailand, historically never having had the dubious pleasure of being effectively conquered and partially colonized by the "Dread Honky" European is, as a consequence, waay behind its poorer counterparts in English capabilities. CEC wishes to address this issue.

 

That's all I know for now on the subject. To comment further would be speculation and conjecture.

 

Alors, C'est tout en-ce moment !

 Et Bob est ton oncle! As they never say inFrance.J

 

I must mention the "BangkokShuffle" at least once a year during my blog. Perhaps my patience is running to a new low, or the rainy season is bringing out daily examples of extremeBangkokShuffle just to infuriate me.

 

TheBangkokshuffle is when people in front of you do terribly idiotic and stupid things to impede your progress in a straight line. This terrible affliction , a sort of terminal spacial dyslexia seems to affect a large amount of the populace.

 

Whether they; stop dead in their tracks to answer a phone on a narrow pavement, choose to meet up with ALL their friends just outside lifts or right at the foot of the down escalator, leave their supermarket trolley broadside on slap in the middle of a narrow aisle, or pause to fearfully watch the rolling "up" escalator steps before gingerly stepping on, all has been amplified by the inclement weather. Whilst it is true to say it's a bad idea to even attempt to venture more than 30 feet in the pissing rain without an umbrella, it doesn't mean you have to stand huddled en masse at the only entrance/exit from cover to watch the rain. Being taller then every one I have to be quite careful with my small ACE Life insurance umbrella. Carefully not to catch jury rigged power cables etc. The same however, cannot be said of many of my smaller umbrella equipped counterparts. They batter through narrow walkaways scarcely looking up. And yes they keep catching my umbrella innards and smack the central stick off my forehead. It's starting to annoy me…

 

…As are my interminable visits to the dentists. Visit number 5 is on the cards tomorrow. I've practically made the dentist swear it'll be my last visit. He was late and I had to sit for 40 minutes last week so he could only get the job half done. Still, I tell myself at least the drilling and the pain is over. Now it'll be the smell of burning plastic and the whirr and buzz of an oral 'angle grinder'. Joy.

 

Tomorrow is my third dose of mega Thai bureaucracy in a week.

 

I had to getanotherhealth certificate for a drivng licence on Monday. Then on Tuesday I went with Cherry (she had to renew hers) to get my first foreign driving licence. What a zoo! I had to take a number and queue up to stamp on a brake to show my reaction time, align two white sticks in a box electronically, and sit with my nose on a board and tell the examiner what colour the lights were in my peripheral vision, red, yellow, green. Gotta say the yellow was a most confusing shade of deep olive..Bastards almost failed me!!

 

Then I had to sit and wait for Cherry to watch an hour long safety film . As I was going from aUKto Thai licence I'm spared this show till next year. Indeed my licence is only valid for one year. When I go again next year I'll get another year. Then after that if I'm a good boy, they'll even let me have a 5 year one. Talk about licence to print money!! sigh.

 

Tomorrow it's up early and off to immigration to get my visa valid till the end of September next year. This won't spare me going back there in less than 4 weeks to declare myself for my 90 day report. Hopefully I can do it by post again. The immigration out North in Chang Wattana is about an hour and a half to get to from my home..grr.

 

Cherry is off on a work jolly on Saturday night to a hundred quid a plate champagne dinner sponsored and hosted by none other than Mr Clovis Tattinger himself. She was kind of eager for me to go, representing Marriott Hotel &Spa at the top VIP table with her. I must admit I was quite relieved when one of the outlet managers stepped in at the 11^thhour to claim the extra seat. I'm not sure how well I would have blagged my way round a table of General Managers of 5 starBangkokhotels. And champagne always gets me absolutely arseholed in double quick time. There is a glass of different Tattinger champagnes to accompany each of the 5 courses PLUS cocktails…!! Doubtless they'll be climbing over each other to get Cherry's attentions. She and the other managers at the daily briefing apparently instructed  the frumpy female colleague from the bakery outlet who going with her to dress well. They'll probably be the only skirt on the top table.

 

Naw, me and guys are thinking of grabbing a quick beer in the local mall then walking to the stadium behind to watch BEC Tero take on Sisaket in the 6/7^thplace battle of the Thai premier league.

 

Perhaps we can't invent a new chant or two:

 

"Score in the Thermee, you couldn't score in the Thermee, score in the Thermeee , you couldn't score in the Thermee"

 

(to the tune of "Guantamanero" …no prizes for guessing what sort of place the Thermee might beJ)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

re, (2/9/11)

 

Strewth September!

 

And so the rainy season grinds on (its been a really long one this year !) and back in the west the leaves are turning and the faint nip starts to taint the evening air.

 

Indeed there is much in the air at the moment. A slightly anxious sense haunts my consciousness, an imaginary mental cat crouching and twitching it's tail flicking, then settling in before the pounce. ..

 

Turn and face the strain, ch-ch-changes!

 

I was delighted to see inBonnthis week they had instigated a "Tart Tax". A parking meter type vending machine where streetwalkers had to pay 5 quid a night for the right to solicit on this particular street . I think it's a great way of getting tax from the freelance/outdoor part of industry that mostly doesn't even take credit cards!! (And seriously if they did, would you let a hooker "swipe" your card?) My mind got to thinking how it would work here, the machine would have to take banknotes for a start!! It would take 25 of the biggest value coin here to total 5 quid. Ladies of the night don't tend to walk around with pockets bulging with loose change LOL! Would they have police going round and inspecting every tax docket? Needless to say whatever country you instigate it in, that particular tax is most likely going to be passed on directly and borne soully by the customer. No self respecting hooker is gonna take a cut in wages for the good of the country haha!!

 

Tonight it is back to the dentist to finally get my crown fitted after the three sessions fo root canal work. Like I mentioned before it's really quite odd the way various dentists "specialize" and do one particular thing. One to fill and polish, one to root canal, and now one to do a crown . In a way it's slightly unsettling. I'm not needing some great "connection" with my dentist. I don't require some reassurance that this relative stranger seems to like me. I do feel however that given the potential for pain in this customer driven industry, it might be often better to createsome kind of rapport with the individual as they are then more likely to err on the side of caution when doing all those "painful" things with your mouth haha!. Multiple dentists take this potential away. And then worst case scenarios flood in: Who could forget Steve Martin's performance as a dentist in "The Little shop of horrors?" Or Dustin Hoffman's squirmly exquisite torture performance inMarathonMan ("Is it safe? "). Still the local clinic is waaay better than having to go to the dental floor of a hospital here !! After this I'm out for a while. There was talk of other possible fillings, but I think they can wait till my check up early next year. 5 sessions and 400 quid later I'm done for now.

 

At least I won a quarter share in the office footie sweepstake this week. A three week rollover meant a whopping 16 quid!! YAY!

 

I appear to be lacking any witty observation or sharp comment on life inThailandthis week. My Mates Chris and Leigh will be most disappointed as they love taking me to task about my blog. Especially if they feel I'm being hypocritical in any way. They did again this past week when we all decided to celebrate Leigh's new job with an overindulgence of food, alcohol, and heavy rock music. Whilst I certainly seem able to handle the switch from gassy beer to Bacardi coke at the time and not get utterly bladdered , I do always seem to have a legendary heartburn the next day. Thanks for the great night guys.

 

I will mention this though on the subject of forward planning andThailand: The skytrain line extension going down towards "Bearing" , after much delay finally opened on August 12^th. The date had been set in advance since roughly February this year. The same line also linked up about 10 months ago with the airport link line out of Phaya Thai station adding another 8 or so stops. So with all these extra stops you'd expect an increase in passenger traffic wouldn't you?. Well only now have the powers that be appeared to realize this and ordered extra carriages for the trains (which take about a year to come). The platforms were originally built to handle 5 or 6 carriages have only up to now been operating with three on this line and these station extensions have opened up a HUGE part of the city's populace to superfast BTS transport. The resultant daily stramash is not pleasant. It doesn't appear to matter what time of day you get on, it is almost always packed. The platform was so packed the other day atSiamthey switched all the escalators to "down" for a while so nobody else could go up there and possibly squeeze some unfortunate out onto the "hot rail". Forward planning?..DOH!

 

I've got a busy time coming up in a few weeks. A lot of kids teaching, a lot of prepping a new course , and I'm taking on another 30 hour corporate course on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Time to start filling the coffers for Christmas! I'd say I'm making hay whilst the sun shines , but there hasn't been to much of the sun round these parts lately, neither physically nor metaphorically.L

 

 

 

Hi there, (26/8/11)

 

My friend Ivon is fond of the rather crude expression to "spunk" money. I think he usually means spending overly large amounts in a semi wasteful way on nights out wining and dining. Whilst I've never personally equated spending money to pulsing jismic eruptions, I do kinda know what he's getting at.J

 

My friend Chris recently pointed out that I was being slightly hypocritical in my last 2 blogs insofar as: How could I talk about those succumbing to rampant consumerist values whilst buying myself an, (2^ndhand mind you) ipad?

 

I shall hold my hand up and say "Guilty as charged". I do expect this however, to be my last gadgety/personal item for some time to come, and it's not as if I spend my cash on fripperies that often. I certainly don't stick it all on credit and worry about it later. Actually this is a worrying trend here inThailand. They are visibly ramping up the credit card hard sell all the time nowadays. And what's the average Credit card debt for every adult in theUSA?

 $ 37,000 apparently!!! I also recently heard that one in three adults in theUSAwould not be able to instantly raise 1500 Dollars in cash if needed in an emergency…A worrying thought. "A hard rain's gonna fall " indeed!

 

Well as for me, with a whopping final dentist's bill coming up, my annual health insurance, and a few other small financial commitments coming up in September, it looks like the past few months savings are away up the Swanee.

 

Still, I like to remind myself at least I'm not eeking out an existence in theUKwith a car to run, unearthly water, gas and leccy bills and an endless stream of add-on taxes to contend with. I enjoy a good life, though whilst not exactly brimming with excitement and diverse activities, allows me to do what I want, pretty much when I want. We're all wage slaves when it comes down to it. It just depends on what your quality of life is. And mine is pretty good…..

 

This week's sermon:

 

It's a strange world , the way of the wilfer. No, not milfer, wilfer. The "What-Was-I-Looking-For" internet browser. You start on one search track and find yourself getting sidelined with monotonous predictability. Is it the fancy web designs? The flashing linkies ? The highlighted lettering in attractive azure blues and emerald greens ? The ridiculous suggestion you are the millionth visitor to the site and your prize awaits, (My brother got a TV out of that one....no joking!!!!)? Or the simple fact that in this modern age you find you've suddenly developed the attention span of a ferret for no apparent reason?

 

 Ipad certainly contributes to this whole constantly "plugged in" concept. You can barely watch a tv programme without suddenly getting the burning urge to wikipedia a name or a fact that might appear during the show. I do see a future for humans where we are indeed even more plugged in than we are now, perhaps even in some sort of cybernetic way. A world where we simultaneously assimilate multiple streams of information super highways because of some deep need to, er,KNOW. Know what? What that actresses name is, when that team last won the cup, what the current world record for domino toppling is?.. Sadly, the need to know drivel  for the most part…

 

The mind is a hungry beast, but unless trained and maintained properly, under the weight of populist trends and financial driven entertainment, it becomes one vast personal repository for trivia and banality. And I perhaps, am guilty of falling victim here as much as the next person. This is the burden of the 1^stgeneration wilfer. We consume the torrents of guff in massive brainfuls, barely stopping to chew, ever hopeful that some of the info nourishment will actually be processed by our system and have some value, or provide some wisdom in the real world. Tis a lonely way, the way of the Wilfer.

 

 I started reading "Brave New World" again recently ( as an ebook on ipad of course), and am quite startled at accuracy of the future it talks about. I can't quite recall when it was written, (should I stop and have a quick wiki wilf for it I wonder? LOL ) but it's at least 40-50 years ago. But in this case It's not pills that are keeping the world populace mostly placid and unconcerned throughout all the global preceedings: It's internet socializing , computer gaming, 3D internet ready tv's , Bluetooth device daisychains, and fervent multi-channel cable TV sensationalism. And as the population doubles and doubles again in my lifetime, the future seems pretty clearly established and set out in patterns for all those who have eyes to see. Perhaps the unexpected riots that exploded and spread in a frenzy of Blackberry messages in "civilized"England two weeks back were really just the tip of an awfully large and jagged iceberg floating ominously in the dark seas of the suppressed and malcontented underclasses .

 

Whatever it is. I, like most everybody else, am hardwired to the metal skein of this planetary hyperbaric mesh , and, in some way, am also beholden to the Net behemoth that dwells therein. I can't imagine my life without a smart phone, a life without knowing about major breaking events as they happen. Yes, even a life where I can wish distant facebook acquaintances a heartfelt birthday greeting without ever having to, or even feeling obliged, to get "re-know" them any further than the virtual world presently and so conveniently dictates. How often does the glowing green buttons of these "friends" appear in the chat window of your facebook telling you they are right there online and available, and how often do you not even bother to say a quick "hello"? But hey, that's ok. They wouldn't know what to say to you even if you did: a few vacant pleasantries and you'd both be making gentle excuses to return to your own facebook world of posting links, funny videos, and changing your profile picture for all your "friends " to see your latest update and make comments? And so it goes, round and round. Do I sound cynical? I really don't mean to be. It's just the way it is…

 

Someone here recently told me that she spends a lot more time on IM networks chatting to some friend or other than actually making a phone call to that person: The logic being that to actually pick up a phone and make a call to someone has become a far bigger deal and requires somehow a far greater mutual understanding and deeper level of friendship to one another than before. Phoning someone you call a friend has now apparently become kind of awkward as you don't want to "intrude" in their real world life.

IM's on the other hand, can be left ignored and regularly unanswered, even in mid conversation and neither party, by some sort of unspoken internet etiquette or code, feels awkward or loses face at the abruptly severed conversation. I can't help wondering if this might also be a possible future of the majority of  our human social relationships: You can't call a friend up and natter because the nature of your friendship is somehow defined in the virtual world and, as such, they don't qualify as close enough friends to you to be actually verbally spoken to in the real world in real time….hmmm.

 

Sermon ends.

 

This weekend sees week 33 and the end to one of my classes. Actually, I'll be sad to see the little blighters go. I only took the class on at week 14 and it took me a very long time to get them to gel and work with one another, (12-13 year old boys and girls aren't in to sitting beside, or interacting with one another very much- raging hormones!!) and now I finally have an integrated set of students, the course is ending. Doh! Some of them are proceeding to the Teen Bronze level, perhaps I'll take them on for one more cycle through to next June.

 

I wonder if I should tell them that.  :)

 

   

SORRY DOUBLE POST>

 

 Hi there, (26/8/11)

 

My friend Ivon is fond of the rather crude expression to "spunk" money. I think he usually means spending overly large amounts in a semi wasteful way on nights out wining and dining. Whilst I've never personally equated spending money to pulsing jismic eruptions, I do kinda know what he's getting at.J

 

My friend Chris recently pointed out that I was being slightly hypocritical in my last 2 blogs insofar as: How could I talk about those succumbing to rampant consumerist values whilst buying myself an, (2^ndhand mind you) ipad?

 

I shall hold my hand up and say "Guilty as charged". I do expect this however, to be my last gadgety/personal item for some time to come, and it's not as if I spend my cash on fripperies that often. I certainly don't stick it all on credit and worry about it later. Actually this is a worrying trend here inThailand. They are visibly ramping up the credit card hard sell all the time nowadays. And what's the average Credit card debt for every adult in theUSA?

 $ 37,000 apparently!!! I also recently heard that one in three adults in theUSAwould not be able to instantly raise 1500 Dollars in cash if needed in an emergency…A worrying thought. "A hard rain's gonna fall " indeed!

 

Well as for me, with a whopping final dentist's bill coming up, my annual health insurance, and a few other small financial commitments coming up in September, it looks like the past few months savings are away up the Swanee.

 

Still, I like to remind myself at least I'm not eeking out an existence in theUKwith a car to run, unearthly water, gas and leccy bills and an endless stream of add-on taxes to contend with. I enjoy a good life, though whilst not exactly brimming with excitement and diverse activities, allows me to do what I want, pretty much when I want. We're all wage slaves when it comes down to it. It just depends on what your quality of life is. And mine is pretty good…..

 

This week's sermon:

 

It's a strange world , the way of the wilfer. No, not milfer, wilfer. The "What-Was-I-Looking-For" internet browser. You start on one search track and find yourself getting sidelined with monotonous predictability. Is it the fancy web designs? The flashing linkies ? The highlighted lettering in attractive azure blues and emerald greens ? The ridiculous suggestion you are the millionth visitor to the site and your prize awaits, (My brother got a TV out of that one....no joking!!!!)? Or the simple fact that in this modern age you find you've suddenly developed the attention span of a ferret for no apparent reason?

 

 Ipad certainly contributes to this whole constantly "plugged in" concept. You can barely watch a tv programme without suddenly getting the burning urge to wikipedia a name or a fact that might appear during the show. I do see a future for humans where we are indeed even more plugged in than we are now, perhaps even in some sort of cybernetic way. A world where we simultaneously assimilate multiple streams of information super highways because of some deep need to, er,KNOW. Know what? What that actresses name is, when that team last won the cup, what the current world record for domino toppling is?.. Sadly, the need to knowdrivel for the most part…

 

The mind is a hungry beast, but unless trained and maintained properly, under the weight of populist trends and financial driven entertainment, it becomes one vast personal repository for trivia and banality. And I perhaps, am guilty of falling victim here as much as the next person. This is the burden of the 1^stgeneration wilfer. We consume the torrents of guff in massive brainfuls, barely stopping to chew, ever hopeful that some of the info nourishment will actually be processed by our system and have some value, or provide some wisdom in the real world. Tis a lonely way, the way of the Wilfer.

 

 I started reading "Brave New World" again recently ( as an ebook on ipad of course), and am quite startled at accuracy of the future it talks about. I can't quite recall when it was written, (should I stop and have a quick wiki wilf for it I wonder? LOL ) but it's at least 40-50 years ago. But in this case It's not pills that are keeping the world populace mostly placid and unconcerned throughout all the global preceedings: It's internet socializing , computer gaming, 3D internet ready tv's , Bluetooth device daisychains, and fervent multi-channel cable TV sensationalism. And as the population doubles and doubles again in my lifetime, the future seems pretty clearly established and set out in patterns for all those who have eyes to see. Perhaps the unexpected riots that exploded and spread in a frenzy of Blackberry messages in "civilized"Englandtwo weeks back were really just the tip of an awfully large and jagged iceberg floating ominously in the dark seas of the suppressed and malcontented underclasses .

 

Whatever it is. I, like most everybody else, am hardwired to the metal skein of this planetary hyperbaric mesh , and, in some way, am also beholden to the Net behemoth that dwells therein. I can't imagine my life without a dictophone, a life without knowing about major breaking eventsasthey happen. Yes, even a life where I can wish distant facebook acquaintances a heartfelt birthday greeting without ever having to, or even feeling obliged, to get "re-know" them any further than the virtual world presently and so conveniently dictates. How often does the glowing green buttons of these "friends" appear in the chat window of your facebook telling you they are right there online and available, and how often do you not even bother to say a quick "hello"? But hey, that's ok. They wouldn't know what to say to you even if you did: a few vacant pleasantries and you'd both be making gentle excuses to return to your own facebook world of posting links, funny videos, and changing your profile picture for all your "friends " to see your latest update and make comments? And so it goes, round and round. Do I sound cynical? I really don't mean to be. It's just the way it is…

 

Someone here recently told me that she spends a lot more time on IM networks chatting to some friend or other than actually making a phone call to that person: The logic being that to actually pick up a phone and make a call to someone has become a far bigger deal and requires somehow a far greater mutual understanding and deeper level of friendship to one another than before. Phoning someone you call a friend has now apparently become kind of awkward as you don't want to "intrude" in their real world life.

IM's on the other hand, can be left ignored and regularly unanswered, even in mid conversation and neither party, by some sort of unspoken internet etiquette or code, feels awkward or loses face at the abruptly severed conversation. I can't help wondering if this might also be a possible future of the majority of  our human social relationships: You can't call a friend up and natter because the nature of your friendship is somehow defined in the virtual world and, as such, they don't qualify as close enough friends to you to be actually verbally spoken to in the real world in real time….hmmm.

 

Sermon ends.

 

This weekend sees week 33 and the end to one of my classes. Actually, I'll be sad to see the little blighters go. I only took the class on at week 14 and it took me a very long time to get them to gel and work with one another, (12-13 year old boys and girls aren't in to sitting beside, or interacting with one another very much- raging hormones!!) and now I finally have an integrated set of students, the course is ending. Doh! Some of them are proceeding to the Teen Bronze level, perhaps I'll take them on for one more cycle through to next June.

 

I wonder if I should tell them that.J

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there, (18/8/11)

 

Indeedy it was another holiday weekend just there , so I didn't do any blogging last Friday. So apologies to my regular readers.

 

Lots of stuff happened in the past couple of weeks it seems.

 

The looting and riots seem to confirm what I've been occasionally getting at in my blogs about the feeling of some sort of societal breakdown happening in theUKsee from afar.

 

As an ex-pat I've always qualified my blog comments about my fears about UK society with the notion that I was aware how it's easy to be critical from the perspective of a "complacent" ex pat , but it seems, last week some of my worst fears were confirmed.

 

It appears no accident that the only shops up and down the country in riot effected areas that again and again surfaced practically unscathed from the firebombs and bricks, were bookshops… Time was when books were actually deemed subversive and dangerous enough to consider burning, think about the NazisKristallnachtonly 2 generations back. Now books appear so below your average human beings value structure that they appear to actively ward off potential evildoers.

 

Perhaps scrap yard merchants should replace their snarly guard dog warnings with 'Warning Hardback books on the premises!" to keep out any unwanted night visits from undesirables.J

 

Enough has been written in newspapers and periodicals worldwide about what an ostensibly civilized country like theUKis undergoing by way of some conflagration or societal "genetic manipulation". Politicians are jumping on this latest bandwagon, enjoying yet another opportunity at feigning more apoplectic outrage at anything that distracts focus from them and their so called "public service". Perhaps if the politicians weren't so bent, the bankers so greedy, the class system so rigid, the police so ineffectual, the media so corrupt, and the masses preoccupied and bombarded with rampant consumerist and vapid vacuous and utterly false societal values, none of this would have happened:

 

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which".…George Orwell, Animal Farm.

 

All in all, I find it another reason to stay out East for as long as I can. Brilliant as it is, theUKlooks like a desperately difficult place to eek out an existence as a middle aged English teacher….

 

I had a bad fall the other day. When I say bad, it was bad…

 

Coming out of the shower into the glassy stone tiled bedroom, the mat, which usually stands at the portal to dry slippery feet was absent. I did the original cartoon "banana skin" high kick crashing flat on my back and cracking my head on the floor from at least 3 feet up. I was lucky. Very lucky. Not only did I land on my upper back I managed to slap both arms down hard to take some of the force. It still left me winded, sore, and very very shaken. Cherry had to help me out with linement and anti inflammatories for my back for the next few days.

 I personally know of 2 people who have died from implications from a tiny fall of just 2 steps down from a stair. It's a reminder to really start taking things just a little bit slower and methodically. Everyone who knows me often comments on my tendency to rush about a bit too much. If anything, I've been dying to get back in rushing mode since my operation to tell myself I'm fully recovered. The fact is I'll never be fully recovered in the true sense of the word. I have been slightly invalided. I won't ever truly regain full use of my body. Rushing into accidents is not going to help my cause any. So as Cherry says SR! Stop Rushing!

 

The rest of the holiday weekend was, apart from that fall, really good. I went out on a big night of drinking and proper debate and discussion with my Aussie mates Chris and Leigh, I took Cherry's family out for an all you can eat Brazilian meatfest, and Cherry and I enjoyed a rare weekend in the city together. It was particularly nice to finally get to the planetarium I'd been promising myself for so long. Certainly the best 80p I've spent in a while. Thanks for driving Cherry.

 

My colleague James who's been here over 17 years says this is the worst rainy season he can remember. I posted a video of a typical storm rolling in on facebook this week. The monsoon clouds are very dramatic and almost theatrical in their appearance. It's a bit like the final scene of "close encounters of the thirds kind" you kinda expect to see a mothership suddenly poke out of the rolling cloud front.

 

Even with am umbrella, a five minute walk will get you soaked. I hope it ends before October as it started so early this year. I'm tired and walking tippy toes through enormous floodzones that just can't handle the volume and density of these vicious rainstorms. And don't get me started on drying my laundry! Goodness only knows what tourists make of it. At least it's so regular you could almost set your clock by it. By my reckoning I've about an hour to get home tonight before I get caught.

 

On that note . I'm offski.

 

Be well.

 

 

Hi there, (5/8/11)

 

We are but a few days away from the formation of Yingluck Shinawatras new cabinet. She herself looks highly likely to be the next PM ,but , more worryingly, there are more and more poignant soundbites/ vociferous advice coming from her self imposed exile brother hand feeding a hungry news corps. You just can't help getting the feeling that a rather large slumbering beast is being prodded and roused out of a stupor. Whatever appears to be going behind the scenes: with a grounded private jet sitting on a Munich airfield, and post election political manoeuvereing and the usual promotions , this temporary peace is conspicuous by the deafening hum of white noise in the background. Whilst I'm not exactly holding my breath, the weather vane is still spinning around in the freak eddies of an inexorably approaching tempest.

 

This is also true in economic terms. The failure of European countries and financial institutions to withstand pressure testing, coupled with the news of the USA stock market is spasming under the pressure of it's own negative inertia has had a knock on effect over here. The Baht still appears too strong for its own good. The SET (stock exchange) has been twitching uncertainly and the government, suddenly buying up 30 tonnes of gold suggests a batoning down of the hatches on the currency exchange front. Indeed, I was a little dismayed at the news of the UK considering devaluing/revaluing the pound to combat their own debt crisis. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that at some point everyone in the world is going to gang up against China and default on their debts in unison. Where does this a small investor like myself? Should I buy a mini ingot of gold and sleep with it under my pillow? Should I transfer what meagre funds I have left over to Thailand in the hope the exchange rate won't worsen : now 47 baht to the pound for goodness sake!! Scientists suggest that every physical movement in the universe produces matter and an equal and opposing amount of theoretical anti-matter. Every force forward has an equal and opposing force in the other direction. Do our decisions also produce a theoretical amount of anti-decision? Are there theoretical laws we can use to ensure the best decision to make at certain critical crossroads in our lives? Or as fallible humans do we just do our usual "muddling through" and save regrets and the lamenting of unchosen options for a quiet personal moment of reflection whilst staring into some glowing fireplace, wine in hand?

 

When you are young, you rarely weigh up any decision at all. You push on through according to your mood or your gut instinct because if you choose wrong, you can put it down to experience and skip gently on unencumbered by the weight of responsibilities. When you get older however, the neon option signs sizzle and flash like a bewildering ride in an open top convertible down the main strip in Las Vegas . Which one to choose? They all look so pretty, where shall I win, where shall I lose…? 

 

Fact is, gambling's a mug's game. The house always wins..eventually.

 

So why not stay in the car awhile? Just keep driving up and down the strip and simply look at the lights..Hell, even go for a drive in the desert...

 

I went to the Grand canyon once some years back, and as I stood there on the precipice and looked down at the ever receeding deep shelving plateaus of just a tiniest little section of what is, simply put, the biggest hole in the world , I realized two things: That I was blessed and privileged to be able to come to this magnificent place. And also that I was the smallest, most insignificant speck , a tiny piece of lint on the hem of mother natures dress.

 

When we worry and fret in times of crisis it is well to remember such memories. However life goes, wherever the crossroads and backroads of our lives choices may take us, we'll adapt and survive: have our moments in the sun, the treasure of some fleeting precious little victory, and inevitably, our miserable dreich hikes through the interminable rain.

 

C'est la vie innit?J

 

 

Hi there, (29/07/11)

 

There is a small ,but distinct possibility I'm getting fished in to the world of gadgets. That said, from what I'm discovering, you can actually save shitloads of money over the long haul.

 

What I'm getting at here is that I bought myself a second hand ipad 1. It's my first foray into purchasing 2^ndhand off craigslist.org , but I have to say I'm totally thrilled with it. The guy (a very nice computer programmy guy from theUSA) had really looked after it and sold it to me along with a 100 dollar integrated aluminium bluetooth keyboard case. So in effect the device only cost a ba' hair over 200 quid . From what I see from ebay prices I got an absolute steal.

 

So what about the money saving thing? Well, I discovered quite quickly that you can get just about ANY electronic book you want for free if you know where to look for it. I'm a bit of a reader and barely a month goes by that I don't drop 10-15 quid at the big bookshop nearby. I can now get pretty much anything I want. I even got a book that I was told wouldn't be available inAsiatill next year.

 

Ok, so at about 1000 books of various genres and categories my current ibook library might be a little too big for my needs (who needs the entire Agatha Christie back catalogue?) but how blooming great it is to have them. I now have a whole series of 13 books I've always been keen to read, but baulked at the total investment they represented: in finding them ,buying them, and reading them in sequence. I did it once before and it became a real chore.

 

Then of course there's the whole thing about a totally portable mini movie theatre, real quality music studio (Garageband), and all the games, puzzles, email, web browsing, travel maps, news, magazines, cross platform syncing calendars, GPS, music etc etc. I can even use it as a decent word processing station with the nifty keyboard and the facility to dropbox stuff…In short I'm thrilled!! I took it upcountry last week whilst I was away working and it was a total delight to have in the van as we made the arduously bumpy three hour trip to and from the venue.

I even discovered that my iphone can actually become a personal wifi hotspot and basically pair with and allow ANY wifi/Bluetooth devices in the vicinity to piggyback onto the network. So all "Mr Geeks" devices at home now talk to each other and share one 3G(cleverly converted to) wifi hotspot. I have to thank Cherry for her invaluable help in this. She was the one who did the requisite research after she discovered I'd signed up to the True network to power my ipad browsing. I'll keep the contract a month or two and cancel it once I'm certain AIS can handle everything. I was always a little bit tentative about tablet computers, after all, they are not, repeat not mini laptops, but in their own way, with a few "workarounds" you can get them to perform as well, in some cases even better. 10 hours plus battery life is brilliant , and with the brushed aluminium keyboard case it comes in at something like a kilo in weight. A damn sight lighter than carting a laptop and charger around…don't even get me started on starting it up..you push the button andBLAMit's on…perfect for those 5-10 minutes when you're hanging around somewhere waiting for someone!

 

Apple may have their detractors, but to my mind they've totally got their shit together. I admit they're always going to be nudging potential customers to their way of thinking and their products, especially applications, but as long as there is a minimum of document editing/reading integration with windows based PC's I really never see the need to make the full switch over. I'm really thrilled with my ipad and I'm sure we'll have a long and productive relationship.

 

 After two consecutive weeks with my days off cutting, converting, splicing, researching, uploading, downloading, image finding, software searching and other associated hassely tasks, Walkabout tours have successfully been resurrected. MySt Andrewstour was accepted and published by mytoursapp.com yesterday. A few months from now they'll be available at an itunes store (for 1.49) near you. I'm even thinking of using the ipad to create another..but we'll see.

 

My horoscope in BK magazine this week said that lately it felt like I was swimming in a Victorian woollen bathing costume and matching bathrobe . Whilst I normally laugh such things off, I couldn't help feeling there was a certain truth in this. Sink or swim? Evolve or perish. There is a feeling of change in the air, a strong blustering breeze that sends weather vanes spinning and portends to new challenges.

Time for a spot of skinny dipping….

 

 

 

 

Hi there, (22/07/11)

 

The holiday weekend last week was a grand time to have off. Admittedly, the island paradise of Koh Samed that Cherry and I went to was a bit of a long way for 1.5 days (she had to go back to work ), but that said, we had a lovely time.

 

It was a good call of her to find a nice wee resort (Ao Cho Grand Villa Hideaway) on a quiet beach 25 mins walk from the general crush and stramash at Diamond Beach. I've never visited the island over a holiday weekend ,so it was quite a surprise to see so many Thais out and about. Normally when I go (just after New Year) the place is like little Scandinavia with tons of blond haired lads and lassies frolicking in the surf. Thais tend to do their holidays in a different way, generally in huge gangs of people. The herd mentality strikes again.

 

We tried an afternoon snorkeling, but as it was full moon and the sea was all churned up sand and we really couldn't see more than about 2 feet in front of us….Add to that a pathetically little ladder on the back of the speedboat and significantly large swells, I found it quite a struggle to get back in and pretty much decided I'd had enough before I hurt my back.

 

So we let the boat abandon us for 2 hours at the beautiful Ao Wai beach at the southernmost tip of the island. A lovely beach, aquamarine water and 3 foot high waves to crash and thrash about in . Brilliant!

 

The high swells kinda got to poor Cherry on the way home and she started suffering seasickness. I can sympathise, although it has been many years since I suffered, I do recall how quickly it comes on and how dreadful you feel.

 

The rolling boat and bumpy bus 4 hour journey on the way home made me appreciate how much easier it is to jump in Cherry's car and flit in comfort the 2 hours or so up to Hua Hin for a bit of sea and surf. I think we'll make the next trip back up there. Lovely as it is, Koh Samed is not a 2 night sort of place. If you're gonna go there, you need to go for 3+ nights and take a couple of good books as once you've done any traveling on the appallingly bumpy and rutted tracks, you don't really want to move about muchJ.

 

Those of you who've known me for some time will remember the slightly ill fated attempt at my own little business around the start of the millennium: The walkabout audio-guided tours ofGlasgowandSt Andrews. At the time they were on cassettes and you could hire them out of the tourist offices in both towns. Problem was all the overheads. By the time I'd made them , paid membership to both tourist boards and their point of sales commission. and done all the companies house registration etc the profit margins really plummeted.

 

So when I was back home in April and rummaging around my stuff in my brother's barn, I was delighted to find the original masters in CD form…

 

I got to thinking about making an app on itunes where I could sell them through itunes and people could be guided through the towns with maps, photos and audio. Pretty quickly it became apparent that not only didn't I have the requisite know how, I didn't have a mac computer, and joining up their inhouse development programme was gonna cost a packet. BUT, I found a guy in New Zealand called Glen (www.myapptours.com) who'd put together a fantastic template based tour uploading site where I could slowly piece together my tours exactly like I wanted them (with a map and pictures to view of each stop) and upload and publish them. Again, if I wanted my own dedicated Apple itunes app through him, it was going to cost $750 plus monthly fees! But it turns out that he's almost finished doing a kind of free mytours app where I can go under his "banner" and we'll split the profits equally. So on my days off for the last couple of weeks I've been doing just that. The Glasgow one is done and dusted, and theSt Andrewsone should be done my end within the next week. I'm expecting them to go live on the itunes store before the year is out. Priced at 1.49 UKP each I hope that maybe they'll tick along and make me a bit of pocket money from time to time. Either way, it's nice to have found a way to resurrect them. When the time comes I'll be asking all of you out there with an itunes account to visit the app and throw down some glowing feedback to help get it on the map.

 

I'm kind of wondering if I could maybe do some more in my spare time. It's a little tricky though as you really need to physically go onsite and carefully walk and plan each walking route.Bangkokis a dead loss cos it's far too hot to walk here. I was thinking Dundee and perhapsStirling. I saw my friend use 'Garageband" on his ipad and was frankly amazed at how good the quality was….so maybe…we'll see. Admittedly I've getting a little sucked in to gizmoworld lately.

 

 So I'm off again on my days off next week to do more work out of town. This piecemeal work has been ticking over really nicely since the start of the year, it's been great having the extra spot of cash at the end of each month and it's kinda spared me the grind of having to do additional corporate teaching around town twice a week.

 

That said, I covered James' ACE insurance class for 5 nights whilst he was away visiting theUK. They were a really nice bunch. There were even a couple of my old students from last year in there. It was a big class of 16, but it was a lot of fun in that no pressure edutainment "cover/substitute" teaching format. They must have liked my style too because they presented me with an ACE notepad and an ACE branded umbrella on my last day.

 

It's always nice to get a handy collapsible umbrella, especially at this time of year with all the surprise rainstorms. My regularSiamcommercial bank one is starting to get a bit tatty. I've collected a few freebies/gifts over the years to strategically place them in the various teaching bags I use and the places I work!

 

I haven't mentioned much about the post election "vibe" here because, frankly I don't know. It's quiet, very quiet, almost too quiet. Who knows what wheels are frenetically turning in all the background chicanery. I expect we'll be finding out soon enough!

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there, (08/07/11)

 

The futureboard political party posters have come down, the thoroughfairs and pavements are now free of propaganda. The speaker mounted flatbed trucks with their fervent flag waving supporters have retired to their respective garages and barrios. The election is over. It's a landslide, and  Yingluck Shinawatra the Geckophobic party leader won it by a landslide. Thailand will doubtless be getting it's first female " Prime Minister " imminently. All the victorious party rhetoric circles round one word 'reconciliation". To a partial cynic like me that distinctly sounds more like "amnesty" (for a certain individual who's in self imposed exile following his deposement and subsequent embroilment in absentia in a dodgy family real estate scandal)….so "reconciliation" it is then. The reds and the yellows will join hands across the massive gaping abyss that is their rigourous class structure and their comparative standards of living. The minimum hourly wage will be doubled following certain populist election promises, and all will unite in a spirit of brotherhood and co-operation.

 

Yay.

 

It's good to see businesses opening up again in my part of town. When they all got slung out and the buildings gutted I feared it was the overture to a bulldozing and building of another large condo complex. Luckily each shop has had a new rollerblind and bright big windows installed in the floors about. New businesses have moved in, less food stalls, and more shoes and clothes shops to serve the unfeasibly large number of office workers out and about in the Ari district at lunchtimes. As yet, my favourite old Khao Moo Daeng shop (red pork with rice) has yet to raise it's roller blind as it is the last to be finished on the corner of the "new" block. The place was a goldmine in it's day, I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed it makes a triumphant return to the Ari street food scene…

 

People have been making lots of noise about storing info in "clouds". Whilst I may not trust my entire database to the frequencies in the air, I did decide last week to get a cloud of my own. Whilst I wouldn't describe my own as a Cumulo Nimbus, at 2 Gigabites it's no Cirrus either!

 

Whether we like, trust it or not, cloud based info storage is here to stay. So myself and my family and a few friends I persuaded/strong armed- in order to get more free storage space - now 4 gigs and climbing- have signed up. Dropbox is the clouds name and it is really really useful.  No more limitations on attachments and waiting for them to upload on your email. Just make a folder, share it with a few email addresses of choice and drop in whatever things you want them to share with you: Pics/photos/docs/spreadsheets/powerpoints/pdf's the list goes on and on. Of course you need internet to access it but the usefulness of having one file that many people can work on simultaneously from different locations makes it blooming marvelous.

 

My luck with the tooth fairy finally expired this week as my crown disintegrated to a sharp sticky out pin. I knew it was coming, in fact I'd even made an appointment for Tuesday, which had to hastily be rescheduled for Monday.

So I went to see a freakishly young dentist who cleaned my teeth and give me a single filling before referring me to the "crown" guy the next day…an incidentally telling me I had 4 more spots that need a filling..yay.

 

The following day, the crown guy sheared off the painful pin (I couldn't eat cos it jabbed my tongue) and referred me to the root canal lady this Saturday. She's gonna dig into the teeniest tiniest xray "blackspot"/ infection at the base of my pre molar on Saturday night after I've finished teaching.. double YAY. Two trips to her , and then the crown guy will do his bit. Then back for those additional 4 fillings I mentioned. I should be done by the end of the month and probably poorer by a couple of hundred quid. Though I'm certain the same amount of work in the UK would easily be twice that… so don't skip your regular check ups people or you'll end up in schtook like me….At least there's that weekend holiday to look forward to.

 

Yup,  it's one more weekend to get through, a 2 day working week next week, and then I'm off to the tropical beaches of lovely Koh Samet with my gorgeous-in-a-new-bikini Cherry. We'll need to head off to this island paradise pretty damn early in the morning on Friday, coz sure as shootin' , it's gonna get very very busy over that morning as hordes of young Thai groups make their way there too. As we only have 2 nights there I'd like to try and be on the beach by lunchtime!

 

So don't expect a blog till at least a week on Monday.

 

Which is why I'll wish my brother Andy a brilliant birthday now and I hope both the west coast holiday week, and the Queens Garden Party in Edinburgh lived up to his expectations.

 

I'm expecting the dropbox photos any day now. J

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    Hi there, (01/07/11)

 

Decorum….there's a word you don't really hear much these days.

 

Probably because in these fast paced demon days decorum, like protocol, is rapidly becoming labeled as something obsolete from "grandads time."

 

Still, in a rigidly set society's such as Thai, these still appears to be a clear line demarcating what might require a bit of decorum and what might not.

 

Take the example of slightly drunken colleague at a party last week. Ok so he has a wicked/naughty streak a mile long. If he can drop people in the shit, he will. If one shouldn't really broach the taboo subject of politics, especially in such inflammatory times here, you can rest assured he will. Topics on sexual politics, religion, ladies breasts and the suchlike regularly get so casually tossed up in mixed conversation, and all with such an utter lack of self-consciousness/embarrassment that it's plainly apparent only an American citizen like him can pull it off. 

 

Decorum then. We're not talking about sitting tweely on the edge of a floral print sofa stirring tea with a pointed little finger. Just perhaps the innate knowledge of knowing when to reel it in a tad . I, especially in my cups, have often been blamed for my lack of it in the past. Indeed I used to revel in shocking people. But as you get a bit older and slower, there is less of a need for it.

 

Which is why I was quite taken aback at the almighty scrum at a discount perfume sale last week . You know the sort of place: an L shaped entrance hallway in a large business skyscraper, 3 long tables with hastily home colour- printed A4 ads stuck on the wall behind. There was a crew of about 10 trying to service the demands of 150 odd gaggling women (and a mandatory sprinkling of gay guys) who were all crammed against the tester desk spraying their scents around like a tomcat in heat. Whilst doing so they, had mobiles crammed to their ear and were shrieking out the prices to absent friends AND similtaneously trying to tell the hapless assistant what items to jot down on her piece of order paper before they rucked and maoled their way to the pick-up and pay desk round the corner..

 

What was I doing there? Well may you ask! Basically, Cherry had seen the ad on Pantip.com , a very popular forumy, chatty, classifiedy , hintsy, tips, and shopping pointers website that any self respecting Bangkokian woman occasionally logs in to. She told me that there were always good deals on designer shower gels and deo stick and the likes (like 3 -4 quid) and that her brother was going. I arranged to meet him at 10, got there 15 mins early (the empty tester desk was already cram packed with women with the fervent , zealous expression of the overnight-camping-Boxing Day -sales -shopper…definitely not worth trying to edge in sideyways then…

 

With Joe's help I managed to snag a few items (untested and unsmelt) within the first few minutes of the sale and watched and waited whilst he completed his own shopping amidst the rapidly growing mass, ducking strategically in and out of the throng to make an enquiry here, or to examine a product there. By the time he was ready to buy I thought he'd be ages at the pick up and pay point if the sheer number of debit cards being waved in the air was anything to go by. But he was fast and efficient and somehow we got out of there 20 minutes later, beaded with sweat, and grateful for the relative peace of the  roaring traffic on Sukumvit after all the shrieking and  gaggling. Being the only farang at this little flashmob, I guess I must have stuck out somewhat. "No Photo!" was shrieked at me from a formidable lady boss as I tried to photograph the spectacle. This came across really quite ironic as everyone around me was using their phones to photograph wall ad prices and mail them to their friends.

 

Maybe they thought I was a kind of shopping spy. I mean this was all real (non fake/copy) merchandise. I saw a bottle of discounted perfume with a central department store price sticker on it. It was discounted to half its original price, due to, I suspect an expired expiry date.

 

I didn't know perfumes could expire.

 

Perhaps it was because the 50 ml bottle of Escada after shave I bought said "Tester only not for resale" on its plain sealed cardboard box.

 

I've never seen a feeding frenzy like this in Thailand before. It's safe to say that decorum went out the window, as did gentleness, politeness, and common courtesy. I did see a few semi arguments erupt as women locked horns over ownership of some limited edition bottle of perfume or other at the pick up / paypoint. But nothing that looked like it could turn nastier.

 

I really didn't have the heart to push and press shoulders to get at the really good stuff. It's not like it was a guitar fire sale or something haha!

 

Don't think I'll be attending to next one. It was definitely an interesting experience, but perhaps not worth all the hassle just to smell good….Cherry may not agree with me about that LOL!

 

So another weekend of no beer on sale whilst we finally get these elections sorted out. Like most things I'm sure they'll be a lot of maneuvering and posturing post election whilst the various factions and interested parties align themselves but it certainly isn't going to go softly into night if you get my drift. The editorial I read from the times last week certainly puts a pretty bleak perspective on the whole shebang. We'll just have to see how the voting and reaction goes out in the styx. Bangkok is a bit like the Emerald city in the Wizard of Oz. A shiny place of wonder and spectacle to the rural poor, an entirely "alien" city filled with an "alien" species of folk, with their odd lofty notions who even   speak a weird form of the same language….

 

I've mentioned before how Bangkokians of a certain income bracket LOVE their gadgets and gizmos. This is especially true of phones.

But, unfortunately technological infrastructure isn't quite keeping up. I've mentioned before how the True company has used every tool in the monopolists handbook (and a few others to boot) to maintain a stranglehold on the 3G coverage…well things may just be changing. Whilst the rest of the world casually enjoys 3G, welcomes 4G and looks forward to 5G, Thailand limps along in a sea of political chicanery and opaque business practices.

 

So you could have knocked me down with an ostrich feather and tickled me pink when the 3G symbol appeared on my AIS powered phone at home 2 nights ago. I seem to be fully 3G'd up in my apartment now. When I go down to the condo foyer, or out the front door it disappears! I can only surmise that the huge government e-commerce and income tax building my apartment faces has pulled a few strings/favours and got an AIS 3G transmitter in their grounds. Using my phone as a modem I now have super fast internet browsing and all the advantages of decent tech. Blooming marvelous. Of course, the cynic in me wonders if this is all some sort of beta test and any day now the symbol will disappear and it's back to the old "Edge" technology. Certainly if this keeps up I'll resurrect my skype/and or start trying video calls to my nearest and dearest…Fingers crossed.

So the elections are almost upon us. The papers and the populace are slowly getting geared up for local and national votes. A funny story appeared in the papers concerning the frontrunner Ex- PM Taksin's sister. You remember, I mentioned her last week? Cherry told me this great story…. Apparently she has a pathological fear of geckos and on the campaign trail has a team of aides whose specific job it is to sweep any room she enters of the offending beasts. Apparently they didn't do such a bang up job at a rural petrol station toilet last week as the likely future prime minister of Thailand's petrified shrieks carried all the way through the air to the attending press core outside!

 

I can't help wondering what she might do if the Chinese navy start a programme of ' military exercises" in Thai territorial waters.

 

The mind boggles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there, (24/06/11)

 

The elevated railway, the BTS or "Skytrain" as it is known here has been undergoing a noticeable upswing in passenger traffic lately.

At first I thought it was me, changing my work commuting patterns to be more in line with rush hour, but my colleagues are all weighing in with similar comments.

 

This of course is partly due to the new airport link that joins my line at Phayathai station. Apart from servicing vast swathes of  unpronounceable and semi-forgotten city barrios only hitherto accessible by bus, it also now accommodates a lot of luggage carrying locals and penny pinching backpackers heaving their possessions round the crammed compartments on wheelie cases and smelly rucksacks. (seriously backpackers , gonnae take your rucksacks off and try standing with them between your legs…heaps of locals are getting swatted by your stained rucksacks during rush hour every time you turn a mere 5 degrees to look at the station wallchart!!).

 

The thing is, although the new line crossing over the river to to Wongwian Yay now sports shiny new trains with electronic signs and 4, yes 4! Carriages, the powers that be steadfastly refuse to add an extra carriage onto the train on the On Nut-Mo Chit line. The train is now almost constantly stappit full of people unwillingly playing some cosmopolitanly extended game of sardines. I was indeed, most unimpressed this morning at the young guy next to me getting into his ipod sounds so much he was wobbling and shimmying against me (back to back I may add) in some kind of twitchy dance. It was the commuters' equivalent of getting your leg humped by a maiden aunt's Pekinese doggy whilst having afternoon tea.

 

But of course one mustn't lose ones cool. You live in a city like Bangkok you really gotta be prepared to roll with it. No point in expecting any degree of personal space whilst walking and commuting through the busy streets of the city centre.

 

Anyway, another 4 stations due to come onstream on the southern part of my line from mid August and I'm sure passenger occupancy will increase again. Maybe then they'll think about those extra carriages, the platforms are so long they could easily take 5, possibly 6 carriages at a time. The authorities really should consider options soon as it probably won't be long before there's a fatality…even if the wardens with their whistles vigilantly watch and "blow" you back into the semi orderly throng once the yellow line at the platform's edge has been breached….

 

I've been starting my mornings with an early dip in the pool of late. Something quite nice  about being tousled haired and semi awake as you hit the water. Yeah I know, I should get wet with a shower first, but I'm the only one ever there!! The pool is kept in very good order and is almost always pristinely clean apart from the odd bloom that has fallen down from a window box above. As it is only roughly sixty paces from my front door to the pool area on the floor blow, to underutilize it would be a bit of a crime. The rowing machine in the adjacent gym will have to wait just a little longer….

 So it's a nice wee regimen: dive in, swim up and down till breathless, (not very long) stretch and bounce and do my back injury version of those water aerobics you often see morbidly fat people doing… ;). Not that I'm morbidly fat you understand. Then couple more lengths and out and back to the flat. For a lad from cold and rainy Scotland it's always going to feel a bit special and exotic doing this early morning swim thing. It may only be only 10 odd minutes, but it's a GOOD 10 odd minutes and I feel looser and there's the merest perceptible hint of a bounce in my step. Long may it continue.

 

Only a few more weeks till the long weekend and Cherry and I head to the island of  Ko Samet. I'm really looking forward to getting out of town and hitting the beach without having to work there at the same time. We booked our beachfront villa some 6 weeks ago and a colleague is now telling me he's having a terrible time finding a place for him and the missus. Koh Samet is one of those places that gets very very full with young Thais over holiday weekends, there is even a Thai play on words that suggest it's the place to go for some scurrilous slap and tickle. I was recently teaching "if "clauses and using superstition to highlight the point: "If you walk under a ladder you will have bad luck".

 

I was surprised to hear some of the local Thai superstitions. They, like us, have issues with ladders and black cats. They don't like leaving a house with a gecko above the door either. But perhaps the best one was probably cooked up back in the 70's by some mysterious circle like the "Royal and ancient league of overprotective Thai-Chinese grandmothers." It goes something like:

"If you go with a boyfriend/girlfriend to Koh Samet , you will never get married"

 

That'll scare the proverbial bejesus out of a section of the society's youth here for sure. This family " wisdom" can almost be directly compared to a customized version of good old Catholic guilt….where indeed would we be without the wizened big haired Mary Whitehouses of this world. Every country's got 'em.

 

Here in the land of T-shirts, it never fails to amaze me what tourists and locals walk around with emblazoned on their t-shirts. Indeed there is one shop near the office selling ones saying things like: 'fuck you" or "don't fuck with me cos I'm chill now"! (nice eh?) Naturally the tourists love all the generic "same same but different" and "no money no honey" ones.

But what I have difficulty getting my head around is the sheer volume of ones promoting heavy weaponry and military equipment, (guns, tanks, military aeroplanes!) that Thai men (and some women) in particular seem to value so highly. Of particular note is Glock handguns, they seem to have cornered the market in aggressively colourful embroidered shirts with all sorts of mildly macho and threatening slogans. For an ostensibly peaceable folk it does seem somewhat incongruous.

 

The only shirt that has made me laugh recently is a pastiche on the children's Mr Men series with a smiley rotund figure with a white scraggly beard, wearing a knitted skullcap, and carrying a cartoon stick of dynamite…Mr Fatwa is his name apparently! J.

 

When you live in the land of bugs and creepy crawlies where almost every flying insect either bites, stings , or does a wee on you that itches like hell, it's always nice to have nature on your side.

 

I've had one or two apartment issues with ants, termites and the odd cockroach (even with my plug in electronic do-bugs-head-in-so-they-piss-off defence grid. So it's perhaps no surprise that my domestic family of geckos seem to be growing. Personally I love the little blighters even if they do scare you sometimes with their flashing movements in your peripheral vision. Cherry doesn't quite feel the same. Geckos don't warrant the same level of shriek from her like roaches do, but I do need to step in and  shoo them out of sight when she sees them.

 

My geckos are quite big for these beasties. I don't really know enough abut the different types but they appear a slightly different colour (more woodland green as opposed to mustard). Little babies can occasionally be seen scurrying infrequently around the place. I guess in my large apartment they've found a treasure trove of high energy protein to consume. They certainly seem to be communicating this fact to one another with their regular multiple "kissy-pecking" sounding calls. If you'd told me 5 years ago I'd be happily cohabiting with a bunch of scurrying lizards I might not have believed you. But we humans adapt, we improvise. I'm just glad I don't have any serious spider issues…

 

That would be a different matter entirely. J

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there, (17/06/11)

 

I could try yet another different colour of font for my website, but as this particular colour only seems to upset my grumpy Glasgow friend Alasdair, I'm gonna suffer his ire. You can always copy and paste it onto a blank doc matey!!! J

 

So what's goin' on in BKK? Well the normally narrow and treacherously uneven pavements now have a new set of obstacles: election posters. Yes indeedy, every lamppost, cable junction, pillar box, well, ANY vertical pavement structure is now festooned with giant futureboard cable -tied hoardings flapping in the breeze. God only knows how many candidates are out there, but they all have an election number and a giant picture of themselves portraying whatever they or their party deems the correct image. For the politically aspiring managing director of Chiang Mai zoo it's a picture of him with a baby Lin Ping the panda (pride of Thailand and star of her own 24 hours cable tv reality show). For  city "entertainment" baron Chuvit it's a quasi humourous poster of him gritting his teeth (either at the disconnected driving wheel of some American vintage car or standing up) and pointing angrily, an expletive about the traffic or corruption issues about to come forth from his moustached lips. For other more unknowns, it's pictures of big haired ladies in somber business suits standing beside their mum          ( promoting family values presumably). Or of civil servants bedecked in vibrant white and gold brocade bemedalled and beribboned  civil service uniforms looking like they've been stolen off the Russian Navy circa 1914.

 

It's a motley collection of wannabes. But then it is every election time. There is even a party out to garner votes for a "none of the above" campaign. Just like in the comedy "Brewsters millions". I mean what is the point of an anti-politics party….the status quo?

The casual observer or visitor to the city might find this all quite interesting. Trucks with shouting supporters , flags and an outsized PA system beesting round the streets extolling the virtues of their particular candidate. But longer term ex pat residents look on stolidly and perhaps with a quiet sense of foreboding. It would appear this election, more than the previous 3 or so since I've lived here ,(not including the coup) is terribly important. The battle lines have been drawn, the trenches of ideology are deep and well fortified. This time there really isn't any room for people to back down and save face in a quiet and dignified Thai style or manner. It's not helping matters that ex PM Mr Taksin's sister has now been thrust into the election limelight and stands an extremely good chance of taking over the reins of power, albeit it with some sort of  coalition. You can bet your bottom dollar her first act would be to end her brother's exile so he could come back and, ahem, "help" run things. It's no accident her entourage  have thus far striven to keep her well away from any stages of political debate. The rumour is she really hasn't got a scoobie about anything, and apparently isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer if  y'know what I mean…

 

Of course in the event or her victory, it's unlikely the military would take this transition of political power lying down. The schism of ideology and the violence that highlighted a class war of sorts is barely a year old. The big boys with the gongs on their breasts are highly unlikely to forgive or forget how the red shirt mobs showed them up for the fractious, polarized,  and disunited force they've become. Like I said, the neutral observer, however badly informed, can't help but wonder how this is all going to pan out because it sure as Hell isn't going to go away. Personally I think PM Abesit has done a pretty damn good job considering the pressure and the circumstances he's been operating in these last couple of years. You really couldn't blame him if he just threw the towel in and said "sod it!"

 

This morning, going to work I was about 4 steps behind a particularly rank and stinky homeless man on the skytrain eacalator. I found myself wondering where he might be going and taking mental steps to ensure I got on a different carriage from him should he go on the BTS…

 

Bugger me if he hadn't got his begging down to an art form. He'd go to each concession on the concourse and silently pray to whatever spirit house/ mini shrinelet they had behind the counter there. He wouldn't say anything, just stand quietly in a supplicated pose, his prayered fingertips touching his forehead in the most devout of the various Waiys . Thing was, he was so rank and smelly the people queuing up for coffees, doughnuts, pastries and the like would start to quickly melt away. That dude made about 100 baht from 2 concessions in the time it took me to get through the ticket barrier. This was in the open air. I wondered how his profits might go up in enclosed spaces and does he, like my childhood dog used to, roll around in some Thai version of a dead seal to increase the speed of charity donation  reaction time and thereby profits…My dog only ever got a much loathed soapy bath for his labours. I'm guessing this guy might make a few bob.

 

I was, unusually for me, out 2 nights in a row this week. Firstly there was the annual fantasy football league dinner. Being the only person in the office who actually won anything (1000 baht for second place in the "champions league") of course I was going out. BOY did I have the most terrible hangover on Monday. Cider, beer, spirits…just such a mess. Just as well I only do this kind of thing very infrequently nowadays.

 

So when I got the call that the whole ex-band was going down to the jam night at Det 5 the following night , I felt slightly obliged to show up. I arrived there as requested at 9pm, well before everyone else of course,  and we didn't even go on till about 1130. I sat with my head in my hands quite a lot as a variety of talented and not so talented old boys got up and plugged in an acoustic. All power to these guys who make the effort to come down and play live . I'm not really sure if that is my kind of scene the jam thing though . We played 3 songs , and despite no other takers to come and play after us, Jon was up and out of the drum seat pretty damn fast. Can't blame him really, he's still banging his head off walls musically speaking in this town: his jazz band showed up at the British club last Saturday night only to discover the Ents co-ordinator had suddenly left their employ under a cloud , (sex scandal?) and all his bookings had consequently been cancelled , including the one for the British Embassy that night. Jon stood his ground bless him, not only did he get paid, but when they suggested he then go without actually playing, he and the band carted all their pre set up gear in the upstairs function suite down and out to the lawn and played to the regular members at the pool bar for a set or two. You got admire that sort of pride in your work. 99 % of musicians in this Burg would've taken the money and simply walked off. It's not wonder he was out of his seat so quickly on Monday night when he saw how rusty and disjointed we'd become as a band without his strict guidance and tutelage. Still it was nice to play again for a bit, even if I did have a few sound problems.

 

On the way to work this morning I noticed with some chagrin that Boots the chemists round the corner from the office simply no longer exisits. It's amazing in this town how quickly these things happen: no closing down sale, no whitewashed windows with hastily painted messages, not a dicky bird of a hint. Suddenly you walk past, all the display racks, doors, and  windows are out and the walls beaten out to a bare brick pock mark design with a  mash of plaster rubble on the floor to discourage any enterprising market stall holder from hastily moving in and capitalising on the empty space for a month or two.

 

It's obvious the rents down this particular road are now up and businesses are closing or relocating. Doubtless the landowner, Chulalongkorn University, has plans for this highly commercially valueable space. When the redshirts burned down the cinema and surrounding block of shops adjacent last year,they unwittingly let loose the tiger of redevelopment and recommercialisation for the whole area. It may take a few more years, but it looks to me like the days are numbered for the indoor market stalls, beauty shops, and struggling independent clothes boutiques of studenty Siam Square . With another commercial development currently being built not far away in Ploen Chit, I just don't know how many more mega-upscale luxury shopping malls Bangkok can actually sustain. There sure as Hell aren't that many locals who'll drop 50,000 baht for a Mont Blanc pen or 75,000 for a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes…..Are there?

 

Maybe it's me who doesn't really know how many carelessly mega rich people there are here..i just don't happen to know any. J

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Hi there, (09/06/11)

 

I find myself feeling a little sorry for all those ex-pat souls that have spent over a decade in this city and have grown from vibrant young men into grumpy old farts.

 

Hey, I'm middle aged and often quite a grumpy old fart myself, but I actually only came to this city at the tender age of 39 and 10 months. I, unlike others I know, never really had the same scope of opportunity to take on legendary benders of equally legendary hedonistic proportions. I never cruised the streets in the desperate wee hours looking for some  drunken assignation. I never felt compelled to do the endlessly pointless nightclubbing scene bopping next to a table of dazzling young beauties. I was, simply put, a bit too old and "past it" before I got here. I had enough,( just enough mind you) accrued life wisdom not to made huge mistakes that would haunt me for years to come. Of course I've walked up a cul de sac or few, but , perhaps owing to my age, I reckon I've been spared some of the more extreme situations that longer term residents of the city have endured at some point in their stay here.

 

For instance, apart from visiting a teacher in jail ,(a long story from 4 years back: Whatdya mean you didn't read it?) I've never had cause to see the inside of a police station. I've never lost any important documents, I've never been robbed, I've never done anything legally questionable that would compel the Busies to look at me more acutely.

 

I've also never been involved in a rumpus or a bar fight , though I have seen a few drunken "handbags at dawn" in my time here.

 

Do I feel that I've missed out on something?

 

ABSOLUTELY NOT! I'm often teased about heading home at 8 or 9pm after 2-3 hours of drinks . It appears to be some sort of terrible limp wristed weakness…I mean , I do go out late sometimes. I do get too drunk and rumble homewards in a badly upholstered taxi after midnight, but so not much these days.

 

Point is, more often than not, gratuitous drinking isn't really as much fun as it used to be. Same with Mary Jane quite suddenly around 6 years ago I found it made me so monged and sleepy I might as well have been taking handfuls of tranquilisers. The funny exuberant boy that used to like a puff with friends had somewhere, somehow turned into a rheumy eyed, drooling, pontificating witterer…not good believe me.

 

Age, it'll do that sort of thing to ya. Whilst you shouldn't by any means go softly into the night , you shouldn't also silently rage at how age has robbed you of all your Joie de Vivre.

 

Which is where I'm grateful that my memories of Bangkok are a mere 6 years old . I don't walk down streets and past bars and now vacant lots and desperately reminisce about how great it all used to be, of how great I used to be.

 

This, perhaps more than most, is a city for the young and youthful there isn't  any doubt about that. As in most societies, the old usually give over to the young and pass the "torch" on. Yet here, because of the constant social convergence of young and old (especially ex pat haunts) in huge tracts of the city, the old either a) Think they still have it ; the looks , the wit and the charm to be part of Team Youthful. (oh dear) .Or b) Scowl inwardly and harp on inexorably about how better things used to be , and what sort of a lame non-person they've become as a result.

 

Some even blame this transformation on the inherent constraints of having a wife or a 'her indoors" to answer to when their actions, motives, or intentions are questioned.

 

These same people would probably most likely crumble and fall apart at the merest hint their partner indoors would wish them the best with their chosen single swordsman lifestyle and pack her bags.

 

Fact is, the needs of the older man are not those of the young man. The event horizon of old age and possible decrepitude is a pre-dawn thin red line outlining the mountains in the middle distance. We know its coming, we know we aren't ready, we haven't really prepared for it, and we don't quite yet know what to do about it.  A fight or flight response mode, except this battle takes place in the virtual silence of our brain. Like the heavy footsteps of some stranger in the attic, the wee man in our head walks about after midnight opening and closing doors with a frighteningly accurate randomness. Conclusions are always sought with the new light of day, yet rarely reached. What was I just dreaming about? I think it was significant…

 

Ostriches, contrary to popular belief, do not bury their heads in the sand when things get scary. This is more in the preserve of the human condition; Our sand may not actually be visible, but we do have a strong predilection to look everywhere else except in the direction of the oncoming danger. These are the "benefits" of being the most intelligent species on the planet (as far as we know) and having the luxury of time to think about such things without getting eaten by any of the usual food chain superiors that plague our lesser co-habitants on the planet.

 

I choose to look fondly back at the manboy I used to be. I won't lament or curse the gods for the thinning of my hair, the thickening of my jowls, the lesser flame in the brown and mild eyes that watch me brush my teeth. We all possess a mental image of ourselves and as we get older the disparity between that and the person standing in the bathroom mirror grows ever larger.

 

I'm not the first man, nor will I be the last, to wish I had the power to turn back time. But if you really could would you? Go back and make an even bigger clusterfuck of it than you did first time round perhaps? My life, your life, our lives are all so remarkable and still continue to be so, even if we can't all do the things we used to. Yes I know we get stuck in ruts, suffer crises of confidence, wonder what all the point of it has been if we don't find ourselves exactly in the place we expected to be when our youthful selves looked forward in time. So what eh ? Seriously…

 

Noli Illigitimi Carborundum!

 

 And whilst we're at it

 

 Carpe Diem!

 

Those Romans sure could turn a phrase or two…. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there, (03/06/11)

 

Ice ice baby. That's what we see a lot of here. Huge plastic weave fertiliser sacks of ice piled haphazardly high on clapped out mini flatbed trucks with dark skinned and extremely muscular tatooed hard boys hefting the outrageously heavy bags around like they were filled with polystyrene chips.

 

It kinds harks back to the days before decent refrigeration. Hell back  even before my time there were men coming around with blocks of ice in big industrial pincers ready to pop it into your kitchen icebox for you to chip away at later. Indeed, a litre bag of ice cubes here costs a mere 14 pence, so there can't be much of a profit margin in it.  Probably why seems to be only mega rough types in the ice business.

 

Then of course there are also the colour gas delivery boys. Often seen in similar flatbed trucks, but more worrying , a sitting hunched figured on a scooter with three or four canisters stacked to the back with only a bungy strap thingy separating them from a fall and possible terrible consequence for the unfortunate traveling behind or walking on the pavement.

 

There was a horrible story recently of a scooter guy carrying carbuoys of acid on his scooter one of which somehow exploded  pretty much in the face of a woman walking just behind…

 

You often see funny calendars and pics of people who overstack their vehicles in innovative yet utterly perilous and ridiculous ways. Whilst these appear whimsical and often amusing to the tourist (even I had to laugh at the scooter guy recently carrying a kind of telegraph/flagpost on his scooter like a knight of old) the fact is, these dudes can more often than not barely remain upright when stationary at traffic lights and bump and scratch their way along waiting cars as they try to weave to the front. AND a wee rag attached to a long load doesn't generally cut it mate. Motobikes aren't supposed to have long loads eh..

 

Bottom line is that scooters are the lifeblood of any small business in Bangkok. With all the main traffic arteries so often choked and clogged up with teeming numbers of cars, it's no surprise the small business, thrifty minded entrepreneur will take his chances on a bike or bikes to do his/her bidding. Perhaps if the traffic cops didn't keep switching off the lights at certain intersections under the unbelievably misguided apprehension that they can do a better job than dedicated computers, then more people might swap to using more normal forms of freight delivery.

 

Either way, I tend to be wary when in the close proximity of a stupidly overloaded vehicle. Too often I have seen the evidence of some freight mishap strewn all over the road. I really don't want to be around when the rat tailed knotty string finally snaps…

 

Cherry and I are celebrating our official  2^nd year together on Monday. Actually it appears we're just like the Queen Elizabeth II..We have one official anniversary date ,yet we were dating for at least a couple of months prior to this. It seems this pre 'dating" phase doesn't count. So our lips first met in an official boyfriend/girlfriend capacity on June 6^th 2009 and that's apparently pretty much the end of it J…

 

So we're out for a much looked forward to return to a fancy hotel restaurant down at the river. I'll have to put on a jacket again a la dress code, but this time I'll dispense with a dress shirt and tie and go instead with some garish cartoon t-shirt underneath. This is what  middle aged wealthy Japanese  men do there apparently, at least if my last visit there was anything to go by (only kidding Cherry!!)

 

I went to see Hangover II last week. I'm in 2 minds as to how it represents Thailand. Despite the geographical inaccuracies, the Russian gangsters (who really wouldn't get much of a look in here), and the obligatory ladyboy gag, it did seem to catch a flavour of the sweaty , frenetic and bewildering life in the city. Cherry was a little irritated by it, definitely understandable . I felt that way when I first saw  Braveheart LOL! You just gotta take it with a pinch of salt. It seems some Thais were genuinely outraged by it. But then I suppose some films leave their mark on the psychy. I only recently discovered the Yul Bryner 50's musical "The ____and I" is still outlawed here.  I need to be careful how I phrase anything is this direction as particular  laws here pertaining to any or all royal inferences are extremely feudal and draconian in their scope. Only recently, a visiting US citizen got banged up in prison on a 10 year sentence for posting a linky on his website (three years ago!!)that leads to a PDF of a certain banned book on the subject. So I shall tread softly.

 

My thanks to regular readers Leigh and Chris who accompanied me on a long overdue  and drunken boys night out last week. Whoever suggested a crepe for dinner so as not to impinge on valuable drinking space was indeed inspired. I always know home time is on the cards when I swap from beer to Bacardis and coke and this was no exception. I think its fair to say that my day off on Tuesday (where I planned to garden then swim) was something of a write off!

 

Still there's always next week! ;)

 

 

 

Hi there, (26/5/11)

 

My blogging brother assures me that red font is both gothic in impression , and difficult to read.

 Yeah , well having a black based website does often bring up certain font  v's colour issues, so I'll go with a Dundee United style motif for a while.

 

So today I want a mini rant about how difficult it can be to get to grips with Thai. As I've already mentioned, Thai language does not have plurals or even tenses (!!!)… All tenses past ,present, and future are indicated mostly by the addition of certain words to imply their meaning  eg : I eat already.

 

Where I get right royally scuppered though, is the use of I and you. Certain I's and certain you's define certain relationships or are used in certain ways! In fact mostly you don't even have to say I, one can just start with the verb…"go eat"….OR you put yourself in the third person: Mike go eat!! GAWD sooo confusing! Here's a wee chart as an example:

 

   I                                         you

 

 Pom (industry standard male I)    Khun

 

 Chan ( female I) (and male I  used mostly in songs)   ………………….                Ter

 

Gu (very informal /impolite)         Meung (like saying "oi you fat bastard" to a mate)

 

Kao (I in relationship)                 toe-eng (you darling.)

 

Actually toe-eng used at the end of a sentence means 'myself"..as in I don't like frogs legs myself…confusing huh?

 

I've been experimenting using different I's in a safe environment (with Cherry and Thai staff). Cherry says I'm far to old to be referring to her as toe-eng.. too childish and teeny. She's also horrified that I would go so Lo-so (low society) as to utter the guttural "Gu' to anyone.

So whilst I'm not exactly excelling at furthering my limited use of Thai, I keep finding myself down mind locked alleys silently screaming "but why?"  I guess once you understand the clear implications of how you address someone in Thai you are both delineating and defining yourself to a certain society level. Well, er, actually all foreigner honkys are probably generally regarded in a category of their own, er, Farang category . This means that whilst badly pronounced or incorrect usage of Thai may be tolerated, lack of manners and respect will not.

Indeed, there is a whole strata of super hi-society Thai language that even natives can have some difficulty in understanding. Newscasters tend to talk in a language slightly below this. But there sure as hell isn't the concept of  " Queens English" as we xenophobically like to refer to the language of the old country…talking of which, I don't know whether to congratulate My brother Andy or not on being invited to the queens Garden party in Edinburgh this summer. Both my brothers have been invited now… I think it'll be a cold day in Hell before Her Majesty's Postmaster General franks a letter with an invite and pops it in the post to me…. J

 

I digress….

 

Then of course there is Bangkokian Thai which I've barely scratched the surface of… Cherry is forever telling me interesting little local idioms (which I should start noting on my iphone I guess) and then instantly qualifying them as local and unlikely to be understood by anyone from 'upcountry"…whew!...

 

So whilst I like to use idiomatic language and try and be a little more comfortable with it. You never know when you possibly might make a faux pas…Sticking to "industry standard" Thai wherever possible minimizes the risk..

 

On a similar note, if you're unlucky to be called  Mr Jim Dawson and you say it in a particular way with rising tones, a Thai will hear your name as:

 

 Mr Pussy Shortcock.

 

 My surname can sound like Tamarind "Macham" or "Maocam" (Mao being the word for drunk)

 

 So I guess things could be worse eh?

 

Just back from 2 days three nights working in Kanchanaburi yesterday . I'll say it again, it's always nice to get away from Bangkok for a couple of days, especially getting paid for it. It was as usual lovely to see the mountains over to Myanmar and watch the muddy Kwair river speed by at the bottom of our resort garden.

 

But goodness it was roasting  up there. I took a small room towel into the lecture hall with me and ducked behind the whiteboards to towel my hair dry every so often. Even with the air con units rattling away at full blast, one step out the door and you were hit with the jungle air so hot, humid and heavy you could have cut it with a knife.  I've never been up that neck of the woods at the height of summer. I can't even begin to imagine what conditions must've been like for all those poor souls of the death railway back in WWII. I think we all drank 5 litres of water a day!! The afternoon 2 hour  break at the pool was most welcome.

 

Looks like we'll have to wait till October for this particular organizations next budget for English teaching. We've now  done a cycle of 5  camps covering North, South, East, West and central thailand.  We were all heavily videoed this time whilst working there so perhaps some useful promo material will come out of it and garner interest for other companies looking for our camp skills..  We're damn good at what we do that's for sure.

So the clock ticks over and another new class awaits me Saturday afternoon.. A BIG class of 16-17 year old youths in fact, 17 of them!   I haven't taught this level yet, it's gonna be quite a challenge teaching them for sure. I recognize one or two of them from a class I did about 3-4 years ago. It's kinda weird seeing wee kids all grown up. In effect it really  highlights the fact you're getting older and the world is firmly in the preserve,  the "oyster" for young folk now.

 

 Khun Mike, you had your chance, you may not have made your mark, but at least hopefully you've etched your initials deep in some material indelible enough to withstand the test of time, and even possibly outlive you. But who knows?  A favourite author of mine once wrote:

 'The last thing you ever learn about yourself is your effect on other people."

 

I couldn't have put it better myself. J

 

 

Hi there, (20/5/11)

 

All of Bangkok was bursting with chatter last night and this morning as the Thai soap opera " Golden Orange Flower" reached its shuddering and tempestuous climax.

 

I must profess to never having watched it. Thai soap operas (apart from their usefulness in learning Thai idioms in a passive way) are tortuous both in their storylines and their hideous overacting. My colleagues with Thai wives are apparently not quite so lucky, (apart from the ones strictly observing a 2 TV household policy). One even mentioned that feigning interest in it and "avidly" watching ( & asking questions about it) for an hour with her positively had his dear wife aglow with joy…. Perhaps then a useful tool for garnering future " reward" (going on with the boys) points as he suggested. …Hmmm I wonder…

 

What set this one apart from the get go was the media frenzy surrounding it. The "Mary Whitehouse" department of the government had threatened to ban it: as the main character was a 'Mia-noy (little wife/concubine sort) , the action slightly racy pacy (proper snogging and everything) and with an underlying message being that women could use sex as a weapon to get what they want, it was felt to be conveying the wrong "message" to society as a whole.

 

Living in a city with 3 separate and well known red light districts ( just for foreigners) , and countless other openly marked brothels and coyote dancing bars for locals it's tough to swallow a bite from this particular hypocritical burger. In fact, come to think of it I've seen the signs of tart bars, brothels, and coyote dancing establishments in every part of the country I've visited, even the most rural. The message here is quite clear really; whilst you may not be able to get everything you want using sex as a weapon, you can certainly make a business, a job, a  living from it and its many many forms…And lots of people can and  do.

 

Censorship, state censorship is a funny old thing. I've talked before on how newspapers don't have a qualm about publishing graphic pictures of accident / war torn corpses on the front page, and yet TV/cable censorship is in comparison downright weird.

 

Firstly, boobies are out, completely out. Whilst a plunging cleavage is just about allowed, the moment the merest hint of a nipple appears, out come the pixellation boys. The same is true (more understandably) of cigarettes. These too are pixellated out. You can see movie images of a sniper shooting people from afar, but if the same man were to hold a pistol to a victims head..you guessed it.. pixellated out. So you can imagine what the scene of a bare chested woman , smoking, whilst a man puts a gun to her head might look like. Blurry. In such cases, the Mary Whitehouse ministry might just cut out 2-3 minutes of the film and save the pixel boys all that frame work.  Often doesn't exactly make the film easy to follow though ...I call this the "Eh what?" effect.  Further irony comes with scheduling. I've seen some pretty damn awful gruesome-strictly-18 type movies first thing in the morning on star channel. Same goes for trailers in movies: I can recall seeing a trailer for a Thai horror movie (baby putting hand in a blender) before a U cert animation film played!!!

 

The irony is, with downloading so prevelent, (especially in a country with lax laws surrounding illegal copying) anyone wanting to readily see unadulterated scenes from racy tv series and movies are able to do so. The 2 recent Spartacus TV series being a case in point . You really can't watch the network one here, it's pointless. Even the new Camelot suffers from terminal pixellitus.

 

So whilst I'm never going to go toe to toe with the Mary Whitehouse ministry on the topic of family values and censorship, I would urge them to perhaps consider waking up and, at very least go for a walk in the "garden". They might just be able to get the merest smell off the roses whilst doing so.

 

I had a lovely weekend off with Cherry. She spent a good part of the week before putting together a plan for one of our rare weekends off together.

 

And what fun it turned out to be! She drove us down to Samut Prakhan about 45 minutes from the city and we went to the "ancient city". Basically a huge area you can drive or cycle around with mock ups , recreations and interpretations of all of the most famous buildings, sites, temples, and monuments from across Thailand. It might sound cheesy, but I think after 40 years of continual growth and building it's turned into a pretty fabulous visitor experience. We had lunch in the " floating market" and after 4 and a half hours of driving about, and walking round things we still hadn't seen it all.

 

A sunset dinner gorging on a kilo of giant baked prawns with crab curry, shrimp cakes, sea snails and other such treats followed a late afternoon pier walk to see the migratory seagulls I spoke of last week. All in all, a lovely day.

 

I also talked the ticklish Cherry into an Ayuravedic massage the following day. Unlike the body contorting , bone/sinew snapping slam dunk of traditional massage, this is done by college trained physio/ayuravedic professionals after consultation AND they only use their thumbs. It was still a little sore and uncomfortable for me, but I made sure they went easy on my spine and saved the iron finger stabbing for my right leg. Poor lass she was just about doing handstands on her thumbs whilst working on me. I felt obliged to give her a decent  tip at the end. I yelped a few times and broke into a small sweat once or twice, but, on reflection, I think it helped my pains and cramps a little. Cherry seemed to quite like it, though she made the point you really should go regularly to get the best out of it. Getting all that ki racing through your body over newly opened nerve conduits can leave you feeling a little shaky and ill, especially if you've never had a massage in 30 years!!

 

Sunday night was spent at Cherry's folks house for a nice big dinner. Her dad pulled out the bottle of Highland Park I'd brought back for him and he, his son and I polished off half of it over the evening..Cool!

 

So it's off to Kanchanaburi ( of Bridge on the river Kwai fame) on Monday for another couple of days work out of town. Always nice to do this kind of thing . We'll even be able to get well prepped and perhaps get an afternoon swim in the resort pool before the work starts first thing on Tuesday morning.

 

That's if it doesn't rain…. J

 

 

 

 

        

Hi there, (13/5/11)

 

To celebrate our recent 10 year anniversary of the school, we had the monks in today.

 

Actually it was the Thai staff who wanted a formal blessing to bring us some must needed good luck. Nothing wrong with that really. They put the whole shebang together and all we farangs had to do was sit on a bench in a supplicant pose for the 20 or so minutes it takes for the 9 monks to chant through a whole chapter of Sanskrit (or whatever it is they might be chanting). It's quite soothing really, listening to monks chant. If it hadn't been so damn rough on my back sitting on that bench with my butt cheeks filling up the gaps in the slats I might've enjoyed it more.

 

When the time came to sidle up to the monks platform on the floor and offer them "gifts", (baskets of toothpaste, canned tuna, shampoo, pilchards and the like wrapped up in old school "Lucozade" orange plastic) half the management team were grimacing with cramp, wobbling, and tottering around on their knees, trying to stay still during the call and response phase of the blessing. This Buddhism-worship- on-the-floor thingy business, it's for young supple people. Not middle aged foreigners. Still it's only once in a blue moon .This is only my third or fourth in almost 6 years, a mere bagatelle compared to a colleague with a gung ho religious wife who tells me they attend upwards of 20 such ceremonies a year! Admittedly he seems to be able to floor sit "side saddle" Thai style more adroitly than any of the rest of us.

 

So it's ANOTHER holiday weekend this weekend. One of the drawbacks of life here is that almost all the public holidays tend to be compressed in the first 7 months. There's always a long phase round Autumn time when you're gagging for a weekend off!

 

Cherry and I have a nice weekend planned. She's put together an interesting wee itinerary for us out of town on Saturday, including a visit to possibly see the last few flocks of migratory seagulls…I didn't know seagulls migrate, but they do round these parts apparently. They're smaller and cuter, a far cry from the evil looking behemoths that lord it over Scottish coastal towns, ripping apart bin bags, crapping acid on cars,  and viciously beating each up over a casually thrown chip.

 

I'm also looking forward to my first massage in well over a year on Sunday. I'm staying away from the body slapping, bone popping, nerve digging original Thai massage, opting instead for a gentle hour of Ayuravedic therapy from a qualified physiotherapist. Who knows, maybe this will help with the ongoing nerve problems and cramps in my lower back and right leg. I'm certainly happy to give it a go. Cherry's giving it a go too!

 

I put the guitar I brought back form the UK back together this week. I was surprise how well it went.. I'm not exactly renowned for my skills at fixing inert objects with any amount of precision. Where guitars are concerned, precision is very much the name of the game. Piece by piece my guitar collection is being transported out east. 6 down, 6 to go (probably only 3 on reflection).  Yes I know I've only got 2 hands, and I know some of them will not get much of a playing as they are, to my ears, sonically lacking, but as objects d'artes,  (as I kinda consider them to be- design classics if you like) they make me happy just by their presence. There were a few things I'd have loved to bring back with me this time (including all my dads paintings I have in storage..he's really pretty good), but they'll just have to wait for another time. Guitar collecting is just a tad on the bulky side in these days of one bag per passenger and 26 pounds a kilo excess baggage surcharges!!! The good news is that there doesn't appear to be any kind of vintage and/or used market here of any interest to me, either online or in the 2^nd hand shops round town, so my GAS (Gear acquisition syndrome) is by default kept under some kind of control. J

 

There's a feeling in the air I can't quite put my finger on. Whether it's the usual holiday weekend rumblings of a potential red shirts massing, the latest news of the current ill health of the "Dude-in-the-Chair" , the local government elections fry up, or the escalating border hostilities with Cambodia I can't quite say. Whatever it may be, I'm sniffing a subtle change in the direction of the wind. A very important lady said to me just today that we all had to "bend with the wind" in these uncertain times. It's hard to disagree.

 

So , heads down under the parapet lads, don't sign anything in blood, and if a horned fellow in sunglasses with a circumspect smile offers you your wildest dreams for the price of a signature, Just say no!

 

That's what I always do…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there, (6/5/11)

 

This week I heard a about a second book a friend was writing. He's back in the states for a long sojourn, finally leaving Asia for the first time in 15 odd years. In it, he apparently mentions me as some starry eyed newbie who's still in a "honeymoon" period with life in Bangkok and Thailand!

 

Whilst this would probably be an accurate statement 2 and half years back, I'd say he's a bit off the mark nowadays. True he's been in China the last 2 years so I should probably cut him some slack. But you'd have to be some kind of moron to be blindly in love with a place like Bangkok after almost 6 years of life in the city. Seriously, sometimes it feels like living in some semi-lawless wild west frontier town.

 

Regular readers of my blog will probably notice I don't spend much time criticising the people and the culture here. More often than not I point out some weirdness or cultural differences from the UK. But aside from their utter lack of spacial awareness (search under  " Bangkok Shuffle"), I really have very little to complain about . So I'm far from misty eyed with love blindness. I do like it here: As a friend recently said "you make your bed you lie in it…" there are far worse beds in the world believe me J. 

Observers of world affairs will have noticed ongoing tensions between Thailand and Cambodia over a perceived border dispute at a UNESCO temple site. I'm not all together sure what is and isn't being reported out there, or what sort of priority it takes during Bin Laden fever , but it would seem there's some pretty nasty skirmishes going on. I sincerely hope this isn't going to escalate into more. Accusations and counter accusations fly: over shots fired first, mortar fire, even the use of chemical weapons, and of course the number of civilian casualties. What does appear certain is that, once again, refugee camps are springing up to care for the impoverished caught in the crossfire. I'd really hoped that somehow the members of the ASEAN alliance had moved on and learned the lessons from the last 30 years.

 

Seems the 4 new Skytrain stations due to open past On Nut station have also hit the bureaucratic skids. Latest is that they're actually independently owned and not fully part of the BTS system. As I write extra walkways and ticket barriers are being made at On Nut station that will force folk to change trains and buy an extra ticket if they want to travel to any of these 4 new stations. It beggars belief really, and probably kicks the long held dream of a single integrated one-ticket transport system well and truly into touch once and for all. I hate to suggest it, but somebody, somewhere, very high up is probably not getting paid his or her dues, and tens of thousands of citizens are going to end up paying for it in money, in time, in inconvenience….plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose…

 

The same goes for the stranglehold True has on 3g services in Thailand. For now, the iphone I just bought to replace my antiquated and delapidated Nokia will just have to run on Edge technology as once again, somebody somewhere is nurturing this monopoly. The irony is that from what I've heard from Cherry and her local living friends, True telephone connections are in general extremely poor and bad quality because they don't really have nearly as good an infrastructure as AIS. But hey, I didn't want to change my number anyway. I've had it for a number of years now. Surely to goodness the blessing of 3G will be bestowed to all networks, probably about the time 5G is commonplace worldwide.

 

It's hard to decide when to buy into technology, especially something as rapidly moving as mobile phones but it really was time to move up. I did my research and opted for the iphone. Yes I know iphone 5 will be announced in June for a November release ( properly available here from next Spring most likely). I couldn't really wait any longer, I was starting to miss calls for no apparent reason. Even if the forthcoming iphone5 is star trek see-through glass style as leaked pics seem to predict, I don't care. I don't fancy someone sitting opposite checking out what I'm doing on my phone anyways. Buying desirable hi-tech gear is always going to put you on a hiding to nothing. At least with updated calendars and schedules its now far easier to check up on developments on my work calendar and emails..so maybe, just maybe there is a wee bit of extra justification there…..

 It's a wonderful toy anyways….. J

Cherry and I had a lovely day off for the public holiday this week. A morning swim, a nice Lebanese lunch, a spot of shopping. We ended up watching a Thai horror film (Laddaland) with English subtitles in the  afternoon…blooming scary…first Thai film in ages I've watched with subtitles it really helps improve my listening skills, though maybe the next Thai film I go to will perhaps be one I don't have to close or cover my eyes on occasion… J

 

I noticed I didn't even mention the 3 day residential camp I was working on at the turn of the month. Maybe it's because they seem like routine even though we haven't had one since August. The 4 of us work really well together , almost seamlessly after all this time. It was nice to get to resort by the beach. On the second morning we set up whiteboards and chairs amongst the shady pine trees just at the beach's edge and taught looking out to sea with a lovely sea breeze coming in (and messing with the flipchart paper haha)..Times like that its hard not to feel a little privileged doing the job you do: teaching on a lovely tropical beach and getting paid for it!! I felt a little sad however being unable and too back frail to participate in the afternoon volleyball game with the students. But I watched them from the adjacent "infinity" swimming pool, and we did end up having a little game of water polo later on.. J

 

Jamie tore his hamstring again and James did his back in during the volleyball game anyways…

 

Us old guys gotta take it easy with the sporting pursuits nowadays. Injury, and the ensuing pain that so diligently attends are always but the width of a ba' hair away….

 Now aint' dat da truth? :) 

 

Hi There, (28/4/11),

 

I've been moving about so much lately I keep waking up in the middle of the night and try to work out where exactly I am. My mind registers the shape and proportions of my bedroom, yet it doesn't seem to tell me I am actually in my own bed at home…so I lie there in half sleep trying to work it out.

 

Since April 6^th I've slept in 10 different places, both whilst on holiday and with work commitments. It's no big surprise then that I'm feeling ever so slightly displaced….

 

A colleague recently told me he had unsuccessfully tried to cancel his long held dream of a holiday to the UK because suddenly he felt he was going to miss his chair, his dog, and his computer (in that order) too much. ..bit of a shame his wife didn't make the top three , but hey, I guess we all value and treasure things differently….

 

This is the sort of wayward and misguided rationale that seems to plague men in their mid 40's. Suddenly, no longer as vibrant as a few years back, they discover to their chagrin that they are indeed no longer able to party on through the night  drinking and carousing with abandon,  that they are yawning heavily in their armchairs by 10 pm and that short mid afternoon catnaps become both increasingly habitual and appealing.

 

This in itself is no great surprise. Biologically speaking by this point our bodies are in slow decay. New cells are no longer being produced and essential gusto giving endorphins appear in increasingly short supply.

 

What I don't get however is the sudden urge, the desperate need, some men have to start living vicariously through others better equipped with the  essential get up and go to make possibilities happen. They fixate and fantisise on the potential of moments, of happenstance, of hedonism and wild abandon, then suddenly, quite  inexplicably, tell ourselves "what's the point?" just  when the moment of affirmative action comes.

 

In Bangkok UK style pubs  you can often overhear the   conversations of groups of middle aged men waxing lyrical over the sordid and rose tinted adventures of their youthful selves, whilst the others lean forward open mouthed and listen in  with an avaricious glint of longing  in their eyes.

 

It can transform into a habit so quickly. Before you know it whole evenings are given over to anecdotes of some past history shared.

 Present day issues, news, topics are sacrificed in favour of the "Do you remember that time when….?" stories. One thing about being back in the UK was how much I missed decent conversations on a whole spectrum of present day problems, ideas and issues. It's fair to say that in this respect life in Thailand can often be very one dimensional. Fortunately I have a couple of good friends here who are both informed and erudite. I don't get together with them nearly enough.

 

Is that what life out here is then? A sense of shared history, Farangs adrift in a sea of mildly xenophobic adversity,  a bit part player in someone elses anecdotal scene: "Whatever happened to…..?".. I  hope not. I sure as Hell don't want to be caught up in this insidious world of vicarious living, nor to I want to be some sort of feeder providing some other poor soul his opium fix of past scandals.

 

Yes I'm probably being a little too hard today. Perhaps it's really not as bad as all that. I just get tired of listening to folk say their best days are well and truly over…. I've just had a major back operation, I've been in some sort of major pain every single fucking day for the past year. A whole year! I'm trying so hard to get better. I gotta believe my best years are still yet to come. I gotta believe I'll make a full recovery. Otherwise I'll be the one whispering "What's the point?" silently in my mind in the dead of night as I look at this suddenly familiarly strange room…

 

And that just wouldn't do now would it?

22/04/11

Just back from my travels to Blighty today. As promised there was a lack of blog over the last coupla weeks…please excuse the lack of Bangkok tales in this one..

 

Ah the UK…what can I say about my return home there after a 2 year absence..

 

Damn expensive. That's what initially springs to mind. I'd say it was at least 30 per cent more expensive than last time. Cherry might suggest it was all the sullen and unhappy people in various guises of customer services, or the fact that I suddenly appeared invisible when trying to get served in pubs and restaurants..

 

'where are all the staff?" she'd say.

 

I found myself suggesting that wages being as high as they were, many pubs just couldn't afford to employ anyone. 10 pounds a day is what someone might earn in a bar here, barely 2 hours pay in a bar in Glasgow I'd imagine.

 

Then of course there was the self service checkout at ASDA. I was more than little flummoxed and bamboozled by the set up. Certainly  it might appear cheaper to have one staff member keeping an eye out over a bank of self service scanners (and in my case) , authorizing the purchase of 4 cans of mcEwans export. Yet  I couldn't help wondering how often people might "accidentally" slip the odd item in their shopping bag without scanning and thereby not paying for it. Would there be another bag/receipt checker on busy days wanting a skeck in my bag as I exited the store I wondered.

 

Indeed , was it also a bit of a scam than once I put it my 20 quid, the notes and the change automatically appeared from this ungainly beeping  unit in 2 different places . The notes appeared barely visible (for a tall guy like me)from a slot underneath the scanner. Is this then in effect a few bob extra wages for the "pit boss". It reminded me how I used to see guys in Sauchiehall street methodically going through all the payphone boxes to see if any change had dropped into the returned slot. Maybe it's gauche of me to be using cash in the first place..

 

Another rant..Banks. Trying to change some cash from Baht to pounds proved, extremely challenging. Firstly there was the "greeter" in Glasgow's bank of Scotland who actively talked us out of even going to the cash desk. Then there was the sullen fat girl at another branch who silently stabbed her finger at a piece of paper when asked about the exchange rate. Then, there was the whole malarkey in Dundee where I was just about to go through with the transaction until they told me I had to actually have a bank account there so they could put the money directly in. Something about "money laundering". For gods sake.

 I ended up exchanging in Marks and Spencers AND the rate was 4 quid better!!! Needless to say Cherry was as bewildered by all of this as much as I.

 

It wasn't all bad though. We had GLORIOUS weather. For the third visit in 6 years I had almost 2 weeks of uninterrupted sun welcoming me back. In fact ,somewhere round the 9^th was the hottest April day on record.  Cherry was a little disappointed. She really wanted to get soaked and chilled to the bone. But she did enjoy a freak 30 second hailstone shower outside Glasgow's Bodyshop....and my bro Andy kindly drove her up Mount Keen in his landrover so she could roll around a 20 metre square patch representing the last snow of Spring. Another week and I'm sure she'd have missed it altogether. My folks were wonderful hosts and spoiled me rotten. It was a very emotional farewell this time round.

 

I must admit to be pretty tired and drained from the trip. In truth I tried to do too much. Walked far too much, traveled far too much, ate far too much, drank far too much, and generally knackered myself out in trying to get quality time in with family and  friends whilst proudly showing off my country to Cherry.

 

A massive thanks to all who helped out , who took the time out and made the effort to catch up with me as I whizzed around. I think next time will be a considerably more sedate affair. A huge thanks to my bro for hanging around and   taking that extra excess 10 kilo off my luggage at Edinburgh airport and thereby saving me a whopping 260 quid! Enjoy the shortbread bro!! Knew all that whisky was gonna be heavy ..(or was it the 2 dismantled guitars?) L

 

 As it was we both had a very nice time and I was very glad of the break from Bangkok and the fresh cool air in my lungs.

 

My back is feeling better and stronger for it too. It may also be all the potions and herbs my mum and bro put together for me. As of now I'll be abandoning the back brace as a permanent daily fixture. I'll keep one at work to wear whilst sitting, and one at home to help when the pain comes. It's a little early to tell, but maybe overdoing it has pushed me through a certain pain barrier…We'll see.

 

Got a bit of sad news from the drummer Jon on my return. He's had yet another music project thwarted and is thoroughly fed up with the whole thing. As a result, he's semi retiring from the whole Bangkok music scene and with that we'll probably see the final demise of Snatch. Though I'm sure we might be able to get him onstage for a final hooray once he finishes his course,  his bags are packed ,and he's off to classrooms elsewhere where live music thrives and is valued.

So it's technically new year in Thailand. The last drops of the Songkran festival waterfight have evaporated from the pavements, the last of the talc smeared cars have been washed, and now its time again to move forward.

 

Sounds OK to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi There, (1/4/11),

 

Aprils fools Day is alive and well in living in Thailand too. 'Cept here its waaay more gentle and genteel: like people saying they've got a new job when they haven't and the suchlike. Thais generally don't go in for elaborate practical jokes.  Probably because losing face in this culture is such a big deal. It is worth noting that Big Brother Thailand died an early death because everybody was just too nice to each other in the house.

 

Which is probably why I like it here.  Most people working in the service industry in general are happy with their jobs and   99 prcent of the time you needs are invariably met with a pleasant manner  and a  helpful smile. Especially if you speak as much Thai as possible when requesting stuff. I can't tell how much I am looking forward to standing at a bar in Glasgow waving a 20 quid note around for 10 minutes plus vainly trying to get the attention of some wanker barman who's far more into chatting with the young girls and  looking after his mates. It's amazing coming back to the UK and suddenly becoming so utterly and starkly so invisible again (starkly invisible?.. I like it.)

 

Then again there's also the joy of weaving your way through a throng from the bar trying to compress three or four full pint pots in the span of your hands whilst simitaneously clasping the corner of a bag of Golden Wonder Cheese and Onion daintly between your teeth. Ask for a tray? Never! everyone knows only poofs use 'em…LOL.

 Naw, real men are supposed to look tough and manly getting the "round" in. In truth many just end up looking like those aged and frail golden retrievers that waddle behind their elderly owners on the uphill walk back from the newsagents on a Sunday morning with the rolled plastic wrapped colour supplement wedged in their gasping grey gobs. Desperate to please.

 

Give me table service any day. I'd pay a tip. Oh no but wait, the good pubs don't have much seating anyway. You'll just have to play sardines and stand Mike!!

 

Mind you I'm not likely to be so "invisible" with Cherry in tow this time. No indeed. In fact I fully expect to get quite a few disconcerted stares as people desperately try to work out why the babe is hanging with the old duffer. He certain doesn't look very rich…Should be quite an amusing time. I wonder if she'll get hit on every time I go to the loo. ;) …Hell why I don't get her to stand at the bar and order the drinks . she'll be served in under 30 seconds flat. Hell, the barman will probably spin, throw and catch a few bottles behind his back for her benefit, even if she only orders beer.

 

I've recently tried a few of my more extreme Scots/Glasgow accents on her in preparation for surviving the big cities. She just frowns and reminds me she'd never have been my girlfriend if I spoke anything  like that. In the same breath She also firmly suggests I stop doing so , right away. Like right  now. That look in her eye is best heeded. J

 

So Monday night I'm off and away for a wee sojourn back in the old country. So don't be expecting a blog for a while. I'm not exactly excited yet. I mean it's always nice to get away, but it's hardly the most glamourous destination on the global map . Cherry begs to differ, last night she showed me her holiday shopping list (neatly typed out) the result of some months of careful and painstaking research. It's funny living on the other side of the world. Yes we have Gap and Body Shop here in BKK, but they are sooo damn expensive ,like designer prices. I mean who would pay 60-80 quid for an XL cotton checked shirt from Gap? Answer; Thais would.  Importing certain products into Thailand (legally or otherwise) is more often than not a licence to print money. I recently heard of a bank branch manageress who pays for all her international trips by simply buying designer handbags to order and selling them for a small profit when she gets home. Many of the more up scale boutique type shops' inventory in Siam Square is made up entirely of stuff imported by suitcase: simply lugged off various international flights and popped in the shop window the next day.  This grey market is also rife in the technology and camera sector. Thailand is so low on the supply pecking order for iphones and ipads and the tech- like , that the first ones to appear are almost all not meant for this country, imported in on the sneak and then  have to be unlocked and jailbroken before they can be properly used. It figures I guess.

 

Talking of phones: +66 860 379132 is my Thai number. I have an old UK sim I'll put in my spare phone and get credit for asap. So please sms me on the Thai one from Tuesday and I'll get back in touch on a UK number.

 

I'm planning to be bringing in a little more than my allowed quota of whisky. It's hard to get much of a choice here so having a wee supply of fine malts at home is always nice.  Currently Edradour, Bruichladdich, Caol Isla are topping my want list. I expect they'll be the only souvenirs I'll be buying for myself.

 

 Yet, Apparently I have to buy 2 Rangers t shirts (sigh)  , wine gums, a royal wedding mug (oh dear..don't ask) and probably some shortbread for the staff. I'd best get another set of Saltire coasters too as the one on my desk is almost warped beyond use.

 

I suppose I really should make a shopping list myself. I'm budgeting 1000 quid for the whole trip.

 

I get the feeling it won't be enough…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

Hi There, (24/3/11)

 

 It never fails to surprise me how we as human beings, whatever our constitution, are almost all invariably enslaved or subjugated in some way to our memories.

 

Sometimes these memories seem deliberately filed away in some dark room or recess in our minds to such as extent that they might appear effectively deleted. Yet out comes a certain smell, an image, a piece of music, a taste, a simple sound, some utterly random phenomenon, and we are violently and suddenly inexorably  pulled back through the dark tunnel of years to the brisk and blinding clarity of some place, person, or event from our past. More often than not, these scenes are such that we might wistfully purse our lips and languish in the fond memory of happier times..a beautiful day dream if you like. Other times a far darker wistfulness, one of sorrow, or perhaps even some great regret settles a dark cloud upon our hearts from which only the humdrum hours of the everyday  grind/reality will eventually conspire to free us of its encompassing, consuming, and vice like grip.

 In these few hours of personal contemplation and reflection, we slowly put the genie back in the bottle knowing full well this personal daemon wraith will always be around to pop the cork and spring out again at whatever unwanted and unbidden cue might prove to be the next catalyst.

 

You can stop the bottle, lock the lid, throw these memories to the most redundant vault in your mind, but hold their often accusing stare, and , above all, never trivialize, negate or ignore the impact of them on your life. They, after all, are the "zero sum" of all the choices: all the dainty paths,the game trails, the screaming highways, and the  infinitely busy intersections, at which we've chosen the direction to go through the courses of our lives.

 Memories, good and bad are essentially what makes you the person you are. We run and scurry in our human race to some uncertain future, only certain of all the choices we've made in the past. Good , indifferent and bad we must embrace them , live with them, and recognise them for what they are.

 

I saw a most strange concept yesterday quite near my house. There's the HUGE luxury car showroom and one half has been turned into a Thai-European fusion "Restaurlounge'. It has crisp white tablecloths , a grand piano and a big well stocked bar.  Seemingly you can look at cars and then walk straight into this pub area (no stairs or partitions) and go eat and drink. How odd. Do people really want to eat and drink amidst the smell of rubber, car wax, and plastic sheeting? Admittedly I haven't seen anyone in there at the times I go past (7.15pm from my corporate class on tues/thurs) who knows it might be banging busy on a Friday night….Thais have this very strange concept of prestige methinks.

 

My mornings are currently filled with the shrill and constant demands of kiddies on the inhouse summer school . They're really quite hyper. Quite different from the usual kids teaching I do at the weekends. This lot are, simply put, in full summer holiday mode. It's proving quite draining really. Definitely a young mans game. The good thing is that they seem to have gelled together well as a class and seem happy to be there. Whilst I have my reservations about just how much we might achieve in practical English learning within the realm in this cities of the world project I inherited and consequently designed a curriculum for. As long as they are laughing, entertained,  and happy that's really half the battle.

 

The countdown to going home is almost on. 10 more days and we'll be on a flight to blighty. I'm a little concerned about just how many folk I'll end up being able to see and have any meaningful amount of time with. Doubtless someone(s) is going to end up feeling slighted…but I'll just have to do my best. When you plan a big get together in the pub, its always amazing to see how people greet each other after long absences of not staying in touch. You think people will always remains friends and keep in touch. Its easy to forget or underestimate your original role as catalyst/social convener until you're no longer about. Of course there is also the fact that many have retired into the bosom of a nuclear family in the last 5 years and rarely venture out on "schoolnights" anymore anyway. I'm in Glasgow for 2 nights and 2 days.i'll just have to see what I can do.

 

Go inter celebrated 10 years of existence yesterday. I went out with my colleagues and enjoyed a tasty pizza with a bucket of cheap red wine to celebrate. I'm sure as hell I didn't use to get such nasty red wine acidy reflux like this when I was younger. I was at the fridge at 4 am drinking milk in a vain attempt to combat it…didn't work really. J

 

 

 

           

Hi There, (18/3/11)

 

The observant amongst you will noticed that I've done a wee overhaul here and there on the site. I thought I'd throw down a few pictures on the blog page (in no particular order) that might give folk who've never been out east some kind of overall impression of this neck of the woods. Yes of course there are a few of me thrown in, it is after all my personal website.

 

Playing with all these website widgety thingies and RSS feeds and the like I found myself putting on a countdown clock for fun. But when the time came to set it for some event I paused for thought. A birthday, an anniversary, it suddenly all seemed a little petty and facile.

 

I found my thoughts turning to what's been happening in the world lately. I like to think I'm a "glass half full" kind of a guy, but …… well, it's not just one thing really: This seething unrest amongst the Arab nations where unelected 'royal" minorities are conspiring and colluding across the whole region to brutally put out the Egypt fanned flames of true self determination and democracy. My thoughts turned to Pakistan where even local mourners at a funeral can't escape the furious zealotry of a bomb suited Taliban "martyr"..…I thought to Helmland in Afghanistan where jack booted foreigners order an air strike on a bunch of kids collecting firewood. I thought to the remote New Zealanders sifting through the rubble of Christchurch for their loved ones…

 

…And I thought of Japan. The terrible terrible devastation that has been wreaked by the combined forces of nature, and the awful consequences of a seemingly very real threat of a multi reactor meltdown on the people. I hope and pray they can get it resolved before it gets out of control.

 

In short, it's not a huge jump to start thinking about this much vaunted, so called, 'end of days" that bible bashers often refer to. It sure as Hell isn't global "business as usual" for anyone everywhere just now.

 

Which is why my countdown clock is marked "end of the Mayan calendar". December 21^st 2012 marks the end of what the  Mayans refer to as the "5^th age of Man". I'm not saying it heralds the apocalypse or the end of the world. But perhaps it does mark something very significant to humankind. When entire countries move 8 feet and the earth is actually moved a matter of centimeters off it's present axis its not a huge mental jump to find oneself having such pessimistic thoughts.

 

I'm working every day until the day of my departure. I'll be doing summer school with the kids inhouse. I've put together a curriculum all about travel and tourism around the world. I hope they'll get something from it and enjoy the lessons I've put together. I also hope they'll be able to use what I do with them in the morning in their afternoon sessions in with the computer department to produce some really good stuff at the end of the course. There's only so much you can really pre-prepare before you start. I think you've got to be ready adapt the course to the students interests and needs within a general framework as you go along. It's all good experience anyway.

Though I know I'll be shattered doing this, my evening corporate classes, my weekend teaching and an entirely newly allocated teacher team to get to know, motivate and manage. Busy busy.

 

I'm really looking forward to going back to the UK to see my family and friends. There is also a certain sense of trepidation about how things will have changed. You have to go away from a place in order to really mark the subtle societal changes that go on. So many of my friends are facing unemployment and redundancy at a time in their lives where solid secure future employment may be very very hard to find. The competition for good jobs in the UK must be immense nowadays. Many of my friends in the UK have in the past year have sporadically sent me sad, bleak, or outraged emails about: the state of the UK, the new governmental policies, and the ongoing erosion of communal societal values. For better or worse there are still clear and defined 'old fashioned" values here that maintain (mostly) a pleasant and civilized day to day interaction amongst the populace.

  

 I'm feeling a little dislocated from people and things just now. I'm certain its partially due to the long periods of drugs I've taken and achingly slow recovery to full health I'm making from the operation. One more month and I'm gonna try and get just a little more flexible once I know for sure I won't rupture pins or anything. Little things like even bending over to drop things accurately in the kitchen rubbish bin have transformed from a casual and unconscious action to a concentrated strain. If I should miss the target, the consequences invariably mean getting on the floor on my knees and (slightly painfully) retrieving any wayward items. Every time something should fall from my bedside table or roll under the bed I curse under my breath and mentally prepare for the retrieval pain. It'd be all to easy to let things lie where they are, or buy some sort of hooky grabby thing, but I'm not quite ready to admit I've become partially crippled just yet. I must stay patient. Cherry is very good at supporting me reminding me how far I've come. I'm continually  very grateful to her for all her efforts. Though I do wonder about when I will get my general happy go luckiness, positive state of mind, and optimism back. When I do, perhaps the countdown clock will also disappear J

 

 

 

Hi There, (11/3/11)

 

I think pretty much like most people I have what you might call an addictive personality. I can obsess over things till the point where I have to do something about it. Often this is for innocuous things like a small bar of chocolate or a big steak, or other foods of some form. I think as humans we are often compelled by our bodies to act on such cravings (makes dieting pretty hard in my case).

 

But what I don't get. What I've never got, is how people can get into drink so much. I'm not talking here about an occasional night out on the town and rolling home a few sheets to the wind in the wee hours. I'm talking the out-of-control all nighter benders. In short, getting arseholed drunk. ..I say arseholed because that's what people invariably become after an elongated booze session/sleep deprivation combo. People I know, one who I'd call a good friend (even though we're not currently on speaking terms) , become loud boorish, opinionated, aggressive, boring , utterly tiresome parody's of their true self.

 

You'd think waking up in a hungover haze with a vague recollection of some of the previous nights drunken indiscretions, might compel said individuals to drink a coffee, sober up, and perhaps pick up the telephone to make some noises of apology and reconciliation. Even though it is most likely viewed as  too little too late.

 

I can think of 2 people in particular here (both ex-pat farangs) that I am very very wary of spending any serious amount of time drinking with simply because I can't bear to be in the company of the Mr Hyde they become, especially when one of them becomes borderline violent.

Yeah yeah, the educated amongst you will tell me that alcoholism in all its many forms and degrees is a sickness (possibly even genetic) and not really their fault. My response is that its totally their fault if in sobriety they don't have the humbleness and self awareness to realize at very least they have a problem, Surely to God it's a sign when you have to go out drinking alone cos those folk that know you don't want to invite you out and have to listen to your posturing, self aggrandizing, megalomaniacal drivel.

 

It's getting hotter and hotter in the city and we reach the peak heat of April. Ever conscious of all things trendy, fashions around Siam Square have suddenly gotten most odd. Many women are wearing see through Helen-Of-Troy type dresses and Grecian skirts with overtly visible black underwear. Seems very racy/pacy for a normally staid culture like Thailand. Usually,   overly short minidresses and miniskirts are worn with shorts underneath as standard. Girls on escalators would normally surrupticiously swing their bags round to their rear when going up to avoid those behind peering up. Now, quite suddenly, they're exposing their grundies and bras to all and sundry who might  care to take a good gander. If this was just an isolated individual, it probably wouldn't make my blog, but it's really quite apparent round here this is what every wannabe "it" girl should be flouncing around in just now. I think I'll call it the "Glee GaGa " affect. It might be yet some time before we see actually home grown  trends come out of Thailand as the boa constrictor hoops of conformity pressure ooze through every level of society in any and every way here.

 

Cherry always likes to laugh and say I sound gay when I talk about things like fashion, or when I notice things on tv or in the street about someone that isn't at first glance readily apparent . I don't see it like that (I'm not gay for a start) I'm just an avid people watcher, always have been.

 

So It's only a few more weeks till I head back to the UK. I must say I'm a little daunted by the impending journey in my condition. I went back to the docs last Monday and got the follow up xrays . The pins are all still perfectly in place , but I'm going to be a lifelong sufferer of Antrolisthesis (my vertebrae are not aligned despite the pins and one is likely to always occasionally nip and compress the string of nerves nearest my tailbone. Even I as write this blog (bolt upright with a cushion at my back I can feel the hot throb of pain glow at that point and I keep having to stand up for a minute. This is also partially due to the fact I've decided to pretty much come off all the painkiller meds for a while. They'll do me in over the long run. I think they've also been responsible for the first outbreak of pimples I've had on my face since I was about 14. One more month and I'm going to stop wearing the lumbar support belt 24/7 too. Oh I'll strap it on in the office when I'm sitting and working during the week, but wearing it all the time under clothes in wearing and uncomfortable. Either way I'm 2 days free of meds now and whilst I do suffer quite a bit at the end of a long day, I seem to be coping mostly at work…

 

 Oh, and the doc said I also had small signs of the onset of osteoparosis so I'll be necking calcium for the rest of my life…

 

I'm probably going to be teaching the summer school course I've created in the   mornings mon-fri for two weeks from the 21^st. It'll be a nice little earner if it happens..Even probably just about pay half my expenses whilst I'm back in the Uk.

 

Those friends in Glasgow who read my blog might want to start penciling in mon/tues 11/12 of April as my days there. Cherry and I will be staying at the Marriott.

 

She is cock -a -hoop with excitement about the trip, though I'm not exactly sure whether it's the Scotland or the shopping she's most looking forward to.

 

Girls eh ? J

 

 

 

          

Hi There, (4/3/11)

 

So here we are suddenly into March. For those of you in Scotland , the endless grey days , dark mornings and pitch black nights must be getting just a bit wearing. The end of the tunnel is nigh folks. I'm not gloating, I've merely forgotten what it is truly like on a routinely ghastly winters morning in northern Europe. I wonder how well after these past 5 years in the sun I would adapt to it nowadays….

 

Been struggling with unexpected savage pain this past week. Indeed, since Wednesday when I was caught unawares with an agonizing onslaught whilst tying my shoelaces after our weekly managers meeting ( there's a rare piece of carpet in the meeting room, we take off our shoes to tread upon it. ). It seems that ever since then stretching too far forward whilst in a sitting position is blooming agony. Doesn't feel like a structural issue, more like a problem with the nerves from the base of my spine down my right leg. Either way when its so painful tears spring to your eyes and you cannae think straight, you think to yourself you'd better mosey on down to the doctors next week 2 weeks before the scheduled appointment. I am, after all, supposed to be flying to the UK in less than a month.

 

This of course has meant a return to the big drug guns in my medicine cabinet for proper pain management. They mask so much (and make you really monged out sleepy) it's not until you stop taking them for a short period of time that you realize how much you're being supported. Ideally I'd like to be taking a lot less, but practicality means that I wouldn't be up for much at all if I did, either work or play.

 

I've got a particularly heavy schedule coming up till I leave so I guess I'l have a few secreted round the office for emergencies. Least I'm still off the xanax. That would just about finish me off and dilute my personality to that slightly above a 1950's electroshock therapy patient.

 

We finished the year long charity outreach programme in Samut Prakhan today with a session of games and sweetie showers. It was nice to say goodbye to that. I think similar future projects will have much more of a "day camp" element as opposed to trying to make a difference with one school and a sporadic year long curriculum. We simply weren't there enough and the school didn't have the resources to consolidate on our teaching. We are quite limited by the number of teachers up for teaching for free and also to committing to any sort of regular charity programme has inherent scheduling and resource issues. At least working with Ban Chak petroleum PLC we had reliable transport, breaktime juice and a bun for our efforts every time !! I'll be looking for the next challenge as we speak. Sometime in May probably.

 

I'm also running and creating with our summer school "cities of the world inhouse camp" as well as participating in 2 residential corporate camps somewhere out of town a week after I get back from holiday..so it's really all go. I'm sure by the time I actually reach Scotland I'll just want to sit down for a couple of days and look at the river Tay from my folks living room window… I did however promise Cherry I'd take her for a long beach walk to go and see the seals sitting on the sandbars at Kinshaldy beach whilst we were there…and a promise is a promise. My last 2 April trips to Scotland have both been in an amazing 2 week period of almost uninterrupted sunshine, surely a third such trip is too much to expect!!

 

Off to my mate Leigh's tonight with Cherry for a wee barbequeue (he's got visitors from Oz) YAY!! Cherry's bringing the Cherry Chocolate cake from work for dessert too…sounds like a lovely night. Better go easy on the painkillers as I'll be having a wee swally. Shame I've got to be up for work at 630……

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi There, (23/2/11)

 

Shows you what I know. Cherry's friend Neuy got voted first out of the coffee master house in week 2. I guess it didn't help when she back-chatted the main judge on live TV after the Valentines day promotion.. Apparently she is more than happy to be out of it and already has some TV work offers in the bag….Guess that's what it takes to raise your profile!!

 

So this past weekend was a holiday weekend. Nice to be off for 5 days I must say. Cherry and I did a lot of swimming and messing around town, even met up with her family for an all you can eat sashimi extravagana. For those not in the know, the difference between sushi and sashimi is that the raw fish in sushi is bound with rice in some way. Sashimi is just raw fish. I must say I enjoyed the experience greatly..Raw Salmon and Red Snapper are very much to my taste. Strangely enough, raw tuna sashimi is just that little bit tooo strong on the fishy front for me.

It made me wonder where else in the world you could get an all you can eat deal of Sashimi for 6 quid a head. Living here does have its benefits…even if a bellyful of raw fish has you fishy burping like a seal for hours.

 

I was just out with the guys for lunch. On the table next to us were seated about 20 high school girls (2 for 1 pizza deal AND the last day of school)…ALL OF THEM BAR ONE OF THEM WAS ON THE PHONE TEXTING. Beggars belief. Since when did the person you're not with seem more important than the person you're actually with in person. Has the virtual world actually become more interesting than real time and space conversations? This led to an interesting discussion as to what conversational diversionary protocols were acceptable and where. Personally if anybody I was with automatically chose to grab complimentary fashion magazines or begin texting instead of talking to me during a meal I'd take great offence. Of course there are others who actively welcome and encourage such tactics as possibly a) they have nothing to say, nothing they want to say, and aren't interested in couply small talk , or b) they are then  themselves freed up to pull electronic gizmos and gadgetry out of their pockets and bags and manically WILF (What Was I Looking Fo?) and internet meander their way through a mealtime.

Is the world really changing so quickly? When I was a kid ,eating dinner with the TV was an extra special treat. The idea of pulling out a phone and having a long extended conversation (text or otherwise) at the expense of a silent partner sitting opposite me totally abhors and upsets my sensibilities.

We talked of teaching future English courses in texting speech ( as in C u la8tr) but soon realized that none of us were even close to being fluent in that language, and why contribute to the bastardization and dumbing down of a language any further than the Americans already have anyways?

I know I know, its utter folly and snobbery to insist on maintaining a standard of English English when currently only 20% of the worldwide conversations that take place in English are conducted by 2 native speakers. The language evolves and adapts and old duffers like me will just have to get on board. Whilst I may not be able to keep up , I must endeavour to not hinder this development: clunge ; a collective noun for sexually available women a la Inbetweeners UK TV show being a particular new favourite word.

 

But what I won't accept is for social manners to degrade in a similar manner. I recently told an old friend (very politely and gently) who had just that day returned to Bangkok after a 2 year absence, that I couldn't speak on the phone as I was out on a romantic meal with my girlfriend. I told him I'd call back the next day and when I did he in turn said he was busy in a lecture. I tried a further couple of texts and calls to follow up but it seems he took the hump with my polite apology to speak that night and has stricken me from his social agenda …oh well

 

I took Cherry down to the visa section of UK immigration to set about getting her visa. Aside from having to prep an abnormally huge amount of paperwork, (honestly I'm surprised Her Majesty's government didn't ask what brand of breakfast cereal we preferred) I must say I was glad she had the wherewithal to pre-book an interview slot online. The place was an utter ZOO. It seems the UK is very much on the desired list for people to go/visit/study/sponge/ etc. If Bangkok is a reflection of UK embassy sanctioned visa offices worldwide, its no wonder HM Government had to go an independent contractor in just to process the applications.

Having money, a masters degree, a good job and a passport with used visas for Japan and the USA puts Cherry in far far better stead than many hapless couples I saw in there. How a middle aged builders merchant from Bradford is gonna get his penniless bar tart shotgun bride from Taffy's Hairy Pie Bar (yes there really is a bar called that) back to blightly is frankly,  beyond me….but I'm sure it won't be for the lack of trying…a word of advice mate, be prepared for a very long wait, an even longer interview, and start coaching her in basic coherent English now…

 

So bizarrely the Britstock lineup email came out from Simon at the British club and Snatch weren't on it as we had been led to believe. I hardly recognized any of the listed bands. Neither did Jon and he's steeping in the music scene here. Looks suspiciously like a bunch of "knocked together for the occasion" international school teachers bands with a couple of ghastly solo entertainers (Lee shamrock…oh Puhlease!) thrown in. "Clusterfuck" is the expression that springs irresistibly to mind…

 

Yey silver linings abound. Kirk will now be free to play in the week long ice hockey tournament and his other band "The Pylons", (ice hockey speak for a useless player who can't skate or play, put on the ice just to get in the way) will be playing the final night party (sat 19^th) at the penalty spot (the unofficial tourney pub) and he's asked us to join in.

 Playing to an international bunch of boozed up , loud, beer swilling hockey players is likely to be far more fun in the long run. Though admittedly I might just have to get a few friends down so Cherry has some company. It wouldn't do to break my lovely guitar over some pissed up and overly amourous lunks head ;)

 

Ah the trials of dating a pretty girl! I may as well get some practice in before I take her to Glasgow haha !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi There, (10/2/11)

 

Every now and again, the seemingly most innocuous of events set off a racing clacking domino chain in your head . You find yourself fervently evaluating and re-evaluating all manner of things in your life, putting value and worth on things that should never really be considered in such terms…The possible catalyst?... More than one person I know has lately had cause to return to their home country and bury their loved ones. What an awful harrowing thing to undergo. Yes it's the cycle of life, but it doesn't make things any easier knowing this…The clock ticks inexorably on and one must accept the reality of the situation and move with ones own particular lemming herd to that inevitable future cliffs edge. Religions, and various modified and adopted pseudo spiritualities are usually the paths chosen by those not wishing to face this fact.

 

 However, this my friend, way off road from the route to enlightenment ,is more often than not, the dainty primrose path to an ultimately supreme state of general malcontentedness that I've seen thrive and grow in so many others. But hey, I'm a glass half full kinda guy aint I?

 

Still, even so of late  I have noticed a dark brooding shadow at the periphery of my vision, a strangers expression in the bathroom mirror, a "noisy neighbour" clattering round the innermost recesses of my mind in the wee hours, disturbing my sleep and keeping me from the sanctuary of deep mental rest.. What on Earth is to be done? I find suddenly I miss my friends in blighty and my family. I need to visit the UK soon, its been perhaps just a little too long this time in this splendid isolation on the other side of the world.

 

Regular readers out there would most  likely attribute this creeping malaise as a slowly staggering stage to recovery from my back operation, and I'd be the first to agree there is more than a fair dollop of that in the mix. I still carry far more pain than I should put up with. Indeed I should be necking more meds and pain killers than I do, but I hate to…. Domestic and professional demands seem to be currently sucking away what little energy, patience and joie de vivre I usually have.

The good ship Malcolm whilst not exactly storm tossed , is indeed riding on turbulent seas with wicked crosswinds and more than my fair share of rip tides pulling at my creaking timbers.

 

Anyway , nuff of that seafaring allegory. Perhaps I shouldn't write in this fragile frame of mind. But then again a blog is supposed to reflect my frame of mind at the time of writing innit?

 

Perhaps I just need to get away from the city for a little while. I've been round this metropolis treadmill without an out of town holiday a little longer than I usually like. BKK is like that, it can get to you!! I know this I've gotten a bit mentally worked up about the broken BTS skytrain escalator at Ari station over the last 3 days…perhaps more than I normally would haha..but then again it's a shedload of steps for someone still re-learning to walk whilst carrying a guitar and a rucksack!!

 

Yep the band is back rehearsing. Unfortunately I'm not finding it the cathartic and diverting pleasure it usually is. This is partially as I seem to be having a little crisis in confidence since I assumed the seemingly permanent mantle of the only guitarist in the band…I'm really not quite good enough. The singer keeps on missing cues/ making little mistakes in songs we've been practicing forever  and this in turn is making me tense and uneasy, especially in live situations cos it makes you look like a right tube, like you're the one fucking up!. Suddenly you can't relax and  focus on performance rather than form when one eye is constantly looking at the singer to make sure he isn't about to carelessly launch into the verse too early, or arbitrarily skip a chorus.  As Jon the drummer recently put it: playing nervously like that makes us look like a bunch of hapless old duffers ineptly going through the songs of our teen years rather than stridently perfoming vibrant and perfect punky pop songs. …I know I know, I need to take a chill pill on this one. Problem is, once you know just how well you can play together it's not pleasant to experience anything less than that. God knows I'm not a muso, nor do I have the ego of one, but mediocre performance is mediocre performance…

 

Still, we have a few more weeks of rehearsals before the next big gig. Hopefully some of the new songs we're trying out will rid us of some of that complacency or whatever it is that stopping us for doing the job properly.

 

There is a little light on the horizon however, next weekend is a holiday YAY! Whilst I won't be heading out of town to the beach with the masses this year (gotta save for my UK trip), I do intend to do some chilling out about the house, swim in the pool, and perhaps start my gift shopping for the trip home in April.

 

A very close friend of Cherry's, Neuy (who I briefly met once when I was playing a gig) is currently starring on True Channel 60 reality show "Coffee master". 1^st runner up to Ms Thailand 7 years ago, and currently studying for her PHD, the hapless lass is now sharing an apartment with 11 others boys and girls and doing 2 shifts a day in the "black" team in a purpose built coffee franchise on the edge of town. Winner gets a million baht and the franchise.

 

The first eviction was last night. She's still in! The black team the popularly called "academics" are the unpopular ones. They allegedly "cheated" their way out of the first eviction (winning team had to have more customers over the whole week….they gave free drinks and food to the largest group that arrived during their shift). Whilst I do genuinely LOATHE these kind of programmes, it is quite good to practice my listening skills when its on in the background. She seems like a very intelligent, nice, demure, conservative girl from a very well to do family ( on hearing she was single I tried to set her up with my mate Oz mate Chris ,but she brought an escort that night to the British club gig). Why on earth she's chosen to participate in this populist, manipulative media frenzy is, franky, beyond me. Whilst I don't think she'll be evicted anytime soon, she may lack the charismatic edge that voters go for. Early days though. Best of luck Neuy…customer service? Rather you than me lass…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi There, (4/2/11)

 

This week I finally got the call from my friendly neighbourhood luthier to tell me after 3 months of waiting my guitar was finally fixed.

 

I zoomed on straight down to his workshop the next morning. I was frankly , amazed at how low tech and olde worlde it was. He had 3 young apprentices hunched over benches with assorted tools and chisels you'd normally see in a folk museum. Ah, the life of a master luthier, the smell of sawdust in the air, precious hardwoods and veneers stacked neatly away in alcoves. He showed me some of his works in progress. He usually builds smaller bodied fingerstyle guitars retailing from 1200 to 2000 pounds, as well as classical guitars. I knew he'd been the right choice to fix my guitar..

 

I was surprised to find he'd had to completely rebuild my broken Tama. Not only did he replace the broken back with some quality mahogany, he also had to make a new neck from scratch, faithfully replicating the old one to incredibly precise proportions. He even carved in the beautiful volute on the back of the headstock which is indicative on only the highest quality guitars. Add to that the inlay I ordered from Vietnam (a beautifully detailed mother of pearl duck on the headstock and snowflake motifs down the fretboard and bridge. It is a real stunner and a unique guitar. To all intents and purposes it has been custom made for me and there isn't another like it anywhere in the world. Picking it up in the workshop and admiring the quality of workmanship (yes he even faithfully rebound the soundbox all together with wood strips like the original) I was in  a little in trepidation as to whether the final total of 700 pounds was justified. (400 to buy, 300 to repair ). I needn't have worried, it is a stunning sounding guitar. There is an enormous difference in tone, playability and projection in comparison to my current vintage knockabout Dreadnaught. This guitar oozes class…like playing a Steinway grand piano after you've been regularly playing a jumble sale upright…  I'll never want  for , or covet for another Dreadnaught in my life. As Christmas/birthday presents from me to me go it's pretty extravagant, but easily worth what I paid for, besides I'd kept my my wee Christmas bonus and the money I got from the Suphanburi camp to pay for her.

 

I think he was a bit glad to see the back of the project.  He said it had been a really tough job for him. Though he did mention that it was only the second Tama he'd worked on and that they were very good guitars indeed. There is no substitute for solid woods in building acoustic guitars no matter what people say about veneer, and the fact is that  affordable, all hardwood construction is almost a thing of the past in these strained natural resources days….happy Bunny YAY!

 

This week has seen the start of Chinese New Year. And a big welcome to all you Rabbits out there, new and old!! With 1/3 of Thais having direct familial links to China, it's no surprise there was a hub-bub of activity round the streets as each of the 3 days duties/obligations were fulfilled. I also find it especially odd seeing people buring fake money and stuff like airline tickets !! (Marked "Heaven Airways") to honour and assist their ancestors1 then of course there are the ubiquitous lucky little red envelopes stuffed with money that fly about in familial circles. I've NO idea how much money is de riguer, or whether it's a symbolic 10 baht like when you give someone a new wallet or purse in UK culture. These folk being Chinese however, I suspect the envelopes to mostly contain a goodly sum; I'm sure some even count on the extra income as a yearly bonus!! Cherry told me a dancing lion bounced around and pestered her at her desk yesterday , until the main outlet manager came up and stuffed a red envelope in its gob haha! Fortunately we don't have anything like that round these parts. I'm sure any dancing lions bouncing around to the bang of drums would be gently but firmly shown the lift back down!! New Year, Bah humbug.

 

Apparently the BIG food item of your typical Chinese New Year menu  is boiled chicken….Can't say that's a favourite really. Still the pigeons, rats, cats, and dogs hanging around house , condo, and soi spirit houses are gonna get a serious feed over the next few days as full 3 course meals are set out for the ancestral spirits/ ghosts to nibble on. It's great how vermin and cared for and nurtured here…

 

On that note of Thais and animal care here's something else a big ironic: My poor colleague was getting more and more distraught about how his 10 year old black lab was getting increasingly infirm due to a painful and debilitating spinal problem. The poor dug can barely stand and surgery is both silly expensive and not advised according to the specialist they saw. So, through a veil of tears, two days ago he sent the dog off with his wife to get it put down. 3 hours later she returns with the dog, a bag of special vitamins/food supplements and the best wishes of the clinic that the dog makes a speedy recovery. Being a Buddhist country where all life is sacred (yes even cockroaches and mosquitoes) there are certain vets who would rather see an animal alive and in pain/discomfort than readily  potentially find themselves on of the many Thai Buddhist levels of hell for not respecting life.

 

This is not the first time I've heard stories of people returning from the vet with terminally sick animals in great pain and distress…..perhaps there's a market gap here for a farang vet , a "cleaner" if you will, (to use hit man vernacular) going around disposing of dogs, cats, rabbits , whatever, in the comfort of your own home and then qualmlessly chucking the departed in a nearby incinerator.

 

Hmm, perhaps I'm guilty of sounding a bit callous. Maybe I'm just trying to suggest that pet care isn't about chucking a cold bowl of rice down in the street outside your house and calling the dog that happens to eat it most regularly your pet!! I hear rabies is set to make a global comeback as the virus mutates.

 

Spoke too soon last week. Thought I could comfortably sit through a lovely Norwegian dinner at Cherry's house last Friday minus my support belt brace. ..bad idea, I'm not as strong and robust as I thought. I ended up in awful pain for the next 3 days. Only now slowly getting back to generally pain free existance . Note to self…don't rush the recovery and don't delude yourself you better than you are.

 

Big Happy birthday to my 50 (yes 50) year old Bro last monday and my mum next Wednesday! Mwah x

 

 

 

 

Hi There, (28/1/11)

 

A big thank-you to all of you that sent me birthday greeting via email and facebook . It's always nice to get a load of wee messages like that.

 

I'm sorry my blog is a week overdue, fact is I've been CRAZY busy with all sorts of work. Two major charity projects I was co-ordinating fell in the space of the same week.Plus the gig we played, AND  On top of that I also did a two day English camp for 48 new graduates from Ragamangala university 2 hours  up country in Suphanburi on my days off. It was fun but quite tough, especially as I walked too near a wasps nest setting up the camps opening activity outside the hall and got stung twice from the wee bastards:(hand and head) I had visions of starting the camp with some kind of elephant man swollen features marring my dashing looks, but the resort staff were quick to run red onion juice (yes you read correctly) into the stings and apply liberal dollop of ointmenty balm. Needless to say the wasps nest was made short shrift of by two burly locals with an aerosol can and a  step ladder! Just a wee bit late lads…..

 

I have to admit I'm getting a little tired this week, 10 days straight with no day off. My back has held up really( surprisingly) well during the long hours of teaching the camp and I'm generally getting the impression I'm reaching the next "plateau" of recovery. There are still the odd bad days, but I'm not being plagued with constant pain at night anymore and I'm generally keeping up with my physio and my meds. I'm looking forward to stop wearing my back brace belt soon. Under clothes it's quite bulky and uncomfortable. I'd like to be able to wear it over the top when I'm sitting at work and pull it off it I'm going to teach or pop outside for lunch…another few weeks I hope.

 

I've posted up some footage of our , ahem, slightly questionable performance at the British club International teachers night gig. You can e go to www.youtube.com  and search under Fretwire1 if you wanna see them. It was lucky there was free flow beer all night. The audience was so pissed they'd have cheered pinky and perky playing up there!! J Still we've got the gig at Britstock in March, though (and quite rightly) Jon reserves the right to take his Jam band there instead if we're not playing up to par. He, unlike the rest of us, has a muso reputation to consider, and our singer unilaterally choosing when to start singing  kinda throws everyone off (see gig footage) LOL!

 

I'm not usually given to copying and pasting others work, but I read something about Thai people, especially women recently that is sooo pertinent and accurate I'd like to post it here for your consideration:

 

The family unit is close in Thailand, insomuch that members of a family not only live together, they often do everything together.  In rural areas, multiple generations may sleep together in the same room, work the farm together, go to the temple together and do almost everything together.  In wealthy and urban families, family members do many things together as a family, through the kids' teen years, into their 20s and perhaps even beyond.  Sunday is family day and restaurants across Bangkok and all over the country fill up with Thai family groups spending much of the day together.  Family members may not leave the family home until they get married, often staying at home well into their late 20s or even their 30s.  And for those who don't get married, and don't have to travel far for work or study, they may never leave!  As such, they are seldom away from others for anything more than a short period of time.

Thais have a group mentality.  They live in groups, eat together in groups, may sleep together in groups and certainly socialise in groups, be it with family members, colleagues, university friends or other social groups.  Solo activities are the exception, not the norm. The concept of loneliness is different for Thais and foreigners.  Whereas a foreigner can be around a lot of people and still feel lonely - their emotional needs aren't being met - for Thais simply being around people who welcome them and accept them is usually enough to overcome any feeling of loneliness.  While the Thais' emotional needs may be less, they can become lonely very easily.

For Thais, loneliness is the opposite of sanuk (the pursuit of fun in everything you do), which they seek in most everything they do.

For guys abroad who have a Thai girlfriend back in the Kingdom of smiles, leaving her to live alone for long periods is a recipe for failure.  You can shower her with money and material goods and call her everyday but if she is living alone she will become lonely quickly.  This partly explains why some women involved with a guy who treats them like a princess may still shack up with someone else, or see someone on the sly.  It might not be that she doesn't love her man, rather that the feeling of being alone, and the loneliness that brings, is even stronger.  To many Thais, loneliness is unbearable!

This guy isn't kidding. It takes very very little to set your average Thai into a downward spiral of self imposed lonliness and isolation. I find it such an odd thing. We westerners are effectively conditioned to have a far greater sense of independence and are practically trained to be comfortable being alone in our own skin so to speak. Is this because of a far looser family bond, the fact most of us went away to work/study when we reached that certain age? Or perhaps just that we value individual achievement and personal growth over a herd dependency mentality. Either way, it is a not a thing to forget or be cavalier about should you find yourself in a relationship with a Thai person.

Talking of which, my sweet gf Cherry took me out to a wonderful (and expensive) Italian restaurant for my birthday and I was well wined and dined. Zanotti well deserves its reputation for being the best in Bangkok. It was kinda strange to note Cherry was about the only thai in there. It seems very popular with tour groups, Japanese, Chinese and the like..must be in all the guide books.

Or another note the word "Loog too-a" can mean both "tour group" or " peanut" depending how it is tonally said. I now find myself calling obvious groups of tourists in the street, peanuts. J

I'm still anxiously waiting for my joint Xmas/birthday present from me to me to return from the Lutheirs! He's had the Tama acoustic guitar for over 3 months now. I have been getting emailed pics of the inlay work he's done which looks stunning! The latest is that's he's not quite satisfied with the final finish on the guitar and wants to do it/buff it some more. Hey I'm not about to hassle the guy at the last hurdle. I'm fully expecting it to look and sound absolutely stunning when its done. Waiting, waiting….

 

 

 

Hi there, (14/1/11)

 

Every now and again when I'm out walking in soi Ari I see a particular yellowish dog lying flat out in the middle of the street. Traffic obliges by slowing and moving round it. Motorcyclists make fanciful sweeping curves round it, whilst the pooch remains blissfully and utterly indifferent. I look at it when passing to see if it is even breathing, but this beastie has got the "dead dog" thing down so well that its shallow breathing cannot even be ascertained from a metre away. I have found out consequently that this particular individual is looked after by the merry band of motorcycle taxi drivers in soi Ari.

 

It's brother and sister of course are a few hundred metres up the street lying flat out on the two steps leading into the only 7-11 convenience store for about 400 square metres..yet every customer conspires to step gingerly between their paws and tippy toe away so as not to disturb them.

 

Enough say I!! Seriously ! Pandering to the whim of soi dogs is probably responsible for literally dozens of accidents in the city on a daily basis. I'm not saying mistreat them or kick them, rather make it abundantly clear that lying directly in the path of the general public is not acceptable. Thais profess to have a great love for dogs. Some might even profess to owning them as pets…truth is 80% of these so called pets never see the inside of a house of compound. Many are often fed outside the owners gate. I often hear stories of irked, sleep deprived  and " bark shocked" neighbours occasionally going round and putting down poison willy nilly (a colleague had a dead cat in his yard the other day) but the collateral damage often appears huge. Unchecked, certain sois can almost become no go areas at night with packs of dogs squaring up to any and all strangers. I have yet to be properly bitten by one, but I know it will eventually happen. At least I'm not likely to stumble over one whilst walking AND reading a book simultaneously, ending up with rabies jabs in hospital like an ex- colleague of mine!

 

The last couple of weeks have been pretty full on. I've been covering for sick teachers, starting corporate classes again and trying to get all my school admin in order for the months end. On top of that all my outreach project stuff is coming to head with the school I went to this morning and with a big one  day English camp for 150 13 y.o. kids next Tuesday. Poor Cherry has had an awful dose of what seems food poisoning as well. She has been in considerable pain with it too. It's not nice seeing your partner suffering like that…awwww! L

 AND my band has been in the studio twice over the last week as we're playing tonight at the British Club for their monthly international school teachers night. Paul still can't really hold a guitar with his hands so badly swollen so I'll have to try and do both parts as best I can….this could prove quite tricky. We've had to adapt our setlist to reflect this but it's still quite hard to find enough songs we know that only need one guitar and still cover a 2 hour period, especially punk/new wave songs….they don't tend to last longer. I hope we can make a good enough account of ourselves to be invited back to play "Britstock" in March.

Gonna be shattered come Sunday evening….

 

 

 

 

Hi there, (7/1/11)

 

And a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR to one and all! I hope that it brings health , wealth and happiness to one and all.

 

I know I wasn't up to scratch getting round and wishing everybody Christmas greetings and the like. We don't really do Christmas cards round these parts… I hope you all enjoyed a lovely Christmas period with your families.

 

I always miss my family the most around Christmas time. The older you get, the more you realize that there is no substitute for a warm and loving family. Being so far away and cut off from that regular feed one might perhaps tend towards rose tinted spectacles on this subject, but the fact, is I've got a top family, ain't no doubt.

 

Talking of which I had the opportunity to visit some more of Cherry's extended family in Bang Pong. As I've mentioned before her mother comes from the Mon tribe (famed in Thailand for the beauty of their women)..Not to be confused with the Hmong from the north BTW. Essentially it's an ancient tribe originally from generally somewhere northwest of South East Asia. They have their own language and their own alphabet. But, like most other ethnic cultures within Thailand it's slowly dying out. The Mon 'Kingdom" from it's height in 1645 has slowly been assimilated into mainstream Thai culture over the past 100 years. Young folk, are as expected clearly not interested in it. Cherry's uncle is the last man in the village who still knows certain Mon rites and rituals, and as traditionally only men learnt to write in the temple, the alphabet/ script is also on its last legs. It's no longer taught anywhere apparently. Whilst there, I also visited the temple and attached museum. For Thailand it is a top notch museum full of interesting artifacts and images depicting the Mon way of life.  It was a lovely way to spend New Years Day. I spent the afternoon playing cards ( a VERY unusual type of Pontoon) with Cherry's family and came away about a fiver up. But it was all in good fun.

 

Christmas at Leigh's house was excellent. A full turkey dinner with all the trimmings. I couldn't move afterwards. Leigh tells me he's still working his way through the leftovers 5 days later LOL. The Secret Santa "steal" game also proved to be a bit of a hit. Think I may have started a bit of a tradition here…

 

New Years Eve was also a bit of a giggle. I went out for a Tapas dinner with Cherry and then went to my mate Lee's house to see in the, eh, Fireworks! There was even enough of us to engage in a verse of Auld Lang Syne…that's been a while!! J

 

Unfortunately, as I blogged previously it didn't work out with the gigs we got lined up over NY eve as the bassist had something on. I thought that was the end of the band then and there as the drummer was even more pissed off and disappointed than I was. But our imminent execution by way of falling on a sword appears  stayed for the time being . Despite the fact that our regular "always welcome" gig at Nomads bar has now disappeared as the bar owner has given up trying to work with his "sleeping partner" and packed it in altogether (one hopes he's gonna open a bar elsewhere), we were nevertheless invited to play the British club of the 14^th of January. Seems they have a monthly International school teachers day and they wanted a decent  band and apparently know about us. A quick check round all the band members and it seems we can do it. So it's off to the studio for three hours on Friday night to find out just how much we've forgotten. We'll probably need a couple of rehearsals to get it right. I'm keen to do so as I really want to get the "Britstock" gig in March. Apart from it being a decent crowd to play for, it pays quite well, AND we're running out of options as to where we might play without traipsing around and scrambling to get a gig. Jon understandably has totally had it with putting in graft to make things happen. I sympathise with him I really do. When he finally does go, the music scene in Bangkok will be significantly the poorer. Though I doubt that many people might notice cos they're so used to accepting boring, generic, uninspired, mediocre crap in this town LOL!

So the Sword of Damicles once more hangs on a rotting string above our collective heads. My greatest hope it that I can get someone (Cherry if I'm allowed to get her on the guest list) to video some more of our songs for posterity as I really don't know where we'll be after this. I hope Small Pauls hands are better by then, we have quite a different sound when it is just me on guitar and there are a number of songs we can't do so well or at all because of the requirement for a wee solo break that he usually does. If we try to leave the solos out he invariably rushes into the next set of lyrics and screws the whole song structure up haha!

 

I've got my hands seriously mega full with various admin/ work commitments in the coming 3 weeks. I fully expect to be a bit frazzled by the end of the month. I hope my back continues to cooperate.

 

Oh, and Cherry and I are confirmed booked to return to the UK from 5^th-20^th April. …I hope to see as many of you as possible then….

 

 

Hi there, (17/12/10)

 

In all likelihood this'll be my last blog this side of New year folks, so a very MERRY CHRISTMAS to one and all. I hope that 2011 brings you all the things you wish for yourselves. Me? I'll be happy with wishing for a bog standard normal year in 2011 with no major health crises and a general lack of chronic pain….that'd be all I need..honest!

 

I'm more than a little disappointed and pissed off the bassist of the band has chosen not to play the two New Years Eve back-to-back gigs Jon got lined up for us , in favour of staying at his beach house in Pattaya over Xmas and New Year and having a house party his wife has arranged in his absence. We'd been trying for *****ing AGES to get a gig at the British Club (our perfect demographic..40 somethings with loadsa money and most likely into our late 70's early 80's Punk/new wave music) and by him not choosing to do this with us means we've potentially lost 3 lucrative gigs in early 2011 there, (including Britstock) AND we'll be 10,000 Baht each for NY's eve down (though the money is really not a factor) AND our drummer is a fanny hair away from quitting the band completely given the bassists utterly lackadaisical and selfish attitude. Jon's really had it this time, and I really can't blame him. He doesn't deserve this, not after all the arranging and networking he has done. Chances like this come by once in a while and you've got to be "on" and instantly grab them. Cherry was soo great about it when I asked her. Her only request was that I give her a kiss at the bells no matter what…Awww!

 What a way for Snatch to finally end. It's sooo unfair Dammit! The more I think about it, the angrier with Kirk I get. We've worked round his International travel/business schedule so much and done everything to accommodate his insertion into the band after Tall Paul quit… Is it really so ****ing difficult to have 4 guys to commit to playing, rehearsing, and play gigs once every month? Finally when they do get a significant break, one of them blows the opportunity cos he's afraid of messing up his missus plans. He's really really let us down big time and I don't think we'll recover as a band over this ..What the Hell is it with bassists anyway?

 

My dad is trying to use his airmiles before they get scrubbed  to buy me a ticket home in 2011. It seems pretty damn difficult to cash these miles in. Not surprising really..I mean, who in this day and age freely gives away flights..unless you're stupid enough to do a promotion like Hoover…..Remember that fiasco?

Anyway, the poor old stick will have his work cut out on the Star alliance helpline trying to get me on a Lufthansa flight through to Edinburgh. I normally fly emirates (they're quite cheap, and service is great) but they're not part of that Star alliance scheme. I get 6000 airmiles from them each time I travel home to Scotland. Unfortunately I need 75,000 to get a free return flight!! My measley 12,025 miles will be invalid in 2013. So unless I do a shedload of traveling back and forth very soon I'll have lost the lot!

 

Yes I will be coming back in April. And yes I will be bringing the gorgeous Cherry with me. The dates are currently 4-20 of April with a very limited time planned in Glasgow and Edinburgh. I'm still not sure about our itinery. Of course I'll be showing Cherry as much of my beautiful homeland as possible. I'm really not sure how many of you I'll be able to get round to visiting so I suggest you let me know your April plans asap so I can try my best to fit you in. I'm not sure how bad my back will be so it's also feasible my days of crashing out on sofas are also over…

 

I really don't have very much planned over the festive season. This Sunday and Monday see the last of my arranged party plans, apart from Christmas day. I'd have loved to get away to the beach for a couple of days, but I really need to think about economising a bit in preparation for the UK trip. I'm certain it's gonna be very very expensive!! Cherry is having to work right through the period anyway and it's really not so much fun at da beach on your own… ;(

 

I read with some amusement what the online Guardian newspaper said about the son of a certain prominent individual in Thailand last week as part of the ongoing wikileaks drama. I was very surprised to see you could still access the site 24 hours later. Has this slipped through the net I wonder.  Probably not, though we might not see international copies of the paper in newsagents anytime soon haha!

 

A friend of mine expressed his worry over his house being watched this week. Seems his careless flatmate decided to date a psycho "Bunnyboiler " who , after having accessed the names and numbers of various women on his phone, called them all up to see just how many times she was being "two- timed". Oh Dear!!! Hugely disaffected by the transpiring information, she paid a local motorcycle taxi guy at the end of the road 1000 Baht to spy on the house comings and goings on her behalf. The spy apparently did a sterling job! Now my friend is also getting direct phone calls from said bunnyboiler asking for confirmation of all the comings and goings that confirm her deepest suspicions. Not fun really, his getting innocently drawn into this. If the old adage 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is a watchword for caution in the UK, there really should be a stronger expression once you bring Thai women into a similar situation. This is probably why there are 13 different levels of Hell in Thai Buddhism J

 

That's the worst thing about paranoia, they really are all out to get you. This is also not the first time the house has been watched!!! By the sounds of things I wouldn't be surprised if this guy gets a doing from a bunch of persons unknown outside a pub some night. Needless to say his other current paramours aren't exactly happy about his lack of exclusive dating either. His phone is burning!! My friend remains totally unimpressed with the proceedings . In his shoes I'd consider moving!!! I'd be worried about a case of mistaken identity! Most likely the "persons unknown" I just theorized about aren't likely to be the sharpest knives in the drawer. Know what I mean?

 

I've started reading the weekly blog of perhaps the most successful Bangkok blogger. This aussie guy makes for quite interesting reading if you're into stories of sleaze and doublecross. Though he has recently made a good point about life here when he says "choose your friends carefully" .

 

However, I'd say his freewheeling about town days are possibly numbered. A "weel kent face" around the streets of BKK these last dozen years or so., he's recently got into checking out bargirls on behalf of their farang betrothed who's out of country.

 

Basically they pay him 8000 baht a time to go to the beer bar where they, ahem, "waitress" and try and pick the girl up for a short time, the idea being if her heart is true she'll say " no I can't go with you I have a fiancée" …HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I almost pissed myself laughing at the desperate levels of delusion some men will go to.

 

The flipside and serious side comes of course once these women have worked out who's messing with their gravy train, (and they will, in such matters they're very sharp) some form of violent retribution is bound to follow….See "13 levels of Hell" above…

 

Makes me value what I have with my girlfriend all the more: altogether now: Awwwwwww … :)

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'all. x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi There (10/12/10),

 

I've been plagued with all manner of issues affecting getting my blog posted up on time lately. Sorry for that. This partially explains the very odd highlighted colour of my last post!

 

So whilst all you poor souls in the UK have been scurrying and slipping and a sliding around on sheets of ice I've been out buying a big fluffy new duvet and a replacement aircon unit for my bedroom. I'm not exactly delighted at the 400 quid outlay for an air con that perhaps my landlady should've provided for free, but then again I'll be allowed to uninstall it and take it with me should I move, and I fully expect at least 25% off my leccy bill. So I guess that's something. The current one is just too noisy and unpredictable in stopping and starting I'm certain it wakes me up every other night in a sense of deep unease that something is amiss in the flat, a most unpleasant and unsettling feeling…time for it to go. I'm suffering enough without constant broken sleep borne out of some sort of sonically induced paranoia. The big fluffy duvet was just something I wanted to get me and Cherry as a wee Christmas extra, especially as I'll be having houseguests next week (2 Danish cousins) and they'll need the smaller one for themselves!

 

 Last Monday's Dim Sum all you can eat thank you lunch bonanza was indeed a feast for the Ngarmsittichoke family. A very torpid and sleepy afternoon back at the homestead ensued. As usual my wine glass was never allowed to remain empty J. Talking of wine, Cherry called up an old connection in the wine wholesale trade and got 2 cases delivered to her folks home, one of which has my name on it. Wine is horribly expensive in Thailand , and the cheapest stuff (5 quid plus) is usually barely drinkable. The case we've got is under 5 quid a bottle and is often used as the house wine at the Peninsula hotel , so it's gotta be good! That'll sort out my alcohol needs for the festive season, especially as there are at least 2 parties in the offing!

 

I was at Siam Paragon shopping mall yesterday and was unfortunate enough to stumble upon my first ever little girls beauty pageant in the middle of the concourse on the 3^rd floor. The sight of 5-10 year old "Santarinas" dressed in a spectrum of kinda cute through to downright slutty Christmas costumes was, frankly, a  little bit disturbing. I don't mean to be a prude or anything, but little girls in full  showgirl/pop star makeup, fake eyelashes, red miniskirts and fishnet tights parading puff chested around on stage was just a bit worrying. I was pleased it wasn't just my western sensibilities coming to the fore, Cherry also mused at what sort of parents would promote their kids in such a way. I guess this is the darkest side of kids growing up waaay to fast in this information age…one of my colleagues was furious to find his 10 year old daughter had a sketch in her schoolbag depicting her in bed with a male classmate, her underwear discarded below in a heap...what can you do eh?

 

We're just coming into the nicest time of year for those not of a hot country. The temperatures are coming down to a pleasant mid 20's centigrade at night and peaking perhaps to a touch over 30 during the day. Swimming pools are actually cold to swim in. I remarked to Cherry the other day that the pool we were swimming in was about as warm as the warmest scottish loch in the height of summer you were ever likely to encounter… it was that "cold " ! She immediately asked about what is was like swimming in the sea..the North Sea….I laughed…. I'm not too sure I'll ever be likely to do it again!!! Perhaps I'll take her paddling in April.

 

So One more weekend and it's the Christmas holidays. Can't come a moment too soon this year . I know I've had 6 weeks sick leave, but all that has meant is it has compressed my tasks into a smaller time frame. I've been suffering a lot with my back, especially at night once I've rested up for a little while lying down and then trying to get up for something. I think I might be at some sort of critical phase where the muscles are trying to reattach themselves to my frame  and the biometals . Often the merest movement in a certain way sets off weird spasms and considerable pain. Tears even sprang to my eyes again last night…Been a while since that happened. I'll be glad when I can have a semblance of true normality and pain free existence back in my life. I'm seeing the doctor on Tuesday so hopefully he can reassure me out of my slightly gloomy state of mind. I need to know this is part of the process and not evidence of a problem. I hate being so incapacitated I really do.

 

I've been feeling a little out of touch with a wealth of people lately. It's the time of year I guess. Part of me wants to write some kind of general email to all, part of me abhors the impersonal nature of such an epistle. I'd like to wish everyone out there who reads my blog a wonderful and peaceful Christmas. Doubtless the facebookers amongst you might get an additional comment too. To those I may overlook, please don't take it personally. I will try my best to get round and see you all when I'm in the UK (hopefully) in April.

 

Peace out.

 

Mike 

 

 

Hi there,  (03/12/10)

 

 I've posted this blog up 3 times and it keeps disappearing...3 time is the charm huh!

I really should have mentioned it.Last week I was quite remiss in that I completely forgot to mention the Loykrathong festival. Considering it was the first time in 5 years I had ventured out properly to celebrate and float my Krathong in the most romantic of circumstances

 

Basically couples and family's float candle bedecked garlands on the river (or pond in my case) to worship the river gods and ask for health, wealth, happiness, and love for the following year. It's by far the sweetest and most "genuine" of all the Thai festivals I reckon. It's also perhaps the only time I had a chance to properly mingle with my local community in Ari. The government offices and park at the end of my soi (where the tennis courts are) were full of food stands, bouncy castles, drunken grandads singing through strategically placed karaoke machines, local beauty's in full Thai dress onstage vying for the honour of being Ms whatever for the night, and the whole night sky coloured dusky grey by swirling clouds of incence smoke coming off the Krathongs in the big pond. Cherry and I had a lovely hour walking round munching stall food, drinking cold beer (me) and floating our wee Krathong in a quiet spot. I loved the simple unpretenciousness of the whole thing.  I also enjoyed the more pagan, non- aligned Buddhist element to it. Especially as they served alcohol which they don't over Buddhist holidays!  River Gods rock! . Hope I've got appropriate amounts divine blessing and countenance to ensure 2011 will be a year filled with love, health, wealth, and happiness.

 

 Apropos health: I'm still pushing my back too much. Walking too much, walking too fast. It is leaving me in such a degree of discomfort almost every night, especially getting up once I've lain down to rest up. It's a little upsetting staggering and stumbling around the apartment, waking up in pain when I roll over at night, sleep deprivation and all that sort of bullshit. I find I get easily disheartened, but Cherry is always the voice of reason telling me not to expect so much so quickly and to be mindful of my predicament and take things easy. It's good advice, I'm trying I really am.

 

Not so gutted about missing the 5 a side football now. Two colleagues are crocked: One is now wearing a lumbar support belt like me, the other has ligament damage in his left knee, thwarting his 3 times a week visits to the gym. Perhaps one is justified at 46/47 years old in thinking one is too old for such frenetic contact sports. I still think in 6 months I'll be able to play doubles tennis in a gentle and easy fashion and keep enjoying a bit of the sporting life. I hope I can convince some of them to play. There is always ping pong I suppose J

 

The band has been invited to play at Nomads bar over the festive period. Always nice to be asked… The rumour mill suggests that the place ain't gonna exist as is for much longer. There are still some of the old school Bangkok bands like the soi dogs blues band limping around town commanding unrealistic performance prices and bringing in the fewest number of paying customers. The death knell to any self styled music bar. ..

 

It's getting us all together that often proves problematic. Kirk is back from his business trip on the 15^th, so hopefully we can fit a pre Christmas rehearsal in before we go down and play. I think I can stand and play for 2 hours or so haha, but Paul is currently hinting at being unwell on fb, and Kirk isn't exactly fighting fit either just now. We should rename outrselves 'the Crocks" (and no, that is not short for crock of shit!)

 

So it's the kings birthday weekend coming up. School is out and we've got time to have a weekend to ourselves. Time to hit the swimming pool,  and have some quality day  time with Cherry whilst  picking up a few bits and pieces from a shopping foray. I'm on the hunt for a quality duvet! On Monday  I'm taking Cherry's whole family out to the Great Wall restaurant in the Asia hotel and to one of these "all you can eat" dim sum to say thanks for all their help these past couple of months. Better not have breakfast that day!

 

With over 70 types of dim sum on the menu and with a clear memory of our last legendary visit, I fully predict our long  lunchtime ending with us,   a barely moving raggedy torpid bunch,  shuffling sleepily towards assorted cars, and drawn to the irresistible lure of an afternoon doze in front of the telly.

 

Maybe it's me getting old, but that sounds pretty enticing! :)

 

 

 

Hi there, (26/11/10)

 

Said the star crossed lover to his girlfriend far away in Thailand recently: "Don't come back to the UK in February like we planned, it's shit!"

 

Seems like this is a notion currently shared by many who've been back to blighty recently. I am myself concerned at what's going on in the public sector. The violent student reaction to the education cuts has been played out widely on TV , and I've recently heard of a friend who will be made redundant after 8 years service. The severance package ? One week for every year worked, barely 2 months wages! In times of economic crisis, expensive research specialists are very much surplus to requirements. Does this make this person on the job scrapheap at the age of 41?  I wouldn't want to be in that position:  in cold heartless Britain, fighting to keep up mortgage payments whilst competing with an endless number of desperate people half my age willing to work for a comparative pittance! Not that I very much good at interview in the past anways. My sympathies indeed . I was wondering if the pound is going to go into freefall quite soon. The austerity measures in Ireland are very scary to the neutral and I can't help but think the UK government is trying to soften the blows by a gradual set of progressively extreme budgetary cutbacks. This is the shiny end of a long shitty stick! Oh, and by the way, good luck in trying to force the long term unemployed into work..I wouldn't want to be working at the DSS counter in Govan just now like my friend Fiona.

 

Not that my job is by any means secure here. But I'll just stick around in the sunshine and keep going thanks! I'm getting more and more involved in driving our Outreach charity programme forward. It's a fine balance: balancing the needs of the poor schools, the needs of the teaching staff, and the potential political constraints and pitfalls that lie out there to the unsuspecting individual. I was out doing a reccy at a school in Bang Na yesterday. They want us to do a day camp for 114 12-13 year olds. I'll be needing a teaching team of 12 plus 6 ancilliary helpers, transport, refreshments etc AND I'll be making up  the full teaching programme and associated materials to be repeated 5 times over as the groups circulate round. There are quite a lot of logistics involved even before I see about some help from a corporate sponsor. It'll be a learning curve that's for sure. Still if it raises our profile, makes big business community programmes happy, helps the kids, and perhaps incidentally generates a new revenue stream for the school it can't be bad eh? Hope I don't fuck it up! J

 

This past week has been a time for finally getting out and having a few brews with friends I haven't seen of nigh on 2 months. I had a most enjoyable time too though it is a bit of an extra strain on my back.

 

To be honest I perhaps should have taken the extra week sick leave I was certified for. It's been quite a strain coming back to work. I'm in low grade pain quite a lot of the time, and when I get home and finally lie down to rest my back I really can't get up and move for about 2 hours. Even stumbling for a pee has me clutching onto even weight bearing surface from the bedroom to the bathroom. I'm thinking about maybe getting a walking stick. If I'm still struggling in a couple of weeks I'll talk to the surgeon about it. I know I'm expecting too much too soon in terms of recovery, but its really hard not to feel weak and disabled in the working environment. I'm trying not to talk or moan or complain about it to my colleagues, there's nothing they can do anyways. They've already covered for me for 6 weeks. Fact is, unless you've lived through an ongoing period of constant chronic pain it's very hard to relate to how it affects everything. But I'm trying to be as tough about it as I can. Not always easy though.  They're starting up Sunday afternoon 5 a side football again and I can't help feeling pretty gutted to be left out,  my teamsports days are over.

 

I'm hoping all this is just weak muscles regrowing and re-attaching themselves to the biometal in my back. I'm keeping up the daily physio programme and just need to remind myself that the road to full recovery is a series of climbs and plateaus rather than a steady upward curve. Wonder if I'll feel stronger after my Saturday afternoon class tomorrow compared to last week.

 

Cherry's buying a brand new sleek black (with natty black leather interior!) Mazda 2 sedan this week. At least I'm lucky enough to be ferried around town by my sweet gf in style and comfort.

 

True dat! J

 

 

Hi there, (19/11/10)

 

I was getting slightly antsy about writing my blog from my bedroom for the umpteenth time with little or nothing to say but harping on about my condition. So I decided to delay it by a week so at least I could get back to work and see how the land lies.

 

I must say despite the instant stress, and the inevitable usual hassles that  ensued it IS good to be back at work. I'm hirpling around the corridors slowly trying to make more economical use of the time on my feet, but I'm certain I'm putting in waay more metres daily than I necessarily should be. I get home absolutely knackered and have to lie down for at least a couple of hours before even attempting to stand again. This is the point where you can really feel the withered and cut muscles in your back no longer willing to respond. On one hand you obviously miss a lot of what is going on after a six week absence, on the other, the problems facing us at Go Inter are the same ones they ever were. How we've now decided to go about responding to them is a different matter.

 

I'll be heading back to my school Sam Yan and my team of teachers on Saturday. Fortunately , I still have a class to teach. I'm sad about losing one, but then I really don't know how much I'd be able to cope with at the present time and I'd certainly rather not teach from my chair like some old lazy bugger with bad ankles and gout I know haha! I hope my L9 class of hairy ,and frankly waay tooo big 12 year olds is gonna cut me a little slack. They're a good bunch, but they need a lot of fun and a firm skill set of classroom management to keep them on task.

 

It's Loykrathong the festival of light on Sunday night. This is perhaps the sweetest of all Thai festivals, certainly the most romantic. Couples everywhere rush to rivers, canals, or ponds if needs must to float their candle and coin offerings to the river gods for their blessing in life , love, and happiness for the following year. The skies are filled with those paper flame lanterns and a truly loving and optimistic attitude fills the air, despite the unwholly stramash at the riverside as everybody is trying to float their krathong at the same time, fearful that an unsoundly built one will immeditaly capsize, or that the love flame will blow out in some karmically significant way. Whilst all the while young street urchins, doubtless at the behest of their poor parents, are constantly diving into the muddy waters of the Chao Praya to nab the coins off the Krathongs as soon as they enter the public domain.

 

I'll be heading off with my lovely girlfriend Cherry to a pond in the park nearby to pop my Loykrathong "cherry" (so to speak LOL) and celebrate this festival in the proper spirit for the first time. I'm really looking forward to it, I think it's a very sweet notion, and far far more romantic and personal than the card industry forced Valentines day bollocks that is foisted upon us innocents every year. That said, I have heard that every year the bar girls down at Nana plaza den of iniquity inflate a huge paddling pool in the middle of the complex and get their "Joes" to float exorbitantly priced (for the sex tourist market I suppose) Krathongs in the spirit of love..yeah right!!! J

 

Some of the guys are heading off to a rare event tonight. The charlatans are playing in a small venue in Bangkok. Whilst they are way past the zenith of their fame , named UK bands are such a rarity here I'm sure they will be playing to a packed venue. If my back was up for it I'm sure I'd have joined in. As it stands I really don't need any reminding of just how slowly and carefully I have to take things just now. The titanium pins won't actually fully graft and fix into the spinal bone for another 20 weeks or so , I really don't want to do anything stupid that might pop them out! Yuk!

 

Still I am at least able to kickstart my social life again and am looking forward to catching up with quite a few folk…anyone for a brew? ;)

 

 

 

         

Hi There (05/11/10),

 

Winter, for want of a better word, appears to have come early to Thailand. Temperatures have "plummeted" to a pleasant 25 degrees or so , and there is a constant cooling mistral/zephyr wind accompanying most days.

 

Thai folks have picked up on it and on the tops of shopping malls and adjacent to public piazzas there is the slow appearance of the yearly beer gardens. I'm pleased to see my 2^nd favourite beer "Federbrau" are the proud sponsors of the beergarden atop my local " Villa Mall". If I can stand the usually execrable lounge lizard live music I might find myself hanging out there for a few jars of an evening sometime soon. I am missing the company of men and a few easy beers and laughs. No surprise really, I've been pretty much off the radar for a month now.

 

This morning's walk around the park was better. I even managed it without a break at my usual bench (A Thai guy had contorted his skinny frame into its limited space and was adoze in the late morning sun. I'm still getting cramps in my right calf but I can glimpse a small improvement in my general ambulant performance. That said, I still have to take it very easy and slowly, any sudden twists or jolts remind exactly of the fragility of my current condition…Baby steps (quite literally!)

 

I have a lot of time to think and assess things at the moment. Enforced "sabbaticals" from work are actually really not my thing. I miss the daily cut and thrust of managing , of teaching, of being creative, of doing something worthwhile. A few friends have intimated I should use this time to write, but to be honest I'm not really in the right frame of mind for it. I want to write witty and diverting prose full of weird imagery and acute observations. Instead, I find my mind plagued with thoughts of advancing middle age, decrepitude,  and the pointless musings that tend to plague you when you're on a long train journey.So instead I choose to try and block them out  and am fighting to keep my natural optimism intact…Typical post op depression I suppose. At least all this happened to me when I was still relatively "Young" enough to make a decent stab at full recovery. I'm really looking forward to swimming again soon too.

Fred sent me a picture of the Bang Jaak outreach project polo shirts I asked them to make for our forthcoming outreach projects together. As I recall, I specifically wanted two-tone blue ones with both logos. I even approved a design I saw on a desktop…What has shown up? A box full of grass green ones with white shoulder panels and Pink "Chula" piping on the collar…YUK! I had to laugh though. As is typical with anything you try and do here that involves a series of people, some ultra bright spark further down the line decided to merge Bang Jaak Petroleum and Chula University colours together! Taste Police alert! I meant to use them to reward those part time teachers that freely give of their time to help out. Now it appears more of a penalty haha!

 

Next Friday I'm back to see the surgeon and hopefully the following Wednesday I'll attempt to return to work. It seems like a bit of a tall order to be honest. I'll need to box clever and try and not go walking to and fro for stuff all the time. It's gonna be quite a sedentary work style until I can get my strength up.

 

One good thing about the daily physio though, my man boobs have practically disappeared and there seems to be a little definition in my abs appearing….Long way to go for a six pack though. At least the huge lumbar belt brace thingy I have to wear when ambulant  worn under clothes really flatters to deceive!

 

Now I'm craving a haircut. The giggle sisters shop down Sukumvit Soi 5 may as well be in Chiang Mai.

 

Maybe next week…. J

 

 

 

 

 

     

Hi There (02/11/10),

 

The road to recovery is long. Hampered by headaches, dizziness, and bouts of inexplicable nausea, I'm not taking anymore happy pills, muscle relaxants, or anything that says "may cause drowsiness". I feel as if my entire system has been slightly poisoned… At least I get to walk a whole 500 metres a day now. So it's an early morning limp round the local park… I don't feel like it's improving much and the cramps and leg pain in my right leg are uncomfortable (apparently the excess blood from my surgery in my nerve system is slowly breaking up)

 

Good news is I should be able to start showering normally in the next couple of days..yay!

 

I plan to head back to work in 2 weeks. Though at the moment that would seem to be slightly ambitious..We'll see.

 

Haven't got much else to say really….Cherry started her new job yesterday and seems to be settling in ok. She's still nursemaiding me fiercely and monitoring me like a hawk. I can't get away with any shortcuts J

 

 

 

Hi There (22/10/10),

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! Love ya, even though you're still climbing up ladders to fix panes in ancient greenhouse roofs. Haven't you seen the Omen II? I'm certain if you sneeze too loudly in there the whole thing 'll collapse!! So gonnae get a man in next time eh? Better still, my bro Andy LOVES that kind of thing…

 

For a weekly blogger , being struck down by a debilitating event such as my back operation is not conducive to interesting and diverting prose writing by the way….

 

I could wax lyrical on how weird it is to limit yourself to 200 metres of walking a day. Or how shuffling around is no longer painful, but still a very odd feeling lingers. I can feel the pins in my back, and notice how my pelvis rolls a bit like a long distance walker. I'm struggling to reinvent a new walking gait this is both comfortable and balanced.

 

That said, I did manage a very conservative trolley shuffle push round the local supermarket this week (and was utterly exhausted when I got home).

 

I'm in a little bit of a hurry to get well (no surprises there then) and am reminded daily just how far I have to go to even being to feel any kind of normalcy. I'm still not allowed to do steps/stairs and I have a rigid regime of pills to take 4 times a day.

 

Fortunately in this modern age there are enough things around the house to keep me from going bonkers: books, tv. Computer, itouch, guitars, but I gotta say it has it's limitations. Cabin fever will set in, no doubt of that

 

Cherry , as per usual has been wonderful in sorting out almost everything for me (even got me a glass of wine the other dad when I was gagging for a wee drinkie), but I do miss chatting with blokes over a frothy beer or two. …That seems a long way off. 

 

I was noticing how things were going a bit tits up in Western Europe re. France and the UK. Seriously though, do those Frenchies really think they can maintain the age of retirement so young? I think I'll be about 67 or 68 before I'd be allowed to get my pension..not that I'm exactly holding my breath on that one. I'll keep paying my dues but with those enormous swingeing cuts that are currently happening in the UK, I can't help feeling the country is a ba' hair off further and more chronic major financial collapse. I see a society moving towards the scifi worlds of William Nolan and Harry Harrison (Logans Run and Soylent Green respectively). I myself was slightly duped last week into partially entering Huxley's Brave New World by my surgeons nightly prescription. I'd never taken Xanax before or anything like it. And it, like it's brother Prozac has a most curious effect on a healthy mind…It makes you indifferent, unemotional and kinda numb to everything. I had to stop taking it when I finally worked out what was zoning me out and estranging me from myself and from Cherry. I feel so much better for sobriety or whatever it is when you don't take you anti-depressants. Better to suffer a little bit of discomfort and insomnia than being artificially placated by that horrible stuff. If I wanna space out for medicinal purposes in future I'm sure I'd be better off with some natural remedy like, say,  pot!

 

A bientot!

 

 

 

 

/10/10),

 

Well there's a whole lot than can change in 2 weeks that's for sure!

 

The gig went very well indeed. We didn't play that well, but Kirk brought his wife, two ex-Miss Thailands and a whole entourage of screaming queens, transsexuals and twinky gays who stood and whooped, danced and cheered in front of us all night. Their infectious behaviour spread throughout the bar and just for a change everyone was watching us and into the music. I hope to have a video of "Going Underground" on youtube (under fretwire1) sometime soon..We really nailed that one!

 

Two days later I was smote down….

 

I simply couldn't get up for work on Sunday. My right leg felt like it was residing in Hell…Screaming agony. I somehow managed to get down to the car and had to lie (dying coackroach style) on the back seat whilst my darling girlfriend drove me to hospital….

 

MRI scans are not like they are in the movies… For a start mine had an open back (so not claustrophobic at all). Let me tell you they are LOUD. It's like sitting in a vast and screeching early 80's bubblejet printer that has been placed on the shop floor of a steel pressing mill…Glad I was provided with ear plugs. Whatever they occasionally said to me via the speaker on the far end of the room was most definitely garble. It's actually quite hard to lie stock still for 40 minutes when you're in so much pain.

 

Fortunately I was admitted and put in a bed, in a, wait for it: in a  single room wahey!. The prognosis was that I had 1.5 ruptured discs and they were squirting the equivalent of battery acid on my central nervous system causing my right leg to burn afire and pins and needles to shoot up and over my foot.

 

My sweet girlfriend Cherry really showed her care, love and loyalty particularly over the first 2 days as I lay waiting for a surgery slot in numbing agony. The meds they gave me hardly made a jot of a difference. Cherry slept on a couch by the bed (as she did my whole 9 day stay) and kept me sane with her zany humour and willingness to help me out in any way she could (I was by this point utterly immobilized). I can't tell you how complex the whole process is and how much information needs to be clarified and discussed in Thai with doctors, nurses, insurance, admin staff etc. I was visited by a whole bunch of English speaking Doctors very regularly, each with a special remit within the hospital, but none actually handling my case. By the day to day stuff was taken care of by Cherry bless her cotton socks.

 

The top dude prof surgeon (who also works at the top hospital in BKK) was a very amenable and jovial dude who learnt his medicine in Newcastle. He had over 40 years experience and I felt very assured by him.

 

So I had laminectopy, my two lowest discs removed and titanium pins put in, to keep the spinal spaces apart. No spine fusing, attaching, or cementing thank god! They also had to cut back a ligament too as it was also pressing on my nerves. It was supposed to take 5 hours, Mine took almost 7. I'm glad I remembered to tell the anaesthetist not to start with gas as I, like my father , might tend to start flailing when going under. He was a pleasant fellow who could see the sheer amount of agony in my face (tears of pain, not fear) at being moved from bed to theatre ( the pain got steadily worse from Sunday on..if such a thing were possible), and gave me a shot of Morphine. What a rush!! I said "Oh MY", had a ten second chat with the surgeon and was out!

 

I came to with 4 drips around me and a button to push for pain. For the next 2 days I got thorough it with Cherry nursemaiding and helping me all then time. I had some visitors (thank you all) bringing a goodly amount of cheer and fruit baskets….I know how freaky it is to see someone in a hospital bed- I made sure they came once the drips were out. It still didn't stop the fearful expressions and talk of gym membership and life assurance!

 

I had originally been quoted 500,000 Baht by the hospital for everything. My end was originally judged to be about 350,000 (7000 quid). Fortunately my blessed BUPA membership through the office (a mere 6000 Baht a year) came through once my surgeon had submitted all the paperwork and they agreed to cover 400,000 in total. I ended up paying only 98,000 thank God. A massive thanks too to my mum and dad who instantly mobilised to cover any costs and told me not to worry. Isn't family just soo cool? Cherry's cool family also came to see me and her bro and his  wife instantly got stuck in to the bill….He's in banking, she's in insurance and they are on the case to see what else I might glean back….bless 'em too! Lots of no nonsense Thai talk and to-ing and fro-ing to the fax machine at the nurses station. I reckon BUPA won't be trying any fast ones!!

 

Goes to show without any of the above mentioned support how lonely, isolated, and unable to communicate I'd have felt if I'd been solo on this. I'm eternally grateful, I really am.

 

The last few days were punctuated by trips to the "Cripples Playground" as Cherry chose to call the Physio department in her inimitable style. J I got started on a regime of muscle toning and getting them reattaching correctly  to the titanium pins that I should now continue the rest of my life. It's only about 20 minutes of my time and I can do it lying on my back in bed, but already flabby belly muscles are toning and there is a pleasant feeling of a workout going on.

 

So today is the 3^rd day home and the first day I'm moving a little better. Trying to walk tall and not shuffle. Not allowed to do stairs and can only walk about 200 metres a day or so. No bending down, and no careless getting up or lying down. It's all gonna be slow from here on in. Getting the stitches out tomorrow will be another step to ultimate pain free movement. I'm under no illusions I'm under a bit of post op stress. Dreams and sleep are bad. But pain and discomfort are generally minimal so I'm grateful. It'll be probably 6 months before I really feel like I'm back. Even getting back to work in 4 weeks seems a little ambitious. A colleague asked me if this was a life changing event. I wasn't sure how to answer at first. But I don't think you can go through this and not come out the other side in some way changed. My major sorrow is that my tennis days might be over…

 

The other sorrow is that my guitar arrived from Canada. My colleagues brought it to hospital. Like me it has suffered (in the hands of USPC) and has a broken back…3 cracks! I'm taking it to a master luthier I have found nearby asap. I'm gonna get her fixed up. You all know how I love guitars. I see our situations as synchronicity. I'm feeling totally compelled to fully restore/customise her to life. This is the country to do it in. It won't cost that much. I might even get some insurance money from USPC.

 I want abalone "snowflake" fret markers, A bird (maybe a phoenix) in pearl on the headstock, abalone binding perhaps, and maybe even my name on her.

 

 Obsessive compulsive?

 

 So sue me!

 

 

Hi there! (01/10/10),

 

The New Thai Thananchart bank visa I got last month had it's first outing out of my wallet this week.

 

Indeedy,  I bought myself a new orthopedic mattress. I was directed by those in the know (Cherry's family) down to some warehousey type place in Klong Toey district near the port. Cherry, (bless her cotton socks once more) had put in quite a lot of time on the internet researching all things matressy and back painy. Believe me it's really quite clear how shit spring mattresses are once you've rolled around a few different types…

 

13000 baht later, ( reduced from 20+ thousand, with 2 free special pillows and a home delivery less than 2 hours after purchase) I had myself a whole new sleeping experience. AND what marvelous sleep I've had these four nights!! The rubber/foam mix sandwich type thingy is really superb and indistinguishable from the all rubber one costing twice as much.  I haven't woken up once in the middle of the night since I bought it.

 

As yet however, the awful awful back and  leg pain that accompanies rising in the morning as my spine settles to it's upright position is still with me. I've just spent 20 quid on a months supply of Voltarol which takes the edge off, but even as I write this, the hum of low grade pain resonates in my lumbar region and pins and needles prickle up and down my right lower leg and foot. This morning getting to work has been particularly bad.

 

I was delivering a class at the Charity project in the Samut Prakhan jungle with Jamie yesterday. Goodness it was soooo hot and humid ,I was sweated through so quickly (note to self: dark coloured trousers next time Mike, and take a towel). AND we were filmed for an upcoming  teacher training course. I was pretty pleased with the lesson I put together.  It was the last day of term and the kids were a little bit hyper. But they cuddled and hugged us out of the van and they cuddled and hugged us all the way back to the van, and they carried all our boxes. I promised I'd be back next term. Peter my boss said

 "in 20 years time when you've stopped teaching (can't see that mate- I will need the money), these are the kids and the classes you'll remember."

 

 He's probably quite right. I don't ever get that kind of reaction in my everyday teaching, and these kids seemed so starved of so many things including warmth from an adult. I think I'll have a Santa visit them during the Christmas period next term…….No more sugary sweeties like we did to celebrate the end of term though…they're tricky enough to teach as it is without doing the "wall of Death" round and round the classroom.

 

Talking with others today, I have hit on a wee idea I might try out very soon. Basically it's going back to the wizened turtle doc at Paolo memorial with a book and an overnight bag and see if he can admit me overnight for observation,  any further tests, and an MRI scan, this way I can get BUPA to pay for about 80% of the whole thing, probably paying out a few thousand instead of 15+k.  It will mean a one shot deal as far as an MRI scan is concerned as they won't insure me for another in future, but this is starting to be more worrying, painful and inconvenient. I'm losing my natural optimism, general happiness, and my laid back attitude constantly fighting this  pain.   This technique is apparently a well followed route for those who choose to have BUPA coverage without the outpatients option…..This paragraph will be removed from my blog before I do so by the way…..It is highly unlikely that some jobs worth claim officer from Bupa will do a background check on my blog..but no sense in taking chances eh?

 

It is stunned surprise I saw the ENORMOUS queues outside Paragon mall on Wednesday evening. They were waiting……..wait for it……..to buy doughnuts!!! Krispy Kreme donuts have opened their first franchise in Thailand and Thai people are going absolutely fucking bonkers for them. Some people queued up for 2 days and nights to be first in the queue. People have been fainting outside in the hot sun, and medical services are on constant standby not far away….it absolutely beggars belief. It'll WEEKS before the fuss dies down. Thai tastes and fashions more often than not to degenerate into this kind of flashmob event. The kudos in getting hold of a box somehow increases your office social  standing. Except the "flash"mob in Thailand as well we know, hangs around for blooming weeks . I've seen it all before with the fuss over Rotiboy Roti's ( Malaysian flatbread thing) a few years back in Siam Square. People stood queuing in the rain over whole lunchtimes.  Even the Thai staff in the office are asking us to go get 'em Krispi Kreme donuts. Doubtless in a few months time I'll bring a box in the office, but queue for hours for the pleasure…Oh God! Get a life people…

 

I'm playing a gig tonight ! I'm sure if the pain continues till this evening I'll be ready for a good old snarl at the world. Perfect for the music I play,  and possibly even quite cathartic. We practiced last Tuesday  and it went quite well. A few songs are a bit too loose and wobbly to spring on an audience, but as we're sharing the gig with another band and only have to do 2x30 minute sets it shouldn't be too difficult to bang out a few of the old favourites.  I might even try to smile a bit tonight (thanks Alasdair). I hope we get a full house , the other band has a wee bit of a following and it'd be nice to play to an audience who're into this kind of music. I just hope the other band doesn't get too much into this "Battle of the bands" attitude they've apparently been ever so slightly slinging around these last few days. I didn't think a band producing original work could be so intimidated by a mere covers band like us, especially in this goldfish bowl of a music climate in BKK. Then again, maybe it's because we're pretty damn good, pretty damn tight, democratic in our input, and pretty damn professional and non fussy in our approach. They'd better not mess with my gear or my sound tonight, I am most definitely not to be trifled with just now…. J

 

 

 

Hi there! (24/09/10

 

Low grade chronic pain is, frankly , an absolute bastard. Not only does it mar and tarnish everything in your everyday life, after an indeterminate number of months it feeds and thrives on the paranoia and worry that you'll never actually improve. You'll carry on through this "difficult-enough-to negotiate-as -it -is" mortal coil , except you'll be hirpling and wincing all along the way. It stresses you out and does everything it can to stop your naturally sunny and laid back disposition from springing forth.

 

I've developed my own painful morning ballet as I lie down and stretch for 5 to 10 minutes just to take away the most agonizing and maddening of the hellfire that burns along my right leg. Those unlucky enough to see would witness how, with a yelping grunting plethora of choice expletives I finally prise my socks over my shower moistened feet and seemingly contrive to make putting on my trousers as difficult and complex as possible.

 

I'm trying  very hard not to feel sorry for myself. I'm taking medication, I'm swimming and stretching and doing all the stuff the physios said, yet the fucking morning agony just won't leave. The next stage of course is to go out and spend a ridiculous amount of money on a mattress to see if this chases away the morning madness. People do say a good mattress is worth every penny. If it were to get rid of this nonsense I'd be the first to agree.

 

Cherry says I seem stressed out and unhappy of late. She tells me I gotta cut back on my extra evening work and focus out trying to relax and get better. How evening teaching and my leg are connected I'm not altogether sure, but I do know she has my best interests at heart bless her cotton socks. It's fortunate that on a day to day level I can still operate pretty much normally without much ado (apart from yelping when getting in and out of cars). But at its very worst it's hard to keep your cool and your patience amidst inevitable small domestic altercations when pain is gnawing away at you, goading you to some stupid overreaction.

 

So it looks like I may spend part of my days off next week (2 WHOLE days and no corporate class to dress up for and go to woo-hoo) looking at the land of interiors , and more specifically, Matresses. Apparently there is a Slumberland factory in the deepest darkest part of an industrial estate in Pathum Thani who sell (and deliver) the mattresses direct for about half the regular price. Well worth a gander. Cherry (bless her cotton socks once again) cheerfully volunteered to provide transport for the expedition…That's if we can find the place…

 

I think we might try and go to the beach over the October holiday weekend. Perhaps this time somewhere a little more downbeat and earthy like Ko Samet . I think a wee sojourn out of the city and onto a beach with some saltwater therapy might do me the world of good. If memory serves, they often walk racehorses in the sea to help their various leg/tendon problems, worth a try for me I guess! Not that I'm any kind of thoroughbred by any stretch of the imagination…..:)

 

Oh well, at least there's the band to vent my frustrations with. In a musical sense of course. Three of us (minus Jon the drummer) met up last night to go over some songs and try out a couple of original ideas. All in all it was a very worthwhile experience being drummerless. It gave us the chance to slow things down, play quietly and concentrate on remembering song structures and chords. We even ran through a couple of self penned numbers!. Although we naturally missed him, Jon, can easily drum any song we could throw at him in his sleep and doubtless appreciates us not wasting his time... The strain and time management complexity of earning a crust and studying a bastardly hard Masters course in 2 years flat is likely take its toll on anyone. I hope that at least he's finding some degree of fun in playing with all the diverse bands he's currently with. It's certainly understandable that anyone with his talent playing Gloria Gaynors "I will survive" in a bickering flaky band to a bunch of paunchy middle age men and their "escorts" in a dodgy restaurant is bound start questioning how they might choose to musically spend their Friday nights and what little free time they have!

 

I, like him, wish Bangkok had more of a thriving arts scene. Certainly the evening of dance I went to last at the museum of Arts and Culture, despite its tendency towards talented amateurism instead of professionals, was the closest thing to arts or culture I'd attended in almost 5 years of living here. I had a good time and realized I missed the performing arts and cultural events.  Big shame that. I do miss an afternoon at an art gallery, or an evening in a studio theatre….and please don't get me started on Thai art or artists. I had a look at a couple of artist work whilst we were in that centre…oh dearie dearie me!

 

I'm nervously awaiting delivery of the Tama acoustic guitar I bought from Canada a couple of weeks back. I should be getting the shipping and tracking details by email tomorrow. I'm so chuffed at having been able to finally get one. They come on the market so infrequently I was starting to think I'd never find one I could afford. I suppose it's a testament to how good they are (nobody wants to sell theirs), especially the 2^nd period of production where they changed both the logo and the quality (solid wood throughout and marketed as high end guitars). Back in the day (77-79) the cheapest models in the TG range were selling new for 400-600 US dollars where Martins were selling for 800-1000. I've seen this series sell for over 1200-1500 US dollars on ebay recently. To get one for 600 including shipping is nothing short of a miracle. I'm sure I'll get back to playing a lot more acoustic guitar and that we'll be growing old together…

 

Anyways it's (hopefully) the full band in the studio next Tuesday and a shared gig with our friend Spike and his band Bone Clone at Nomads Bar the Friday after that. We should have something pasted up on Facebook soon.

 

I've already asked if it's possible we can go on  first. Ideally, I'd like to be tucked up in bed by 1am cos Saturdays are so busy for me.

 

Hardly a rock 'n' roll attitude is it? J

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

re! (17/09/10),

 

Apparently as you get older it's much more difficult to learn new things. So it was with a bit of mild surprise I noticed recently how adept I'd become with chopsticks.

 

OK, so I won't be catching flies out of the air with them like Mr Miyagi in the Karate Kid 1 (not the terrible remake), but I can pick up individual grains of rice and the like with relative aplomb.

 

However, here's something interesting. I discovered that plastic chopsticks (like the Chinese use) are a real bastard to use. They're soooo slippy!  Wooden ones have so much more grip. Futhermore, James my colleague who lived in Japan for 10 years tells me the true chopstick Jedi utilizes metal ones!!! I haven't seen any of those round here thank goodness. Looks like I've celebrated my new skill far too early.

 

Cherry celebrated her 30^th this week (awww Bless!), so I took my Boo out to the 39^th floor of the Sofitel to the V9 restaurant. Excellent meal, atmosphere, and really cool cityscape panoramas all around . A bottle of sparkling wine to boot and the great night was guaranteed. Blimey 30 years old! Wish I was that young again LOL!

 

I'm just about finished my 45 hour evening course at the Thai Military Bank HQ at Mo Chit. Just got to test them all next Tuesday and we're done. I'm happy the class is finishing, but also a little bit sad at leaving such a good wee group of students. They might renew and I might be offered to take them for another course, but it's probably better for me to say bye now. It'd be a bit of a chore putting together a whole new 45 hour curriculum with activities they haven't already done. I tend to stretch my students linguistically and often teach them quite complicated stuff.

 

Of course I'll miss the money. It may seem like a bit of a chore at the time, but when you get that extra cheque in your pay packet you always feel glad you did it. In fact my Bupa medial cover is up for renewal next month so I guess that'll pay for it!

 

 

I'm supposed to go and see the lugubrious Dr Turtlehead next week. I'm still having a lot of gyp with the sciatica despite the muscle relaxants and anti inflammatories I'm necking..I wonder if I should just come off the meds entirely and suck up the pain for a while. I should be able to get Voltarol/Voltaren over the counter without prescription if needed. It's amazing the amount of medicines you can get over here without a prescription, though admittedly I've never tried to buy opiates….hmmm I wonder…

 

I'm still anxiously awaiting news of the Tama acoustic guitar I bought in Canada. The seller did say it'd be 10 days before he crossed into the US and shipped from there (150 dollars cheaper that way). Today is day 9 since my purchase. Hopefully over the weekend he'll send me an email with the shipping and tracking details. I'm really excited. I've read a lot of stuff concerning Tama guitars on the internet in recent days. Hugely regarded and rare as hens teeth is putting it mildly! There's one from the first series just popped up on Ebay Australia that has a laminated top, (as opposed to solid spruce like my one has) that is starting at 1100 quid with a Buy It now @ 1500 quid!!! Kinda puts into perspective the bargain I got. I'm just praying nothing happens "twixt cup and lip". I'm sure I'm likely to be hit with another customs charge at point of delivery, just as long as it gets here!!

 

The soldiers are still around the skytrain platforms sporting their single barreled pump action shotguns. Seems there are continuing threats from various factions. There is also talk of the redshirts marching on the city again over the holiday weekend in a few weeks time. I very much  doubt they'll be allowed to camp slap bang in the city centre this time. I also doubt they'll want to though , this rainy season has been the wettest here in the last 5 years.

 

It's causing havoc with my laundry!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there! (10/09/10),

 

Recently the Skytrain and its platforms have been crawling with soldiers. It seems there a number of bomb threats about. It's unclear if this is a) The threat of Muslim fundamentalists in the south b) Disgruntled redshirt peasants still making moves, or c) or some kind of inside military job to demonise the threat and keep the populace in check in some kind of 1984 Orwellian model.

 

Either way it's not exactly comfortable standing in the crush feeling the downturned barrel of an assault shotgun lightly tapping you on the leg.

 

I'm finding myself slightly bewildered of late. Am I hitting the 5 year wall I've often talked about? This is usually the point where people either stay on and accept this society for what it is , leave, or remain but are critical and bitter about their experiences here.

 

I'm sure I'd never stoop to being bitter or critical, It's just I have a nagging feeling of being thwarted in some way. For example: Last week I was again with Dr Kerching! The wizened turtle doctor, (see last week's blog) and he suggested I go for an MRI scan. This would be extremely costly, well over 200 quid. I suggested alternatives by  making some initial enquiries about a possible  x-ray (which I know cost about 850 Baht a pop) which he susequently brushed off. I found myself talking him round and taking my own diagnosis in hand by prescribing myself anti-inflammatories and muscles relaxants (x3 a day) for the next fortnight. Goodness me the pain has stopped in its tracks now. Problem is,  I'm feeling occasionally quite stoned, a bit  monged, and generally out of it. All that remains by way of a firm reminder is the constant pins and needles in my right foot. With the vitamin supplements I've already got, that totals 11 pills a day I'm now necking.

 

25,000 Baht or so later I'd like to say I'm getting to grips with this thing, but alas I fear there is some distance yet to go. I doubt my next visit to Dr Kerching von Cashregister! Will be a happy one…..

 

There are a few bright spots on the horizon however. My band Snatch seems to be getting a gig at the end of the month sharing the bill with our old friend Spike and his band Boneclone. I'm almost finished with my current corporate class and won't need to haul ass to TMB two evenings a week. And after some years of looking, I finally purchased a quite rare acoustic guitar that has a kind of cult following. Made in Japan in 77/78 with a solid wood construction throughout, Tama (better known for drums) sought to copy the American master luthiers with what became known as "lawsuit" duplicates of Martin guitars. I just snagged me a real bargain off a bloke in Canada. I'll be expecting delivery towards the end of the month. I just hope that it gets here ok and that I don't have to pay off customs with some usual ludicrous taxation charge they arbitrarily make on things coming in….So that's something to be cheerful for. An early Christmas pressie! I think I'll sell off a couple of guitars on ebay when I'm back in the UK in April- Time to thin the herd down!

 

I'm also off to see a performance with Cherry on Saturday after work. 1.5 hours of dance actually . I'm sure it won't be the kind of weird  dance performances I used to be into when I lived in Glasgow…. But hey, in this cultural wilderness , and ANY kind of theatre performance that isn't bloody Cats or Mamma Mia should at least have something of interest for me. DV8 or La fura Del Baus, or Rambert it s ain't gonna be for sure.

 

I think I need to schedule in a little work in the garden this coming Monday. Thanks to the rainy season, the triffids are back in abundance, flourishing wildly,  and seeking a foothold on my roof terrace before embarking on world domination….

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there! (03/09/10),

 

Lying there on my back at Paolo Memorial hospital, strapped into a gothic leather torso harness, attached to a machine that both went ping and intermittently pulled 50 kilo worth of strain on my lumbar region, I got to thinking about the state of global healthcare.

 

Well, perhaps not global. I don't think there are many shiny hospital wards in flood torn Pakistan or in downtown Kabul. No, it was more the concept of accessibility to such  facilities I thought about.

 

Those of you who interested enough who regularly put themselves through the trial of reading my weekly ramblings, (apart from my boss who just does it so he can take the piss out of me) will have gathered I'm in a bit o schtook with back and sciatica problems.

 

The acupuncture, physio adventure and the subsequent problems were explained last week. So this week I thought I'd take a momentary break from so called whacky alternatives like Chiropractors and acupuncture and go and see a doctor in a real hospital. Not some dodgy clinic under an expressway , or a converted 2 storey shophouse with a staggering array of supremely outdated magazines in the waiting room going back almost half a decade.

 

In truth, the agonies of the Balawi clinic physios ministrations had led to a rather worrying development. Apart from a tenfold increase in sciatica pains down my right leg, I was getting, and still am, the faintest pins and needles on the palm of both hands and (back then) on the sole of my right foot.

 

So it was off to my local hospital. I thought going there would be a good option as that was the same place they took a chest x-ray of me when I bust my ribs playing footie for the uni 4 years back and I was thinking maybe get another done for comparison…

 

The ancient scrawny doctor that attended to me looked not unlike a turtle stripped of its shell. He sighed when I started my story of my tales persistent back issues up till the present only getting excited when he found out I was Scottish.  Yes indeed Edinburgh Castle is very beautiful dammit and I am indeed gratified he enjoyed his holiday last year, (once a tourist officer, always a tourist officer) but I really wanted to focus on more pressing issues.

 

"Have you had an MRI ?" Came the question.

 

Kerchiiing! I was waiting for the cash register dollar signs to light up in his eyes. Nothing pleases Thai doctors in private hospitals more than putting "moneyed" farangs through a serious of suitably expensive and possibly unnecessary tests.

 

"Er no actually. I was hoping to start with an x-ray and take it from there…"

 

He stood me up, bade me bend over as far as I could, (which frankly was about 15 degrees) made me lie down, hit my reflexes with a soft hammer and promptly said it wasn't a disc issue, herniated or otherwise, and I should do 3-5 days of in house physiotherapy and go see him next week.

 

I was confused at this point. He wasn't Kerchinging me. He wasn't even going for the xray. Either this wizened old turtle knew his shit, or he was going to put me through a multiple series of kerchings before hitting me with the big guns (barium meals, MRI's, and the like).

 

But I duly acquiesced. I mean this turtle was at very least a professionally qualified turtle, even if he was possible a state registered coffin dodger.

 

Off to the third floor and for an hour each time over the next three days I disrobed into a surgical gown and had cold jelly slathered on my back followed by a lady frying my muscles and attendant nerve ending with an electro paddle. Ramped up to agonizing extremes I suppose this could indeed be an effect torture method.

 

This was followed by simple electro-straps glued to by lower back via a heat pad and 15 mins of gentle frying.

 

This in turn followed by 30 minutes of the "treatment" described at the start of this blog.

 

On the face of it I'd say the treatment has had some qualified success. I was pain free for the first time yesterday. (I couldn't go as I had an evening class to attend) and now a day later the discomfort has slightly returned.

 

The pins and needles feeling however have never gone away. I guess this is what worries me most. In my bleaker moments, I envisage neural nerve damage like a growth or a clot on my spine, or perhaps the onset of some terrible debilitating disease like MS. But I'm pretty sure my back is just a bit fucked as they say in looser diagnostic terms.

 

OK so up till now I have spent approximately 15-20,000 baht of my back (about 400-500 quid) this has been 4 chiropractor visits, 2 acupuncture/physio visits, a doctors visit and 3 trips to the hospital physio department. Does this represent Value for money?

Some of you might say well surely it can't if you're still not fixed, AND you've had to pay rather than enjoy the benefits of free healthcare.

 

Well, actually I could get free healthcare as a Thailand income taxpayer at my registered local hospital (the police hospital as it turns out), but realistically I would be given an aspirin and told to come again in the morning AND have to wait 3 hours for the pleasure.

 

At Paolo I was escorted everywhere by a smartly suited receptionist, never had to wait more than 5 minutes and treated very very well.

 

Let me say at this point I do actually have BUPA cover here, but I'd prefer to do a pay as you go arrangement at the moment, cos once you've claimed money from BUPA for a treatment (say kidney stones for example) you will no longer be covered for that in the future!

 

I don't know what an MRI costs at Paolo, but at BNH (the number one hospital in town) it is 10,000 baht a pop (200 quid).

 

However, I got to thinking how long the UK waiting list might be and how ill you must be to finally to get yourself placed in one by a suitably qualified technician. I reckon  that many UK folks would be happy to cough up the dough if it even slightly  expedites their  difficult diagnoses and gets them attended to in double quick time.

 

Perhaps the future of state healthcare is on a very sticky wicket. The world is becoming a selfish place. You pay you play. No money, no honey as they say here. Whilst it might be a sad state of affairs, I for one am at least glad I have the money and ultimately, the  option. When you get sick that's about the only time you don't resent throwing money at medical procedures in order to get better.

 

So I'll do a final zap strap physio treatment on Monday before I go see the doctor and then see what he has to say from there.

 

It's quite serendipidous I just got myself a Thai credit card two weeks back, a couple of mega exotic treatments or procedures should just about see off the last of my Thai based savings…

 

Still, at least I got my, um,  er,  contract renewed! J  

 

 

 

 

                          

Hi there! (27/08/10),

 

Battering along the highway staring out of the clapped out Chulalongkorn van window as Nobby the resident psychopath faculty driver does his best in a three hour journey to make you wish every other minute you had a seatbelt, I got to thinking about stuff….

 

Thailand is not the most beautiful country in the world. To the uninitiated, the pictures of towering limestone islands poking phallically out of the sea off sundrenched beaches in all their James bond majesty or perhaps a golden temple dappled in sunlight is what most see in their minds eye.

 

Fact is, out there in the flat featurless plains (all around BKK for about 2.5 hours in every direction) the half-assed , one horse towns whiz by in homogenized regularity. The drudgery only ever punctuated by some strange incongruity, like, Why does a town 100 metres long with one school and a shantytownlike market have 3 distinct bridal shops in a row? Or why does one town seem to only manufacture metal bar cages to convert your flatbed pickup to a larger people carrier bus type Songthaew. Welders and half finished cages litter the fronts of shop houses along the whole strip.

 

Hurtling through ruritania like this ,  I reflect on how dreadful it might be for a foreigner to end up retired in some dreary backwater, The only whitey in town, sitting around nursing some 7-11 cheap beer for as long as you can and lazily waiting for the sun to go down so you can go watch some television.

 

Bangkok for all its big city hassle and multiple failings, at least gives you the idea of moving forward , even if it isn't you that's actually doing the moving. OK, so it isn't as cosmopolitan as many other cities in S.E Asia like KL or Seoul but at least it looks the part. You can delude yourself in many ways into living here indefinitely and outstaying your self imposed exile from Europe. But you only have to really see what life is outside in the styx to realize whatever delusions you may be under, they are at least seasoned with a modicum of reason.

 

Don't get me wrong there are many places here I like such as Kanchanaburi , Hua Hin, Koh Samet, Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai but I really don't know if I could live there. I LOVE to get out of the city. I love the fact that I grew up in the Scottish countryside in one of the best places a boy could dream of, but perhaps I've lost the community spirit and desire to live as part of some close knot community where everyone knows your business. I've become isolated in the masses. I rarely strike up conversations with strangers, and I keep myself pretty much to myself. I have, I realise  shaken my youthful neediness for sociability. What this actually means in real terms is up for debate. Perhaps this is what most guys in my circumstances do. The attrition of middle age?

 

Yeah So I was off in Kanchanburi this week doing a residential English camp. I must admit with my chronic back and incumbent sciatica, I was a little concerned about letting down the team. But we did very well, I returned if anything in a slightly better state than when I left, and I enjoyed the sights and sounds of a beautifully manicured resort hotels garden surrounded by thick jungle right on the bank of the river Kwai.

 

 It's a shame the hotel didn't match up to its beautiful surroundings. It was, shall we say, a little "tired". But then I reflected how difficult it must be for man made structures to survive slap in the middle of a blooming rainforest. Flora and Fauna in the tropics tend to get right stuck into all things man made…Natures outrage perhaps? I really don't know if nature abhors a vacuum, but she really hates anything painted and will do everything she can to be it flake off as soon as possible.

 

So another weekend rolls in with nary a moment to get my head together. It seems I'm very much on the go just now. I lie in bed making mental lists of all the things I have to remember to do and then forget them anyway. It helps to have a clever and beautiful young girlfriend to remind you (well mostly anyway hahah). Her birthday is rolling in next month so a walk around the shops on my day off is not to be put off for much longer.

 

It's off to Immigration next week for a fun filled day renewing my visa for another year. At least on this particular visit we are accompanied by a Thai member of staff to smooth the way. I may get slapped with a fine for not doing my 90 day report (they wouldn't let me when I was there in June changed stamps to my new passport so I just defaulted!) . AND I gotta get a multiple re-entry permit too. A bit steep at 3800 baht, but if I have to leave the country in an emergency and don't have one they'll cancel my visa, my work permit, everything!!! And of course they no longer issue them at the airport Doh!

 

And then there's the BUPA to pay again soon too…

 

I shall drown my sorrows at my mate Leigh's Barbie on Sunday…YAY!

 

 

 

 

Hi there! (20/08/10),

 

The low rainclouds roll in and once more the city takes on that dark ambient light like Scotland on a drizzly early Spring  morning. It's weird sitting here on the 19^th floor watching the cityscape incrementally disappear behind the all encompassing greyness. At least, unlike Scotland, there is a perpetual punctuation of lightning forking through the background giving even this dullest scene the merest sense of drama.

 

It wasn't like this yesterday when we traipsed down to samutprakan to do the Charity teaching project I'm managing. Oh no, then we had the hottest day in about a fortnight and the damp air in the surrounding jungle rose like a primeordeal steam bath. The insipid whirling blades of the classroom ceiling fan did little more than provide the merest whisper of tepid air. It's hot enough when you're not teaching, but when you're  "on" it's incredibly draining.  I must have drunk about 3 litres of water and was very grateful for a change of clothes at the office when I returned. It makes me wonder what I'd be like it I did all my teaching in those conditions. I expect I'd be a lot thinner and I'd probably not work as hard in my teaching as fighting the conditions is too tough. Perhaps I'd become one of those ever so slightly dozy Thai teachers who conserve their energy over the week. Either way, Teak classroom teaching in poor schools is a young man's game for sure.

 

Bang Chak petroleum with whom we work together on this project do seem to like and appreciate the work we're doing there. I hope there will be more stuff like this in the future. It's nice to have someone from the private sector provide the logistics of transport and snacks. Hey I might even get a natty t shirt from them all logoed up for the teaching team!

 

The band is still on a general high from our decent showing at Nomads Bar the other night. I'm currently trying to paste the HD videos to my facebook site as well as youtube, but they keep canceling as the uni servers bounce up and down like a sex tourist on a Bangkok weekend break. As I mentioned last week you can search youtube under Fretwire1 and see them there too. Apparently We're back to being bar owner Paul's favourite band, he already tried to get us in for Friday nights. It's nice to have a base to play and experiment in. We're keen to progress again so it'll be getting all the old tunes back together again before embarking or new ones. We even plan to try our hand at writing a few tunes. I'll try and keep pasting videos and pics on youtube/facebook as they come up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EECWJ9hKGC0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TVFbYNZ-sA

 

 Whilst I'm on the subject of Facebook, Maw and Paw it might be nice if you joined up together. There's loads of family news and blethers there too you know…And since you've got wifi and laptops and the like why not try it?

 

The continuing saga of my disc/back/sciatica/ pains took a new turn this past week. Desperate for some progress on this front I went two times to Balawi alternative Health clinic near my home for acupuncture and physiotherapy. (Thanks for finding it Cherry!)

The first time was a consultation and acupuncture. I got a stiff bill for the therapy and the  giant bottles of 1000mg  vitamins B100 and C and the homeopathy remedy (Sounded something like like "Rostock" bro!)..about 50 quid in all.

 

What can I say about acupuncture in your back?..Er, not a lot. The first session wasn't all that bad, even when you take into account the herbal cigar thingy she used to heat the needles whilst they were in my back.

 

The second session however was most unpleasant. I started with a deep massage physiotherapy session from a skinny wizened chain smoker of a therapist. The spotless consultation room reeked of stale tobacco..weird. He was pretty good and had a good old dig around my spinal muscles, clucking and muttering away ending with some ultrasound massage…but it was ok.

 

The acupuncture this time was really painful..not the ones in my back, but the single one she stuck in the side of my knee (I had 2 in the backs of my knees again this time but they weren't a problem). One fire it was…..tweaking and aching away.

 

Afterwards I went straight to work. BIG mistake , my back completely locked up and I had to walk around like a cripple holding on to bookshelves to manoeuvre about. I really needed a walking stick it was agony.. Everytime I sat for more than a couple of minutes it'd seize up and I literally couldn't walk unless I stood for 2 minutes before attempting to move….Needless to say I cancelled my evening class.

 

This chronic back pain sciatica I've been carrying these last few months is starting to get me down a bit. I'm trying to lose weight, I'm swimming regularly, I'm trying to stretch carefully every morning, I'm trying different therapies. I'm staying off the pain/anti-inflammatory type pills but I'm still starting to get a little scared. There is some kind of swelling/inflammation there and I hope to God it's nothing more than a troublesome disc. Either way, very soon I'm going to have to go for a formal MRI or back scan of some kind to have a closer look at what may be up if this continues. Only problem is all the scare stories I've heard about these so called big private hospitals. They'll do everything to make you spend a lot of money and actually scaremonger you into expensive and unnecessary